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My husband hates & ruined valentines day?
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My husband hates & ruined valentines day?

My husband HATES valentine's day but its the MOST important day of the year to me. i share my birthday with my stepson and anniversary with my husband and christmas with everyone else. So my husband sabotaged the day for me and told our 8 year old boy he was leaving and never coming back, told me he hated me and wanted a divorce and now wont' talk about it and expects us to go on "business as usual". I am head over hills in love with him inspite of him ruining our day. Our boy was in hysterics and was scared. How do I get past this? My husband feels betrayed because I got too close (no affair) to another man and I was honest with my feelings. (that other man is not in my life anymore). My husband says he doesn't want counceling. He was threating to hit me and to beat up my 80 year old father as well. I know everyone will say leave him, but its not that easy when you are in love with someone and have a child and a life with that person. I just don't know what to do. We have been together for 18 years. He hates Valentine's Day because he married his 1st wife 26 years ago on valentine's day and he had a stillborn 22 years ago on feb 13th. - we have had 4 babies die so i understand the pain. I have stayed with him because he hasn't been this abusive since the early 90's. His anger comes from the fact that I allowed myself to get too close to another man - no affair - no sleeping or kissing that guy and that guy is out of my life and I feel nothing for him anymore, but I was honest with my husband about the feelings that were developing. Also - this is the 1st year that he has ruined valentine's day. - He has always taken me out for dinner, bought me cards, given me nice gifts and has made me feel special No - Drugs &/or Alcohol were not used by either of us







lovehealer
Rating
Speaking as a couples therapist, what on earth are you gaining from this relationship? What needs of yours are being met? Try this guide: Is Your Relationship Healthy? http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-is-your-relationship-healthy.html


sully
Rating
Did your husband drink or take anything on Valentine's Day?


that judi
Write a soap opera based on yoru life and with the money you receive, get a new life! Seriously, ask yourself why you think ANY of this ok and why you love someone who is abusive....therein lies the real issue.


Always Right
I am left to wonder how many Valentines Days you have had with this man? Is this your first Valentines Day? This doesn't sound like this is something new to you. It sounds like you have been through this before, or is there something magical that happened that makes him hate Valentines Day all of a sudden? Maybe his girlfriend ended up with a pretty good Valentines Day after all. Get some self esteem if not for yourself, stop sacrificing your child's well being, for your selfish need to be in love with an abusive man. He threatened to beat up an elderly man for God's sake. It should be quite easy to leave this man, knowing your child is scared of him. Your son is going to grow up to treat his wife the same way if you stay with him. Counseling will not save your marriage, and he will not change. You know everyone will tell you to leave, because you know that is exactly what you should have done long before now.


hiswife
He should have never told your son that. He was wrong for that. THe most important thing you can do is talk to hima nd find out if he was serious. Also find out why he would tell your son something like that. You should never intentionally put your kids in the middle of something like that. It takes 2 for a marriage to work ...well thats any relationship for that matter...but you cannot stay where you are unhappy. You also have to remember that whatever affects you will affect your children and they will in turn start in the same unhappiness. You have to think of them. Talk to him and see where things stand but I would definately confront him about talking to your son like that. Good Luck


Greyhound Mama
I understand you love this man, but read what you wrote! He knows it's an important day for you, yet he upsets your son, tells you he hates you, and then wants a divorce. He had threatened to physically harm you AND your father. Do you think he wouldn't do the same to your son? Ask yourself what kind of example that is setting for your son. Ask yourself what kind of life or happiness you really have when the person you love is saying he will leave or hurt you. That's no life if you ask me. Do not give this man the chance to hurt either of you. If he wants a divorce, give him one.


Cecilia M
Rating
Gosh, you don't know what to do and I'm not sure what to tell you. There is more going on here than him hating V-day. His temper and behavior are BIG causes for concern. I understand you love him, but it isn't like all the love in the world you have to give will change the fact that he has anger issues. If he won't get counseling, then maybe YOU should go to counseling to help you figure out why in the world you continue to stay with a man who threatens you and your family and then tries to act as if nothing is wrong.







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