My husband just doesn't get it.?

racermom	For most men it is in their nature to want to "fix" what is not working. They don't mean it in a demeaning or ugly way they just really don't like to see people they love in a situation that they know is hurting them. You need to talk to him and prior to what ever conversation that you have when you just need him to listen let him know that first. Perhaps saying something along the lines of "Sweetie I know that you always want what is best for everyone and you never like to see someone hurting but I need you to just listen and hold me so I can feel your support right now." Men really can not read our minds as we can not read theirs and sometimes, although not all the time, they can just be your strong point in a storm. Yes, you should lean on your girlfriends for some of the emotional stuff but not exclude your husband. Women are able to just sympathize and feel emotions for someone else just because they know that the other person needs to get it out. Men are not wired that way in general. Let him know you need him to just be your strong shoulder to lean on right now and that although you are sure he has many great ideas you just need to vent your frustrations and get it out but don't really need solutions right now. Communication is key to any relationship.

austin360	Write him a note explaining exactly what you want him to do (or not to do) next time you need compassion or someone to listen. Give it to him. Make him read it. You have to begin a training program. He can't know what you want unless you give specific instructions. That's how guys work.

Plus Size Panther!	I am not married, so I can not answer about it too much. Tell him all what you had typed here. Tell him you don't need him to fix it and that you just need him to listen. He may be frustrated that he can not help you because maybe he feels that is his job to help his wife. But something can be fix by husbands. If you have friends that you trust and love you for you then it would not hurt to tell both husband and friend. I hope you feel better. :)

gravelgertiesgems	I hear you loud and clear. Many times all we want is a sounding board, not a solution. I find that girlfriends will do the same thing, offer advice when all you want is someone to hear you. I started a diary on my computer at home. I dare not offer to other's ears some of the things I was upset about. Then I began a Bible Study and now feel the actually relaxation by giving my problems to my Father, Jehovah. I actually feel better. There are no recriminations and afterward, my conscience advises me better than any one person could - because I'm not trying to do it alone.

Blessed Rain	all men want to be the hero and fix all the problems. When you sit down to talk to him about things maybe you should qualify the conversation with "I just want to vent" or I really need someone to just listen to me - don't fix just listen. its good to have a good girlfriend to talk to but you really need your husband to be there and to be the one to talk to about most of this stuff. also there are somethings you will not want to share with the world and would rather vent to your hubby about. thank him for wanting to fix it but let him know that you don't need "it" fixed.

mountaineagle7	I hate to admit it, but we men are dense sometimes. We are raised believing that we are always supposed to be the knight in shining armor that comes in and rescues the damsel in distress from her dragons. What we don't realize is that sometimes those dragons can be slayed with a simple hug or 5-10 minutes of shutting our mouths and just listening with the television off. But this is not something we just understand one day. You have to explain it to us in full detail at some point for it to finally sink in. See women and men have different kinds of needs. We truly think in two completely different wave patterns. Women are more emotionally responsive, whereas a man wants it spelled out plain and clear. I suggest sitting your husband down and explaining what you want, and let him know what he is not doing right. Once he understands the rules, I'm quite certain he will get better at the game.

acmeraven	Men and women think differently. Accept it as a scientific fact. In time he may learn; men are slow thinkers and are used to plodding along doing one thing at a time. Women are much more adept at multi-tasking; men aren't. It is a genetic thing; from times gone by when women had to do six things at the same time and all the man did was pull a plow around and around in a circle all day long (boooooooring). Could also explain why women are more excitable and men are unimaginative.

Rebornie	Please read 'Men are from Mars & Women Are from Venus' together.

the need to know	Well I tell you, Guys are good with fixing everything except a woman. Because you look at something broken and say, all this needs is this or that to fix it....well with a woman, you never know what they need to fix it. I found a plaque that had a saying that helps me with women....it says, love me when I least diserve it, thats when I need it the most.

goldwing	make your life easy for yourself and get a girlfriend to talk to. None of us can be all and everything to our mates...yours doesn't have a high compassion quotient, so why make an issue of it..this is not news to you, so why are you going off about it now. He is himself, no more, no less. Get your compassion where you must, get your love from him...it is really no big deal, and is far more common than you think. Sorry to be bad news here, but at least it is practical. Good luck

hot_tamale962	that's sad, go talk to a professional. I divorced my husband because he was cold hearted and non emotional, I worked with him for over 20 years first though. feel like I should have left 20 years ago. the only thing I am grateful for is my 2 wonderful daughters. that's what I got from our marriage. thank God for my girls!

cmd71799	I've been married for almost eight years and I always turn to a girlfriend first. You and your girlfriend will be able to talk about it, come up with ideas to make it better, etc. A man always wants to be able to just "fix it". Sometimes it can't be fixed and that's when the man gets frustratred. Talk to a girlfriend first and then talk to your husband.

cmdrbnd007	Men aren't built like that when we see a problem we want to fix it and it frustrates us when we can't. Don't blame him too much it takes some time to change and just shut up and listen but let him know, when you aren't upset about something, that that is what you want.

DAVE	Yea, go to your favorite bookstore and get a copy of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Grey. Read it Together.

reene2g	talk to a close friend or sister, then later when he is in the mood of talking u can tell him about it. You'll be nagging him so don't push each others buttons now.

greyc143	Some times i feel this way to and heres what you have to do. Be happy with yourself, you can not depend on him to make u or break you. You just need to pull it together on your own and deal because only you can make you happy.

Ming	Men need instructions. We all do. Tell him how you want him to look at you and what he can do to demonstrate more compassion, and what will show you that he cares. It's very vague the way you have it written here. Talk it out, listen to him too, by all means, Communicate. You can't get what you want until you learn how to ask for it, girly!

Moondog	This is a common problem with men (including me). Men feel that if something is wrong for their woman it is their responsibility to fix it. It is somehow tied into that male ego - protective thing.

Druqk	guys are logical a problem has a solution. women are emotional ie you need to "feel" better. make sense yet

stephen k	I think so. I mean, compassion is part of the marriage contract. There is certainly a miscommunication problem betweent he two, but I would first sit him down and lay out some ground rules to make it clear

fulop_fulker	if you cannot deal with it then why did you get married?? come on grow up!! just talk to him!!!

Billie	I'd have an affair. That'll fix it. Try a co-worker or a former boyfriend. Take pictures and leave them where your husband will find them. Ruin your marriage, your family and your reputation, all the while thining it was "justified".

Small Town	Tell him what you just told everyone on here! He will listen if you just sit him down to talk to him about. He may be getting frustrated causehe doesnt understand what you want him to do! Talk to him!!!

L	Husbands and men in general have no clue. If it does not impact them they dont care. You need to find a friend to confide in and give up on trying to get compassion from your man you will never get it.

bydsophie	Some thing in life men will never understand. Sadly u have to except this and move on. Tell him wot u want him to do... why give hints etc.. Say i want u to do this and he will if he dont find a friend or a lover who can help u

*AntA mAriA*	There is certainly bad communication in this relationship. Go to couples counseling, there he will learn to open up...

Yoda's Tattoo	That's the difference between men and women my dear. Have you said just what you've told us here to him? Many times, us guys don't get the clues you're trying to give us. You just need to come right out and say it.

slopoke6968	hmmmm men--this is why im NOT married.........

sanbox69	I'll listen to you sweetie ;)