My husband is emotionally abusive and a little pysically too, he says its my fault. Does he need help or me?

monogamyisgolden	Blaming you for his outbursts is just his way of justifying his undesirable and completely unnecessary behavior. In your question, you ask if we Y! Answerers feel that your husband needs help. Well, in my opinion, you both need help. It is quite obvious that your mate is in desperate need of psychological attention--and fast! You, on the other hand, are in need of a safer place to stay and peace of mind. (A little therapy wouldn't hurt either, especially seeing that there may be a self-esteem issue at play here.) Being a battered woman is no fun, and eventhough your husband has not caused any serious physical harm to you, who's to say that his "light taps" and mindless, yet emotionally draining tantrums will not lead up to it? I'm nothing more than a stranger, so I have no earthly idea what your financial situation is like at the moment, nor do I know anything about your family and/or any area organizations that can help you. What I do know, however, is that you are in a serious situation that you need to get out of--at least, until some changes are made.

olderbutwiser	Whoa!! Hold on here! He said "you made him do it!" How did you make him do it??? Super powers, shotgun??/ Huh? NO....he is abusive, and you need to get out of that situation right now!

notyou311	Your husband is the typical abuser. They always blame it on the victim. Get out now. It will only get worse.

GoldenGirl	There is no such thing as a little abusive. There is no excuse for him to physically touch you out of anger. Or to say emotionally hurtful things. You keep hiding behind excuses about who and what this man is really about. Your marriage isn't health at all and wasn't he like this before you married him.

sage seeker	Your husband is an abuser. You are enabling it by staying with him - regardless of whether you fight back or not. He needs intensive a counseling for batterers [located in most states and cities] You need domestic violence counseling to understand this unfortunate situation you have found yourself in; learn how to get out of it [safely]; and how to avoid similar relationships in the future. PLEASE do not hesitate.

audrey_halley2004	honey, all abusers usually say the abusee is the one at fault. He is the one that needs the help & you need one to get out of there unitl he gets the help he needs or in jail ! get to a battered womens shelter they can help you with what you need immediately. do not stay there & take his nonsense life is too short. either make him get the help he needs or have him arrested that will stop the nonsense. best of luck to you !

wild_orchid_tx36	Get out now before you do get hurt - and you will, trust me! He needs help but so do you - you don't have me "a submissive wife" Please seek help now!

c_kaper@yahoo.com	he needs help badly. and it is not your fault

Ade	You ARE too strong for him, trust me. Women who crave to be in a traditional husband/wife submissive/dominant type of relationship seek out men who appear that they will be dominant. Then it turns out, he's not really dominant, he's abusive. Then you're stuck. Hope overrides reality in these situations very often, trust me, I know first hand. Your husband has a serious personality defect called a personality disorder. Please read up on personality disorders, especially Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and especially at Sam Vaknin's website. It blew my mind in 2002 and really opened my eyes to what these men are about. But worst of all, the bad news is, they don't change. Ever. Please don't hold out hope, and don't waste your time.

finallyfree	No man has the right to be abusive to any woman. Leave him. Even if you love him. It will only get worse. Get out now.

Mean Gene	You probably brought this on yourself. Do whatever he tells you to do or you'll end up like Laci Peterson.

Nat	girl u have no reason to put yourself through this stress stress will kill you i wish i could help should no woman go through this please leave him he might harm you very bad u deserve better call the police

Violet Pearl	If "Everyone he has met knows he has an anger issue" why do you need to ask? Abusers always blame their victims. Seek help http://www.ndvh.org/ http://www.domesticviolence.org/intro.html

Angie N	He needs help and you need protection. Get out of there fast before it gets worse. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of abuse.

No Religion	Both of you need help . If you need help with self esteem issues talk to your doctor,church councellor, or a trusted friend. you don't need to deal with that bull$#** The only way he will stop doing this to you is when you stop letting him. God wants you to be alive and be a good person..I doubt God wrote you to be a personal pin cushion for him. get out of this. or have him charged with assault next time he pushes you. he will eventually learn a lesson.. Good luck..

DanceForeverrrBaby	I do NOT take that kind of abuse and neither should you because that is not right and I would break up with him. If u really love him then tell him that is it I am leaving if u don't get help and if he still hesitates then leave. This abusing could get worse and maybe even become very dangerous. So don't think he is the only man there are a lot of othr fish in the sea ;-)!

hazel	yes GODS says be submissive, but GOD also says a man should LOVE his wife has CHRIST LOVES the church.... GOD is not happy to see how you are suffering... i went through alot of what your going through and all i can say is pray for him and seek marriage counseling, and if he does not want to change move on.... he is the one with the problem not you.... one day he can really hurt you.... and if their are children involved in this marriage this situation is even worse... seek help... go to church and have the church pray for you and him... if you have no children from him then i tell you RUN!!! RUN HAS FAST HAS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS ABUSIVE LOSER!!! wake up sweety their are better things for u out there then this piece of sh**t... good luck and take care!

jaed_43725	He doesnt just need counseling. You need to get out of that situation right now. I mean the very second you read this. Then when you are seperated you should both go to couples therapy and he to anger managment. There is potential for your life to be in danger. I would never so much as raise my voice to my wife.

dianesomeone	all abusive men blame their wives for the abuse...it is part of the syndrome...it will not get better, it will only get worse....no matter what you do, it will always be your fault....and I disagree with you...he is not just a "little" physically abusive....he is very physically abusive and that will continue to get worse as well...the only way to stop this is to leave him...he will not change,,,,get out before you really get hurt or worse...good luck

?	It is not your fault that he abuses you. It is is fault and his problem. You either need to go for couseling or just get out of this marriage all together. It will just get worse and worse till someone really get hurt or is killed. Things like this just don't heal themselves and go away. So please either get couseling or get out while you can.

CassandraM	Get out - get away, he does need help. But whether you stay or not, whether he finally gets really out of control and kills you or not.....even if you leave, he will not seek that help until he personally sees the need for it and earnestly desires it. If he's going to quote Scripture at you, remember the wife is submitting herself to a husband who loves her as Christ loves the church. What your husband is dishing out isn't love....not even remotely. Get out - it will only get worse. I know - been there, done that, tried EVERYTHING possible to "help" him. I finally helped myself and walked out the door. Two weeks later a "new" girlfriend surfaced....she didn't get away and he broke her nose, her spirit, and ended up putting her in the hospital. I walked away to a new life, a happy life, a life where home was a place I could feel at ease in and look forward to going to, instead of dreading what might happen today. Wishing you the best, which means the courage to do what is best for you - completely apart from him!

Irish	the bible says---I hate divorce---but the second part of that verse that abusive men do not say is--I also hate a man of violence---abusive men do not stop being abusive until they get help---this will only continue to escalte until he gets help----he needs counseling and he needs to know that its illegal and immoral to abuse you. As far as putting the blame on you---thats a bunch of crapola----he needs to take responsibility for his actions. Blessings and good luck

ChiQuiBaby	Darling. As a health professional and not having met your husband, I am concerned for YOUR well being. You need to care for your health and it sounds like you are being provoked into lashing out, which anyone would do. It is in our biological make up to fight or flee when backed into a corner and when you can't flee...You get the picture. Calling names, being demeaning, threatening, using power to intimidate are ALL forms of abusive behaviour and you both need to get help to either move on from the relationship and heal or for you to move on. He has the problem with anger but you both are living with the consequences.

CR329	He clearly needs help. There's no such thing as 'you make me do this'. One's actions are each person's sole responsibility and kudos to you for taking a stand even when it might be easier not to.

Shadow	Your husband is the abuser. No one makes someone abuse them. Your husband wants to be the controller, the one with the power. It is so wrong for him to treat you this way. He sounds very much like my ex-husband. And I stress EX. Get out before he really hurts you bad. Abusers will ALWAYS be abusers. They might say they will change, and say they are sorry. They can promise they won't do it again, but believe me, these are empty promises. This is said just to manipulate you into staying. They make you feel sorry for them, as if they are the victim. This is the same old circle that will keep going round and round. You stay, they are good for a week, then they get abusive again. They apologize, you forgive them......until the next time. It is a pattern. It won't stop. Get out before it is to late.

rkilburn410	this is abuse , and yes it is your husbands problem, not your fault, and you either seek councelling or a lawer, because this is not going away, it will only get worse, because you husband believes he is not a man unless he is totally dominating you and all around him, He is the one that needs help, but will never admit it, please be careful as he can and will hurt you very bad and even may kill you in a rage. Yes he will be sorry, but you will be dead. So stop being his punching bag and get help for your self

patrick s	From this situation i think that your husband having other problems that really affect him and he don't know how to handle it. This problem might be shameful, hurts or can cause conflict. From my prospective i think he's inneed of a psychologist.