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My husband wants to be a swinger and I don't...What do I do?
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My husband wants to be a swinger and I don't...What do I do?

My husband wants to us to be swingers and I am not interested in this lifestyle. I never have been and he knew that before we were married. He tells me that if I cared about him enough I would make the sacrifice and take part in the swinging lifestyle for him because he feels that it is necessary to have a fulfulling life. I am opposed and don't see how we can overcome such a huge conflict. I can't see a resolution. Can anyone give any suggestions.







sweetbuglove
My friend got married 6yrs ago and her husband wanted to start being a swinger, so she did it and he loved it and wanted to start bringing home other women. When my friend said no he left her. The point i'm trying to tell you is it worth it, there is no reason to bring other people in, you should be woman enough for him and if he doesn't think so then he is not the one for you. If your heart tells you not to do it dont cause if you do you will regret it later. Good Luck


Lottie W
Tell him this is a DEAL-breaker. Tell him it is not about love or respect. It is that he is trying to force-bully-you into doing something you think is disgusting.
He is showing YOU that he doesn't care about your feelings or your marriage vows.
He is an adult. He can do this if he wants.
YOu are an adult. YOu can refuse if you want.
You cannot make another person do what you want, but you can honor yourself and move on.
There is only one way to solve this: leave a marriage that is broken.
Don't do anything that would make you ashamed or feel yucky to keep some guy interested in you. YOu learned that in high school.
You do not have to get divorced, or be angry or mean, just be gone.
If he wants to swing, let him swing on that.
Kids or not, you are not married to a married man. YOu are married to a swinger who wants to swing. Take your kids and go. Have him send a check to your new address.
You can do this.


Quasimodo
Really? Let me repeat this again..."If you cared about me you'd make this sacrifice and take part in this lifestyle because it's necessary for me to have a fulfilling life".

Wow. Hey. Let me ask you.....how'd you ever hook up with such an imbicile like this guy? I mean...sure is nice to know that you're opinion and the fact that you made it quite clear years ago that this was not your lifestayle is taken into consideration.

Lady....you can't see a resolution because there isn't one. Any guy who gives you such half-a*ssed reasoning as he has is considered unsavable.

Your solution is this. Stand your ground and tell him..."If my refusing to do this is stopping you from leading a (snicker at this point) 'fulfilling' life then far be it from me to impede that. Get out. Now." Or you make plans to leave and take the bank account with you.
What an ignoramous. Its amazing there are people out there who actually present their spouses with such moronic arguments.


Elizabeth L
If he really cares about you and loves you, then he won't try to manipulate you into doing something you have no interests in. Swinging is not like fishing or bowling. If it was something along those lines, I would say, "try it before you say no." However, this is asking you to compromise your beliefs, morals and values. He knew before marriage that you would not take part in it. Tell him if he wants to pursue that life style, he can do it on his own, as a DIVORCED man. Tell him also that his future wife should consent to such a thing BEFORE he marries her.


eagleswings
he is trying to manipulate your decision by saying if you love me you would. Well if he really loved you he would never suggest such a thing. I feel sorry for you if you allow him to control you and get you to change your mind. This is a very dangerous sign that your marriage is not enough for him


*‚ô•Beauty is pain‚ô•*
Rating
IF you cared about him enough?! If he cared about you enough he wouldn't ask you to take part in something so disgusting. This is just an excuse for him to cheat. Leave the nasty b@stard.


Cool Beans;-P
Rating
He says if you cared about him you would do a swing but why not flip the script on him and say "if you loved me too then you wouldn't want to have a swinging relationship.am i right??" if he doesn't understand that you need to move on b/c that is disgusting.


jim's girl
marriage counseling or a divorce lawyer, those sound like your only options, sorry...


helly
I think the word 'swinging' in this situation just means 'having his cake and eating it too'.

Anyone who goes into swinging goes into it as a couple and with complete mutual trust and consent. If either one is reluctant, it will never work. In fact, I think often even if both are into it, it can end in disaster, so the stakes are always high.

He says if you cared about him you'd do it... well if he cared about you, he'd never pressure you.


bully
Rating
you shouldnt have got married in the first place. what could happen you go swing you hate it and divorce him... you say no he gets pissed and does it without you. you find out get divorced. there is no good way out of this


Cali
No go... marriage is about two people only (then why be married?).. obvioulsy, he wants more that! I would say bye bye.. plus, if you did you would need to worry about diseases, HIV.. why would you put yourself in that situation?


Genevieve
Rating
Uh-oh! Might as well get rid of him pronto! You can't overcome it. This is a sign he wants other women. Find someone better.


Ana Thema
Find out what are your oppositions and consider what it might take for you to overcome. That's the first step. If you do not face this part first but agree to it anyway, you will regret it and become miserable. Don't just convince yourself to be okay with it; allow yourself to naturally become okay with it.


Flaca_in_Az
Rating
What part of NO!! he doesn't understand? I read here on y/a yest about a situation where a wife..I think...went and did it..till this day she can't stop crying having regrets about the whole thing .Don't do it!!!


Babycat
And -if he cared about you - he would make the sacrifice and NOT take part in the swinging lifestyle. If he knew this before you were married, he should realize that you are not going to change your mind. Don't do it to please him - it will make you feel terrible about yourself. I hope that you do not have children yet - because if he insists on doing this and you don't want to - the marriage will not survive. Stick to your guns - if it is not what you choose to do - don't.


The One, The Only Krandazzo!
leave his selfish disgusting @ss.....hes looking for an excuse to sleep with other women, dont put yourself through that just divorce him, because if you dont do what he wants expect hes probably going to cheat.


gtogdad
Rating
You can start by asking yourself why he would rather be a swinger than a devoted husband.....


lbtrusting
Rating
Tell him if you and only you don't satisfy him then the marriage is over.And I think if he cared anything about you he wouldn't force you into it.


gingygirl
Rating
I am throwing the BS flag here....
If he loved and cared about you then he won't ask you. Do NOT sacrifice your moral and your values for this because it will only end in disaster. Stick to your guns and if that is not something he can live with then perhaps being married to him is not right and what he needs.
Good luck and you are right for holding onto your beliefs!!!


Mean Carleen
I see a solution....its called a divorce


bikerman0966
Yea, swing him right out the door, and shut it behind him, he should get the message.


calendargirl
Rating
If you are truly against it and he won't change his mind then there is no way to resolve it. I know people that have lived this way and it never turns out good, and they were in agreement to do it.


Silence
Rating
If he truly cares for you he would not try to force you into something like this that you are totally uncomfortable with. I would suggest divorcing him, as he is only using the swinging lifestyle as an excuse because he wants to be with others. You will probably not be able to get past this problem. I'm sorry but he is very selfish and he does not care about how you feel.


RedRabbit
Tell him that he is committed to you and only you, or you will get a divorce.


Client 9-Valerie X
Rating
Yeah, I suggest you dump him because he is a disgusting PIG!







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