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My parents always fight and expect me to mediate their fights. What should i do? I'm 15.?
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My parents always fight and expect me to mediate their fights. What should i do? I'm 15.?

My parents have been fighting since before i was born and they always do it in front of me. They've thought of getting a divorce more than 10 times and are in the midst of another "divorce". My dad blames me for all the fights and my mom expects me to stop them. The last time I did try and stop the fight, it became physical and I got beaten by my dad and he was arrested. I want them to get a divorce but i don't think they even know what they want. My mom always drags my dad's family into the fight and my dad yells at my mom and for every little thing. They've gotten therapy but nothing works. I just don't know why they don't freakin get a divorce. When I don't get involved they blame me and when I do they still blame me for their fights. Someone please just talk to me, I dont know what to do anymore. My parents have been fighting since before i was born and they always do it in front of me. They've thought of getting a divorce more than 10 times and are in the midst of another "divorce". My dad blames me for all the fights and my mom expects me to stop them. The last time I did try and stop the fight, it became physical and I got beaten by my dad and he was arrested. I want them to get a divorce but i don't think they even know what they want. My mom always drags my dad's family into the fight and my dad yells at my mom and for every little thing. They've gotten therapy but nothing works. I just don't know why they don't freakin get a divorce. When I don't get involved they blame me and when I do they still blame me for their fights. Someone please just talk to me, I dont know what to do anymore. I have tried to talk to my parents on numerous occasions and I have no family members, no aunts or uncles or grandparents that live near or in the US i dun wanna burden my friends Please ignore the first paragraph of the second detail but yeah I have no relatives that live nearby and my friends, I dont want them to know the full situation nor burden them with my problems. I dont have anywhere to escape and I dont wanna feel like I betrayed my mom or dad or sisters when I just try to save myself. My dad is so angry right now and anything I tell them about how i feel or how i dont want it, they know and they ignore. From what i can understand, both my parents have serious mental conditions and they are in denial even with psychotherapy. I thank everyone for the care and concern and the fact that many of you took time to pray for me. Right now I'm just praying to God and seeking comfort from him. I've always been alone in my life and bottled up my emotions but now I don't feel so alone knowing there are ppl there who care. Thank you

Don't be used by them. Don't mediate. Tell them to leave you out of it. Tell them that if they want to get divorce, go ahead.

First of all, try and get a job and a car(even if its a cheap car,my first cart was $900 but i could get away form the house). When I was your age and my parents acted like yours, I had to figure out how to save myself first. That is what you need to do. Find a way to "save" youself. Grandparents, aunts/uncles, someplace safe for you to go. Many times when my parents would start fighting I would go in and tell them "shut the hell up" and then I would leave. I bought my car when I was 15 so I always knew that I had a way out of the house. Then i would go sleep in my car at the lake, or go to a friends house, or whatever i could do to have a peaceful place to be. You are NOT your parents problem. I don't know what is but it sounds like they are not happy with each other and you are stuck in the middle. Stay out of harms way. Good luck and God bless

kumari r
I'm so impressed by your story, for few minutes I couldn't think anything.If therapy or anyothersolutionsdidn't work so only tool you have is patients Be patient till age that you can live independently.During this period u must do hard your education or anything suitable for yourfuture Independence. I know such a girl got her relief by this way & now leading a very big role in socity. She is helping so many children in same situation

Your parents are being foolish and selfish. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this situation at all. You should be enjoying your years as a teenager doing fun teenager things and not be burdened with their troubles because you only get to be that age once. I'm assuming that you have already tried talking to them, but they are probably not reasonable enough to understand your situation. Is there anyone else you could live with, like grandparents or aunt/uncle? You only have a few years left and then you will be able to move out. Talk to your counselor at school about applying for some scholarships and maybe you can get into a college a long, long way from home. Or at least a job if you aren't into school.

curiously me
You are in an awful position.If you can, your best bet would be to disappear if you think a fight is brewing. Go out, or to your bedroom and refuse to have anything to do with the fights.If they ask your opinion say that you don't know. be like the three monkeys see no evil, heard no evil etc etc.( I forget what the third one was) If they insist on asking you questions just say that you love them both and don't know what to think,but it makes you unhappy to be involved..

Your parents are severely immature, I'm sorry. Do you know who you would live with? I wonder if you have an Aunt you could stay with occasionaly. I ask this because most likely if your parents split up, they will start to date and usually the same patterns of fighting repeats, things could also get better or worse depending on the new partners. Fighting patterns have a way of circling around to the same situation when not kept in check, and it sounds like that's exactly what's happening. I applaud your bravery to jump in a fight and stop it, I'm sorry you were hit. Your parents are in need of a good target and when targeting each other isn't working, they target you. I don't know if talking to your parents will ever work - they might just get hyper-defensive. Try a letter. Try to leave a letter for them to read and mull over while you stay with a relative for a breather and some stress-free recooperation time. Write down how you feel and tell them you can't stand to see them so unhappy in life. Life is short and you don't want to grow up to be miserable, but how can you if they are your example? If you have a sound relative that would take you see if you can stay with them for a while while your parents grow up. Whether they split or not they need to grow up. See if they can sort out their problems without you as their target, and return when they've got their act together. I feel for you - best of luck.

Karen S
Baby do you have a freind you can go to when they fight? Maybe you need to think about yourself cause they are surely not thinking of you!! You need to stay out of the fights and let them blame you who cares! You are young and your parents are wrong for doing this in front of you. Find someone that you can talk to and get help for yourself. Talk to the school and explain to them what is happening and they can help you find a place to go to get away from them while they fight. You need to stand up to both of them and say enough is enough. You have rights too and your right to not listen to them is something that you need to exercise! I say find a freind to go to when they fight! Find a place you can go to when they fight! Close the door on their problems and live your life in peace

Yvette G
I know it sounds to good to be true right now, but you are never the cause of anyone's arguements. Children are used in the middle of these fights because the adults are not mature enough to except their responsabilities of what the arguement is realy about. I went through a similar situation when I was younger and my step father would beat us to piss my mother off, until children and youth stepped in and removed us from the home. If you ever have the chance and if you can find a way, talk to each one of your parents alone and express how you are feeling, if they are to wrapped up into themselves then find a relative that you can talk to to get you out of the home. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you should think of yourself. It is not your job to pertect your mother, it is her duty as a mother to pertect you. If it is any consulation, this is a form of domestic violence, and if it might help you to call the local hotline in your area to get some more insight in how you can avoid being a victim any longer. I hope all works out for you,you are a gift to them, and to the world around you.

jesus g
first of all kid take them to marriage counseling try to figure out the reson why they fight talk to your dad ask him or talk to your mother ask her why they fight but the most important thing you should do is ask them why your the blame ask them what did i do ? figure out the reason or the cause of the argument .

Oh my God sweetie, I can't believe parents would do this to a child. Please know this is not normal. Not all parents act like this. PLEASE PLEASE find another family member to go live with NOW. just tell your parents that when they get a divorce and want to be real parents then you will come back. I am a parent and yes, we do go through hard times and yes I am divorced, and that was a hard time for my kids, but believe it or not , after the divorce there father and I became best friends again. {been divorced since 1992} still best friends. But please tell your parents this is there problem and not yours . It just affects you. Please call a family member today and get yourself out of that house. They will not be normal parents again until they are divorced. This is always a hard thing to do, but it looks like the only way. Please know this should not be happening to you I am SO VERY SORRY for you having to live through this. Adults just sometimes don't see what they are doing to there children. I will prey for you. It looks like you will have to take a stand! Do something yourself. Be proactive. Be strong. This to will pass. God Bless, and good luck.

You need counciling. Call a hot line for troubled youths and talk to someone. They can help you get the help you need, and will help you through this ordeal. Walk away from your parents when they fight, if you have to, call the police and tell them you need some protection and a place to stay. It sounds like your parents care more about them selves and have forgotten they have a responsiblity to you. Is there some family member that would take you in for awhile until help can be arranged?

sara r
Tell them straight up, this is not my problem, go to a counselor for mediation.

Is there any adult who you trust? It may be a teacher, a school counselor, a friend of your parents, or a family member... Tell them whats going on, and tell them you are scared because it has become physical. You are right to be scared, and it is not right what is going on. Speak out to an adult who can help you, as soon as you can.

my parents fight too, but they're not divorced or anything.my mom and dad always fight in front of me at every little thing too. see ur counselor at school and tell her about ur feelings there. if u think it is a big problem, tell ur mom, (or dad either one) about how u feel about all of this. best wishes, good luck. :)

kill them both

Shame on your parents for putting you in the middle. It's not fair at all. Their constant fighting in front of you, doesn't offer you much of a secure homelife. They neeed to give therapy another chance, then if it doesn't work out, they should go their seperate ways. Hang in there & when a fight erupts, go to your room & shut the door or leave the house for a while. It's too bad you couldn't go stay with a family member for a while.

Jane Marple
I'm sorry to hear that....do you have grand parents or uncles/aunts close by. Don't get involved, when you hear the fighting starting just leave for a friends or your grand parents house. Your parents have a lot of growing up to do, I hope one day they will realize all the hurt they've done to you. Good luck.

kefilwe kashe m
call childline

Hey, I have a similar situation as yours. My parents fight almost every night. It's pretty much something you're going to have to deal with; they're family. It's probably best just to gain a better understanding of why they do what they do and develop a better skill of ignoring loud noises, haha. You're 15, two or three more years and you'll be off to college. Be sure to go somewhere far far away. I went to a college 400 miles away from home and it was fantastic. Had some great nights' sleep.

Calmly tell them that they are the adults and you are the child, and they have no business forcing you to referee their childish fights. Then lock yourself in your room or go to a friend's house until they calm down. If you have a trusted adult neighbor, relative, or maybe the parent of a friend that you can go to, DO IT.

just a girl
i feel so bad for you your parents are d1cks for putting you in the middle. i would just spend as much time at a friends or family members house as possible. if they start to fight, leave. maybe if you let your other family members know or your parents friends know, it will stop because of the shame and embarrassment that they should feel from it.

I went through the same thing when i was your age. It is very difficult. All you can do is hide in your room or go to a friends place when they fight. Dont get involved. You dont need to take on their problems. That isnt fair on you.

ask a priest for help ,personally,tell him your father beats you and your mother and invite him at your house to talk to him,and to her

Retreat is often the best policy. Go to your room, or go for a walk.

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