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My husband wants to start using domestic discipline? MATURE AND SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE?
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My husband wants to start using domestic discipline? MATURE AND SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE?

My husband's sister & her husband have been part of a domestic discipline relationship for a little over a year now. (For those of you who do not know, it is when a couple gives their consent for either the man or woman; usually the man; to lead the household. If he feels it is needed, he can punish the woman when she does something wrong - usually by spanking, writing lines, cornertime, etc.) It has worked tremendously for their relationship, especially since they were considering divorce earlier last year. My husband's sister's husband is constantly telling her that if she is going to behave like a child he will treat her like one. My husband wants to try it to see how it goes, but I'm still wondering if I should. My sister-in-law's husband uses paddles, belts & other implements for punishment, always on her bare bottom. My sister-in-law insists that it works but I just want a few extra opinions from SERIOUS people. Any experience with this?? Thank you! Only positive responses please

Veruca Salt
What you each need is control of your own lives, not of each other. You need a hobby, sport or workplace where you can each be the boss, and master of your domain - then not try to bring that dominance issue home - or if you do, divide it into delegated jobs. eg the old fashioned wife in charge of kids, cleaning, etc...man in charge of bills, garbage, mechanics .. or whatever. And the other one doesn't interfere (as much as possible) and each person has interest in the other's life, but not entire control. Ha, yeah ... I'm dreaming. Marriage is an interesting evolving battle. End of story.

Vince L
Yes Domestic Discipline is a wonderful way to live as long as the man is a real man, kind loving and protective as opposed to a bully that can not determine the difference between dominant and dominerring. Men and women were born with instincts. Men were born with a dominant instinct to lead. Women were born with a submissive instinct to be lead and to nurture. In order for the man to be a protector he must give rules and have the right to enforce those rules if they are not followed. Rules are always meant to keep her safe. If she break them she must be taught a lesson. Spanking/paddling/whipping/ writing lines and corner times are excellent ways for a women to be kept in line. And kept safe.

tell your husband you want to try it for a month or two..if its you tell your husband your in it, if not,, hey you tryed it, didnt like it...its not for you. good luck.

Well it looks like I will be the only one to tell you that it may be a positive experience for the both of you. I am currently in a relationship where we practice domestic discipline, and it is very fulfilling. You two establish what the rules are and what will happen if the rules are broken. This is a mutual commitment. I am a strong, independent woman. The fact that I live this lifestyle does not mean I am weak or that I am not in control of my life. I suggest that you try it and if you do not think it is for you, then go no further. If you are interested in information on the subject, there are a couple of websites that offer information: Taken In Hand (my favorite) and Loving Domestic Discipline. I hope this helps. Good Luck

lisa j
I'm all for it. when I'm being pissy i get asked if i want a spanking and if i don't get better i get sent to our room where i have to wait for my spanking. I take off my pants and sit on the bed with the paddle. When he comes in i get put over his knee i get my swats. I cry a little he tells me everything is ok. sometime he puts me in a diaper if I have been acting like a baby. everything works out great

Tam I Am
Alright, I think Daph should at least give it a try as Mr Philip K suggested. I am in a spanking relationship with my husband and it teeters on DD b/c although I sometimes receive punishment spankings it really is a kind of erotic role play. He does not control my whole life, just that small part in the bedroom when we can. But we both enjoy it and benefit from it. I asked some similar questions - just look at my recent Q's. Just make sure that if you do try it and it is not for you get out of it before he becomes hooked. Maybe you can simply have some role play spanking fun instead.

Angie L.
Oh....Wow....Yeah, I have experience with this. It was called getting my ass kicked by my ex-husband..... I hope none of you have children. Wife beaters in the making (meaning your sons) and women who will never believe in how strong they can ever become (meaning your daughters). All of you need so much therapy....OMG...

Although DD isn't my thing - too serious and formalised for my tastes - I know quite a few couples who practise it and, like your sister-in-law and her husband, it does seem to work well for them. In some cases it's a two-way thing, with the husband also getting punished if he transgresses, but more commonly the man's the one in charge. If you're going to try it, I'd suggest: first that you sit down together and agree just what the rules and boundaries are; and second, that you just try it for a limited period, say a month. If at the end of that period you're not happy with it - or indeed if he isn't - it should be dropped, with no reproaches or recriminations.

my wife uses a paddle on me for discipline and punishment.its a turn on for her not for me.since i was a bad husband in the past and she stood by me through my screw ups I accept it when I get out of line. kids are gone now. but im always worried about somone finding that paddle.hey she could have thrown me out on the streets.

Don't you remember being a teenager and getting punished by your parents? Do you really want that for you marriage?!

Susan D
I'm sorry, but I do not think that anything positive can come from this type of relationship, at least not for you. It sounds a little to me like your sister in law has been dominated to the point that she will say this arrangement is wonderful because her husband says it is and how dare she disobey him by saying otherwise. I am not saying this is the case, but I can't imagine her saying otherwise if she has allowed herself to be dominated and humiliated and punished for the last year by her husband. If you agree to this type of arrangement, you are setting yourself up for some serious self esteem issues. You are an adult and should have an equal voice in your marriage and how you conduct your every day life. Who is your husband to say "when you've done something wrong" and to decide on "punishment"? I think there is a very fine line between this type of relationship and a potentially abusive relationship and, if it does become abusive, will you have enough courage to stand up to your husband and leave him? This arrangement could have serious consequences--for you and your marriage. What type of example are you setting for your children (if you have any). Seeing this could be very emotionally disturbing for your children. I would suggest some marriage counseling or speaking with your pastor. Good luck to you!

Deborah R
Please do not enter into this. It sounds extremely sick. Frankly it sounds like a good opportunity for an abusive man to act out his abuse. You are a grown woman; not to mention - you deserve to be respected.

I realize you only want one point of view but that's just strange. If you have any self-respect and maturity, tell the idiot to get lost.

yeah, no problem, if you are into games and role playing. sure. if you are ignorant, innocent, or naive, you should know that this would be illegal without your consent. i would love to try this on my wife sometimes, but i would be picking my as s of the ground 12hrs. later after she hit me in the head with a skillet. if you like, or need to be controlled this may work for you, otherwise tell him where he can go.

This made me want to throw up when I read this. All this man is doing is treating his wife like a child, not his wife. He is abusing his wife and his position as a husband. I recommend you don't go this route.

I honestly don't agree with it. I am old fashioned and I do believe the husband is the head of the household but I don't believe in hitting. I believe that that door should never be opened in a relationship. Men behave like children as well. If this was for fourplay reasons then I would say go for it honey but I have a hard time getting my mind around my husband spanking me and I am not getting pleasure out of it. I do believe you should do whatever makes you marriage work but what works for others may open up a can of worms for you. If it aint broke then don't try to fix it. If you guys are fine the way you are then leave that out. If someone has to convince you to do something or if your doubts are so strong that you have ask others what they think then you may not want to give this a shot just yet. Talk to your hubby. After all he will be the one you enter into this agreement with.

Wow! Isn't this a form of S&M? I'm sure your husband wants to try it....coulnd't imagine why he wouldn't. BUT here's the problem. Sure, you could do this, but you'd give up the right to have a say, go anywhere, do anything and submit to his total control. How long is it going to be before you get fed up and leave? Will you even be able to? Honey, this is not a good idea any way you look at it. Your husband's sister is a nutjob and chances are, her husband came up with the idea. For them to even think this is okay, makes me wonder if they didn't grow up in a household where "dad" had all the control and mom was a servant. As an outsider looking in, I'm seriuously asking that you remind yourself of your vows. Nowhere in there does it say that you enlisted in slavery, or you are to do what you are told, or that spankings were required. It's not what you signed up for and if you are that weak of a person who has such little respect for herself, get some therapy....because this is going to land you in an institution or damaged goods for the next guy.

all I can say is Different strokes for different folks...Good luck to you! * * * Example: look up "Dirty Sanchez".....some people are into that??

OMG you cant seriously be thinking about doing this really. I find it disrespectful, insulting, degrading, controlling, domineering, overbearing, and all around horrible. I'd never surrender my spirit to this kind of treatment. He uses implements for punishment! Thats physical abuse. It may work in their relationship because she has surrendered herself and all responsibility to him. Its just so demeaning. You're an adult and have the right to stand up and be equal and have your voice heard. If you think you can be truly happy doing this then by all means do it. I could just never subject myself to that kind of treatment. Nor could I be the one initiating it. I couldn't ever do that to someone. Its disgusting.

Whoa!! just because it is working for their marriage doesn't mean that it will work for your marriage.Only agree to it if that is what "you" want,not your husband.If you do it because your husband wants to then you will not be happy.I have never had this type of experience but listening to you talking about it turns me off completely because agreeing to do something like this will lower your self esteem,make you feel less than human and basically putting your husband in complete control of your life!!! But for those who choose to have this type of life style then I wish them all the luck. Just make sure you are doing this because you want to and not because your husband want you to. And if you decide to go ahead and try it make sure you discuss the forms of punishment.I wish you much luck!!!

Well for one, I think this isn't really a real sort of thing that happens between couples. To me It sounds more like another Dominance and submission sort of game or something. I know some couples play these games. But your sister-in-law and her husband is taking it very seriously. So I think its more of their preferred "lifestyel". I don't really advise you and your husband getting into it if neither of you have trully done any sort of Dominance and Submission. I mean one thing may be good for the goose but definitely not for the gander. Not only that, but have you seriously thought about how demeaning that could be to you? Having the man that you love treating you like some little girl if you so much as speak your own mind. Or even have the nerve to tell you to go to time out when he has his friends over and you don't want them to be. I totally see this as giving up your rights as a wife. I mean this is trully, trully the most degrading thing I have ever heard of. I'm sorry if I'm not being positive to you here. But stop and think about what you are saying, what your sister-in-law is really giving up with her husband. Do you want to lose that with her brother as well? P.S. Talk this over thoroughly with your husband and don't do anything that you can never get out of. Because I'm for certain that it will cost you a lot more than you can imagine.

It sounds more like a fetish type of thing that they both enjoy, and it opened up a side of each of them that they probably weren't comfortable showing out of fear of the other person's reaction. Now that its out in the open, they both enjoy it, they are more open to each other because of it, and that's what improved their relationship. It doesn't seem like a valid foundation to base a relationship on unless both people truly want to participate. It seems to be giving the male more power and authority and depleting the woman of any at all. Like I said, if both agree and want it, I guess it would improve the relationship. If one party doesn't want to - most likely the female - there will be some pent up animosity that will develop toward the male because of it. Thats just my point of view.

Well I know you said only positive responses but how can being beatin or abused by your husband be positive? I think our ancestors fought hard for us why give up all we have fought for? How would he feel if you were the one "spanking" or hitting whatever? I think it is a very bad idea and the only reason it works is because the girl feels scared that she will be beatin if she leaves. This goes against every thing good a woman stands for and makes it seem ok to hit, these days you can not even do that to your child without getting law inforcement involved "unless behind closed doors with no one ever finding out" On top of it all if someone found out and called the police you can say you do not want to press charges but the police still can then your wife beating husband will go to jail and get charges pressed on him. Do not allow it to happen it is wrong in every way.

if you are into that sort of thing go for it. if not tell him to put the paddle you know where

If you're considering letting your husband treat you like he's your daddy, it sounds like you have some authority issues. What is it about your married life that makes you consider being powerless?

Are you sure that they aren't using this as role play?

Isn't there a more mature way to handle this? Corner time and a butt whipping? How about taking away the car keys or credit card, or scrub the toilet?

just because this worked for them, does not mean that it will work for you. i think that they both have some serious dom/sub issues, but i guess if that works for them, whatever.

No I do Not Agree with that ,Why because you are a Grown adult and you know right from wrong.I am sure he acts like a child from time to time will he let you punish him?what you are describing to me is not a marriage it is a child parent relationship.

tim p
this does not seem like a healthy relationship i would try counseling

Sounds like "domestic discipline" is just another way to say "abusive relationship". It also sounds like the woman would have to give up her self-esteem and her identity for it to work. I certainly wouldn't advise that anyone with children raise them in this type of environment. It sounds like an unbalanced dynamic and would send the wrong message to a child. This is a serious answer but you asked for only positive responses. That implies you have already made up your mind to try it and just want reinforcement for your decision. Maybe it is working for your in-laws short term, but it doesn't mean it will work for the long term. Have you ever thought that maybe your SIL is afraid to ask for a divorce since many women living in abusive relationships fear really speaking their minds? Maybe you should ask your husband about reversing the roles and see how he likes being the down trodden and abused spouse who can expect beatings if he doesn't conform. I'll bet that would be a deal breaker!

i think they should talk it out instead of using violence... if it is close to divorce then go to marriage councelling. good luck

I Bleed Black & Gold
i don't agree with treating a wife or women like that.marriage is a 50/50 deal.

I only believe that God made Eve from Adam's rib, to walk beside him. Not from his foot to walk on her.

Ma'am I seriously think you have lost your DAMN MIND! it is NEVER okay to HIT your spouse, NEVER< okay in the bible it is said for us to submmit to our husbands, because he is the leader of the household. He should not belittle you in anyway, that is not marriage that is CONTROL! he has the word of GOD saying he is the leader of the house, what more does he need? Please reconcider this, it's childish, and disrespectful to you.

I'm sorry I can't give a positive response to this...where is the respect in this type of relationship...wives aren't slaves or children to their husbands...and should not be treated or asked to be treated as such. I feel if you are going to allow this kind of treatment, you have no need to feel as if someone else is degrading you, you will have already done so yourself.

Well...as for a positive response....I'm positive that this is a bad idea. It is just another form of abuse...Its humiliating and degrading. Unless your into that kind of thing. Some women enjoy and are even turned on by being submissive...so if that's the case, then go for it. Just make sure that if it ever leads to you feeling humiliated and degraded that you have the right to back out of the decision you made. My thoughts on the matter is that if domestic discipline is the route you go, then you have the right to punish your husband as well. If he does wrong or acts like a child he should have corner time, write lines, and get spankings.

I don't think it is a good system. I'm sure your husband DOES want to try it.

white spiral
sorry but that sounds crazy, marriage to me is a partnership, I dont want to control my husband or have him control me.

I guess you need to ask yourself if you are a grown women or a child. I would find that kind of treatment degrading and insulting but if it works for them, who am I to disagree. If you don't mind being treated as a child go for it.

This could easily turn into physical abuse from the sound of it. Steer clear of this kind of "relationship." If your husband insists on it, his intentions are clear--I'd have a serious talk with him now about it. Good luck!

Marriage is suppose to be an equal partnership. If you allow your husband to "punish" you that is nothing short of emotional abuse and bullying! You are both adults and should both act like it and form a partnership!

Dana E
This doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship-between spouses or with a child. If you are wondering, you know the answer.

Steve C
I think someone in any relationship needs to be the final say for decisions. I think this depends on the man and woman, and I can see situations where it might be helpful. I personally wouldn't do it, I think finding compromise is a needed part of any relationship, and that shuts the door on most of that.

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