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My husband goes to his parents for everything, why does it bother me so much??! :(?
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My husband goes to his parents for everything, why does it bother me so much??! :(?

my husband is constantly going to his parents for everything, any decision we need to make, he seeks their advice. Is it wrong that it bothers me so much? How should i deal with this. Sometimes i feel he needs a lot of growing up to do and he needs to detached, which i feel he hasnt. His parents are constantly asking him for rides to and from work, that there has been times that we are on a date and we need to get up to pick up his father from work. I cant take this anymore.. i have kept quiet because i know they are his parents and they are important to him. And i dont want to sound selfish.. but i dont know how much longer i can put up with it.. is it something that maybe is wrong with me?? please advise.







mmm
Giving his parents rides to and from work - if they have no other way, I can see it Going to them for decisions? He's an adult and has not yet cut the cord . . .He needs to consult with you, his partner . . .


Juelann
Rating
~sigh~ I so, so wish folks would give pertinent details to the scenario before posting a question on what they would like advice/suggestions on; such as... how old are you and hubby? How long have you been married? How old are his parents? Is he an only child? Are there other siblings in your life? How close are you to your parents? All these things have a bearing on what would be considered 'normal" in any given situation. To comment without these pertinent details would be fool-hardy since, if the scenario is that he's an only child, his parents are rather old and you're married for less than five years, then the answers will be far different than if you're both in your forties, have been married over 20 years and he's the middle child in a brood of 10! All those facts will play into how one views things and subsequently provides an answer. Provide more details, and I'll be glad to chime in with my two-cents worth ~~ In the meantime-- examine your motives--how you view yourself overall-- whether or not you're putting all your happiness into his hands-- and examine the concept of how life would change were his parents to suddenly die tomorrow--how that would affect him; being a partner to someone who has close family ties when raised in a family where independence was more valued than interdependence always affects how well parties can adapt to merging ingrained lifestyle patterns. I hope you can mentally list all the good things that are part of this scenario, with the notion that this won't be forever, in all likelihood you'll outlive the parents, so make the best of things for now-- it'll be rewarded in spades when they pass on and your husband remembers how you handled everything now. I'm also pretty sure your husband senses, even without knowing directly why, that there is something amiss when it comes to his parents and you-- watch your body language, which often gets us into trouble even though we might not speak a word. :-)


Ryde' On
Rating
Because like most women , you are so competitive and insecure you feel the need to compete , even with his parents. It's not a contest.


Lexi
No I don't think anything is wrong with you,but your husband needs to grow up and learn how to set boundaries with his parents,and think for himself.Occasionally seeking advice from ones parents is fine,but if it's a constant thing,that's not cool.You husband needs to care more about your opinion since he is married to you,than what his parents think.Talk to him and explain how he makes you feel in a calm manner without blaming and accusing,and if possible seek the help of a counselor. You have to decide how much of this behavior you are willing to put up with,good luck and best wishes.


no1advice
Laura he won't change so don't sit back thinking he will change....he won't. This is his parents. He has been with them his WHOLE LIFE now....you....a very short time. So who do you think takes precidence? His parents. So now figure out what your gonna do. You can be a friend and move on in life and date others. That's what I would do. You decide.


D.C. Maximus
Rating
Be patient. He is close to his folks. Although they sound a bit co-dependent, things could be worse such as his parents being mean to you and trying to run your married life.


BOYTOY
its your fault for being quiet about it. he does not know its a problem for you so he won't change anything. Also, you know how he was before you married him. Try communicating with him instead of expecting him to read your mind.


Nik
Um. Two reasons. 1. Mommy's son 2. He wants to hear his parents' advise, because they are old and wise because of their age. They lived their lives and know what to do in certain situation. Moreover, ONLY your parents will give you true and honest advise. I think reason #2 is most likely to be the real thing. You should just talk to him, that's all : ) Good luck : )


Katie M
Rating
He has not cut the cord yet. It sounds like there is a lot of dependency issues on both sides. On the other hand, family is supposed to be there to help out when it's needed. Only you can decide if you want to continue the with the constant intensity of this family.







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