My fiance asked his daughters approval for our marriage. Was this appropriate to you?

jaina	I think it sounds like he was trying to make his daughter feel important, that her opinion is valuable to him and that she is a big enough part of his life that he wants to make sure she feels comfortable giving her opinions. You and her get along, which is great, but everyone has heard horror stories of parents remarrying and the children feeling jealous or overlooked. It sounds like he's just trying to include her, to keep things going smoothly for everyone, including his little daughter.

nizzy	Thats really odd. In a way its nice that he let her know but it should not have been in the form of a question for approval. That makes me think that he was ready to give you up if she didn't approve. I think you both should have talked to her together and see her reaction.

chilly.	I think it's appropriate. It's important for a child to know that they have that sort of relationship with their parents, especially when the biological parents are split up. I think his asking his daughter if he should marry you was definitely appropriate. However, I'm on the fence about the whole "I'll just get rid of her if you say no" thing. That may be giving his daughter a feeling of control instead of trust and closeness. I don't believe that he would have actually acted on it either. Which would mean, dad vs daughter arguments, tension, etc. Everything would be avoided if he had just not said the unnessecary part about getting rid of you. As a father with 8 years experience, I think he should probably know that you need to be close with your children, yes, but you also need to draw clearly that fine line between parent and child.

leslewis65	I think that it was good that he involved his daughter in the decision, since it affects her also. And I'm sure that he was pretty confident of the answer anyhow. Be happy that he included his daughter in the choice, and that she agreed to it. That will make it easier later on when she starts getting into the rebellious stages.

Kailey	Asking for his child's opinion was the right thing to do. He probably could've chosen better use of his wording, but so what!! The important thing is that she said YES and all is well........

annjilena	well dad don,t need her approval he is dating you,it should be between you and him.it ok to tell her he going to marry you ,but to ask her thats something different. he said he only said that to see what she was going to say but what if she said no i don,t like her how would he handle this so again it not her choices its yours and his.

RJR	He asked her because he knew the answer. He just wanted YOU to hear it from HER. And you're damn right that a parent needs the approval of the live at home children. Unless you particularly like the role of "evil step mother". Relax- he asked her that question a LONG time ago. Long before he asked you to marry him. Thumbs down- hah hah hah. My children are my blood. I have and will love them every day of their lives and then some. That may NOT be the case with who I marry. I've been divorced once and my ex and I have NO LOVE for eachother. My children on the other hand will always be my children. I'll not marry ANYONE who they cannot love as well. Single mothers out there will tell men, "Package deal- love and support me, love and support my children." Well, fair is fair.

3595	His daughter is always going to come before you, so yes, he's going to want her approval. I think the "I will find someone else" part is unecessary, though.

texaschick	I think that it was a good idea to ask her opinion on the matter. She is going to be getting the much bigger change then the both of you. I dont think that he should have added if you dont approve I will find someone else. But he should have talked with her and explained that he loved you and he wants to make you a part of the family and reasured her that his love for her wasn't going to change and how she felt about this. But everything turned out allright the way he did it so its all good. Don't worry it will be wonderful! Congrats!

chinamigarden	Beleive me it would be better to know for sure if she approves or not. Besides I am sure he knew the answer but just wanted her to say it so she wouldn't feel left out of this huge decision that affects her as much as it affects you. Plus now when she is a teenager and raging with hormones she can't say, You aren't my mother, I never wanted you here.

Keelee	Children's approval can make or break a marriage, just look around these boards .. so many people talking about how their marriage is in ruins because of the step kids. What he did was absolutely appropriate and shows that he has his priorities in order and cares very deeply for his daughter and her happiness. Congrats.

â™¥FAIRESTâ™¥OFâ™¥THEMâ™¥ALLâ™¥	i think that the way he worded it could have been better, just saying to his daughter, how do you feel about us getting married? but men say things and dont realise how they sound to others. i think a childs approval is important to a point. if thier parent is happy with someone they should be happy for them. my mum is engaged after splitting with dad, i dont get along greatly with mums fiance but he makes her happy. so im happy.

Bomb Diggity	I think its right the way he said it because he left the question very open to the child. He didn't want to pressure her into saying that she wants for the two of you to get married just because he wants to marry you. Don't fret over it.. if he could just drop you and "find someone else to marry" he wouldn't want to marry you in the first place. =)

Leah B	when a guy has a child and he's divorced and going to have a new wife, his kid means so so so much to him. he feels like he already made a huge mistake because he's divorced and made the child's life worse, so if he were to marry someone the kid didn't like then it would make a lot of sense to reconsider that and maybe not marry they person because their child means so very much to them that they want them to be such as happy. see what i mean?

skylar	I think it was sweet he asked her. You shouldnt not care about the exsact wording, he was talking to an 8 yr. old not you. So you use different language. I wouldnt pick apart what he said, the fact he was even asking about marrying you should show you that he doesn not think you are disposable!

sa_2006	Feel free, enjoy your marriage

Rachelle	I don't think it's appropriate to get her approval nor ask in front of you. She's only 8 years old, if he really loved you, he would say, "_is going to be my wife someday, and how would you like _ living with us and being your stepmommy?" Something along those lines, but will find someone else? That's not right.

Genuine Gemini	well i think if your getting married and you have kids its important that your kids like the person & that they would like to have them as a second (dad,mom) but i don't know if he worded it right...no offense but it kinda sounded like he was saying his daughter is more important then you...people in these situations often have troubles in the attention area... GOOD LUCK AND HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY TOGETHER!

ASP2008	I think it was was okay for him to ask his daughter how she felt about marrying you, however I DO NOT think he should have said that he would find someone else. What's up w/that? If he really loves you, why in the world would he want to find someone else to marry? The conversation just sounds a little strange and he he totally shouldn't have gone there.

im serious	i think he is a good dad for being so loving and considerate towards his little daughter and I think you should get married and be happy :)

fatamorrighan	I don't think that was an appropriate thing to say. That has a really warped logic to it. You are a person, with your own identity, not a lump of clay to mold. It could have put the girl in a bad position too, I think he had good intentions but did not think about all the consequence.

cope_acetic	I agree that he should have left that part out, it's a bit of a downer for you, isn't it? But I'm sure he only asked it because he knew she'd be good about you. Overall, it shows he is a caring father and a sweet guy--congratulations on finding him!

ingramfamily08	yes, she was there before you, id do the same if i was in his position, but i can understand why your hurt.

Ashley A	Hm, blood is thicker than water, and I'd maybe think it was a tiny bit more appropriate if she was older than.. just 8 yrs old! : ) Congrats on the marriage plans!

emily	I think that he probably knew that his daughter would say yes and only threw in the other option to show his daughter that her opinion really matters. And she did say yes so there is nothing to worry about. Your fiance loves you and that is what matters. I hope you have a fabulous wedding and a great life together.

abc	it was inappropriate to ask her the way he asked her, he should have told her the two of you were going to get married......you don't want the tail wagging the dog; kids should not be put in the middle of a couples marriage; he needed to know what her feelings were/are, but he shouldn't have said I'll find someone else if you don't like her.......bad parenting move on his part

jemmamomma	It's ok for him want to be sure that she's comfortable with the situation. My question is how did he ask her this yesterday if he is in the Dominican Republic to find out if the other baby is his?

kamilian112990	yea, but if she said no i would hope he would still marry you. it's okay that he checks with his family. as long as they don't make the decisions for him.

Giselina	Sounds like you have more problems with this guy then just another child in Dominican Rep.

Mr. Lizard	Relax. He was just being old fashioned.