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My wife is a stay at home mom for our 2 year old. I work 60 hours a week. Should I have to do house work?
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My wife is a stay at home mom for our 2 year old. I work 60 hours a week. Should I have to do house work?

She gets mad because I don't change diapers or clean on a daily basis. I provide for the family and I feel I have done everything that I can. Most evenings I am too tired to do much but I do what I can. She says being a stay at home mom is the hardest job, but when I come home and she can tell me everything that was on tv that day I don't much believe it. Please tell me if I am crazy or if she is just lazy. Thanks.







me too
Rating
no=you work=
she ought to do ALL house work
and you
ALL outside work
that is the way of LIFE


bubletish
Rating
Hello mtk0510 !

Wow, you work 60 hrs a week, and your wife is a stay at home mom; it sounds like you're both running on empty. Both of you are very lucky that she's a stay at home mom; most of my friends had to head back to work after a few months, and hire a stranger to "care" for their child !

Well, you never said if your house was clean, or if dinner was prepared. If by chance you come home, and the house is a wreck, and no dinner's on the table, then perhaps there's a problem.. I understand that she's not a " Stepford wife " , but more often than not, you should be coming home to a clean home with a plate on the table. I'm old fashioned, or as some would call me fair; if a man is going to work 60 hrs a week, the house should be clean, and there should be something to eat !

Being a mom is a 24 hr, 7 day a week, 365 days a year job; I was a stay at home mom, and I'm currently unemployed..

You are working your butt off at a job 60 hrs a week, you don't get to spend enough time with your family, and when you do, you're exhausted, so it really doesn't qualify as quality time..

I understand how you, and your wife feels, but to be honest, and realistic, some thing's got to give; and in this case, I think it's both of you to a certain defree, OK ?

Personally, I don't think you should do any daily cleaning, that would be asking too much; but how about taking out the garbage on your way out, or changing your bundle of joy while she's sleeping? Those are small things, but they'll make a difference, and she'll notice that you're trying.

Is this your first child? It sounds like it is; you, and your wifes complaints aren't shocking; many first time parents have similar grievances. It all boils down to being taken for granted.

The truth is; being a stay at home mom, isn't very technical work, however, you're isolated from your friends, you can't do much, and you're at you bosses (baby's) beck and call. It's more emotionally draining tham anything, and it can sometimes lead to depression.

The truth is, many (most?) men don't see being a mother as work, plain and simple. When "hubby" (that's you) goes to work, at the end of the week you bring home the bacon ! There is proof that you worked ! Someone actually paid you to do it ! Meanwhile, "wifey"(your sweetie) has been home all day, and hasn't been able to do anything undisturbed, and on top of that, she has to play, feed, wash, rock to sleep , and change her boss( you baby).


Who's job is harder? Which is more demanding ? Is it both driving you crazy ? It sure does sounds like it.

Welcome to parenthood ! *smile*
It would be great if you guys could switch places for a few weeks; I'm quite sure that you both would discover a newfound appreciation for one anothers jobs.

You both are in dire need of a break, away from the baby !, it'll help, along with you two helping each other.

Love, light, and peace,
tishy


tsk
So you work 60 hrs/wk...how many hours /wk do you think she works?
Bet is 120....every waking hour. You are just a pompous lazy axx.Cry me a river.


Love to Love
Rating
You work 60 hours a week, but you are a father and a husband 168 hours a week. She works with comforts of tv and home hobbies but her job has more details than yours and it is for 168 hours per week.
She is tired when you come home just like you are. She never gets a break of doing the same thing day in and day out. And she will never get promoted or offered more than you can provide to reward her. What she is saying to you really is honey, I know you feel like you're carrying the family on your shoulders, please see that I am too and if you can help me just a little I will have more time to be with you and a little time to get my mind right so I can enjoy our free time and appreciate the time you're working so we can have a home.
You should change your annoyance to seeing that if you are capable of working as you do and taking an active role in your home you are what most women would consider a REAL MAN! A man of strength not just physical but of character, a man whose love and determination to shelter his family is stronger than his whims of "I don't want to(s)." A man who finds and enjoys the pride of knowing his family knows they are loved not just provided for.


free soul
U r a man and God has made u my b 100 times more strong than ur wife(both potentially and emotionally)Ur wife is not the only woman demading ur help n support in children upbringing but it is the most common reson behind the fights among husbands and wives. What husbands do nt realize is that wives do nt need ahell of time out of their routine but only by spending a few minutes helping the ladies out can make them much happier. Ur wife may not b in need of ur help in real sense but she might only b requiring a feeler of ur support in mentaining the household and children.Moreover when u ll start sparing some of ur time in helping her out,u ll realize that she will also become perticular in helping u out in ur work and other matters as well.I myself is a mother of a5 months old child and realize that child upbringing is a difficult job.Whenever my husband helps me out without my asking him to do so,I develop a new respect and love for him in my heart everytime(specially when I feel tired or unwell).I intern take care of his rest timings and fecilitate his job work.U need not to do the chores on daily basis but pacifying ur wife`s work thrice or twice a week may b suffficient.Best of luck to u!!!!


Htnspyc
you should be willing to change a few diapers. But as for House work no you SHOULD NOT a hard working man should not have to come home from work to do more work when he has a wife at home. being a mom is hard but she need to learn how to structure her day to maximize her time and stop watching so much TV. Your not crazy she is just lazy.


Colleen O
Rating
Try staying home and doing what your wife does ALL day. Yes being a stay at home mom is VERY difficult. SHE is the one providing ALL of the nurtring for YOUR child, she is the one who does YOUR laundry, She cooks for YOU. She cleans the house so that when YOU come home you can relax without having to trip over messes and junk. And to top it off she does this not FIVE days a week not just 60 hous a week but 24/7! YOU work for 60 hours a week, then you go home and are "dad" for whatever time is left. SHE is a mother SEVEN days a week TWENTY FOUR hours a day and on top of that she has the cooking and the cleaning to take care of. YOU have one job SHE has at the very least THREE that SHE does EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR. YOU get weekends off, YOU get holidays off...YOU get a vacation. If you ask me...YOU are the lazy one.


Ade
Rating
She's probably not lazy, but, I don't think you need to be doing housework. A deal's a deal, she does the house, you do the j-o-b. Sorry but thats how I feel. Now if you volunteer, even a little tiny bit once in a while, imagine the inroads you'd make.

Don't focus on the tv stuff - I have the tv going when I'm doing a million things.


ttiffers22
Rating
In the time you have been sitting writing this and awiting answers you coul dhave placed laundry in to wash or done a sink of dishes. Unless of course you are at work and then boy I wish I had your job


JustMyOpinion
Rating
You have no idea how tiring it is to take care of a toddler all day while trying to keep up your house. Do you have any idea how much ENERGY a toddler has???? I don't think that helping her when you get home is too much to ask. If nothing else, help give your child a bath at night. Put your dishes in the dishwasher after supper. I think one or two little things would make her happy. I stay home with my soon-to-be 2 year old (I run my own piano studio out of my home in the afternoons and am also a pianist at a church here) I can't tell you how grateful I am if my husband will just fold a basket of clothes or empty the dishwasher or just give our daughter a bath while I catch up on a few things like lesson plans or the choir's music for church. You both deserve some down time, but be willing to help her.


dragonlady
I am a stay at home mom-with 3 kids, the youngest is 14 months old.
I would never ask my husband to do housework-that's my job. It would be like him complaining to me about why I won't change that oil or fix that engine. (he's a mechanic)
That being said, I have not always been a housewife. I didn't quit working until I was 7 months pregnant with my youngest-and I'm still at home because we live in a small town where daycare is not an option. I love my kids more than anything, but there are days when I would give ANYTHING to be back at work, to be appreciated, to have adult conversation instead of having the barney theme song stuck in my head all day. Being just a mom is a payless and thankless job, and you don't get days off. Out of love, to make her feel better, give her a break, and help her sanity, you should willingly help out with the kids when you can. At the end of your day, you get to clock out and leave-she never gets to do that. That has nothing to do with being lazy, it's more about being stircrazy! It will make her a better wife and mom, and make your relationship alot better if she doesn't have to nag you into it.
As far as the housework-that's another story. If she watches tv all day, it's not like she's overrun with chores to do for you to have to pitch in. Stand your ground on that one man-if you pitch in with playing with the baby for 20 minutes for her to take a shower in peace, she probably won't be so upset about that anyway.


johnbenn_2000
Rating
Maybe you should stay home for two weeks and do her job and then you wouldn't complain. It sounds like your the lazy one. What would it hurt for you to do her dishes from dinner two or three times a week to help her out. If you love her you will ask her how you can help her.


eharrah1
If she just has the one child, she should be able to keep the house clean if she does not work outside the home. Diapers, yes, you should help. You should want to since it is your kid too.


Bert
Rating
You are providing by working....her job is to take care of the child and do house work.....God bless


Pandora
Rating
Shes lazy. Taking care of children is not as hard as it seems. I am a stay at home mom myself, and when my man comes home, dinner is halfway cooked, and ALL the household chores are done. Not only that, I try to wake up (it works most of the time!) to fix him breakfast and get the truck warmed. So you need to chat with this woman of yours and tell her to get off her lazy butt and do some d*mn housework! You bring home money, she keeps the home together, its only fair.


Jen
Well I am a stay at home mom and my husband works. I have a 2yr old boy and a soon to be 6mo old daughter and I feel how your wife feels and this is why. Yes we may watch tv but it is while we are vaccuuming, doing laundry, folding laudry, I listen to it while I clean and wash dishes and you know why? Cause I get bored out of my mind being stuck at home all day just cooking, cleaning and talking to a 2yr old. I love my children to death but it just drives me nuts. I am with them 24hrs a day 7 days a week.....and least my husband gets to get up, talk and socialize with adults and he gets to "LEAVE" his job, when I on the other hand work at my job and I am on call all day and I am not allowed to go anywhere on my own..........so if you don't want to break her down mentally and physically where it gets to the point that she is thinking that all you are good for is going to work and paying the bills........please at least change a diaper, help give the baby a bath and put him to bed and let her just lay there and breath for a minute. Being a parent is hard and it is harder on use cause we have the stress of knowing that our children depend on us and if we can count on you for any help, then we have the stress and the worry that if our child is hungry, thirsty, dirty, bored, scare, tired..........that we need to stop what we are doing to comfort them.......if all she does is cook and clean all day, then she is neglecting your child. At that age, he needs constant supervision and she needs to stop what she is doing to play with him....i hope one day you can see that and not have her resent you later on for it.


MerryKerry
Rating
I stay home with 3 kids (one in school) and I look at it this way. I am "on the job" 14 hours a day from the minute they wake up until the minute they go to bed. My husband is gone to work before they wake up and he gets to "shut down" at the end of the work day after 10 hours. I don't expect him to do much housework, I consider that mostly my job but when it comes to the evening and especially the kids, neither one of us should be able to "check out" until they're asleep. I will tell you that my husband gets "triple extra bonus points" for doing even the smallest thing like putting the dishes in the dishwasher after dinner.


wonderwoman
Rating
You are not crazy and she is not lazy. The problem is your wife is getting tired of cleaning after the child and everyone else on a regular basis. You should not have to do all the housework or the big portion of it. But I do think you should support your wife the best you know how and maybe show a little interest in what is going on in the home. Maybe the two of you should change positions - she works and you be the homemaker - just a suggestion. Maybe hire a maid once a week - that would help both of you.


Muslimah
Part of being a housewife is taking care of the house. She has time to watch TV, she has time to do the laundry. Taking care of a toddler is hard work, but so is being a provider. My friend has 3 kids under the age of 4 and her house is not perfect, but it is clean and presentable. Your wife just needs to learn how to budget her time better. Tell her to make out a schedule. Laundry is to be done on tuesday, thursday, and saturday. Dishes done after every meal. clean bathrooms every monday. and so on and so forth, Thats what I did to help myself out. Good luck.


lisa_pisa26
ok heres the thing, i understand what you are saying and how you work really hard. but at the same time, when you become a father or a mother..you have 2 jobs no matter what. and you have to watch the kids once in a while and change their diapers. i really do understand what you are saying and how she is home so why doesnt she get it done but really..you should take off of work one day and do your wifes job as a stay at home mom and see how you can get everything done. and not have her help you. just be a father. good luck with everything. <3 lisa

ps. she does seem a little lazy and how does she have time to watch tv when she is taking care of a 2 year old?!


KRIS
Rating
sounds like a combination of both. you are crazy and she is lazy.
you should both get off your behinds and take care of your home and your child.


Linda D
You may work 60 hours a week but the child is also your responsibility. Being a 'stay-at-home' mom is an extremely difficult job and unless you can be in her shoes for 1 week - you'll never know how difficult it truly is.
Working long hours do make a person tired but just take 15 minutes and help her with a few chores - she'll really appreciate it. She tells you about what was on TV because that's her only connection with the outside world (at an adult level). My daughter has her TV on all day ( she is a stay-at-home mom) - just for the noise. My mom lives with me and when I arrive home (from work) she is reading a book but the TV is on - she just wants the noise.


wingedladyk
Thirty years of marriage and going stronge with raising two kids I was stay at home. You can pitch in some, remember she is working too. So its something you both have to agree on.

work out a time where you can watch the baby on the weekend for a few hours or the day so she can rejuvinate.


?
Heck no! You should not have to do nothing but slip into the hot bubble bath that she has prepared and off to the dinner table where your hot meal is awaiting you! You need to communicate to your wife how you feel and offer her the option to get a regular job and put your child in storage during the day with people you don't know or to change and step up her work around the house. Does that make any sense?


me
She's lazy and I totally agree with you and don't think you should have to do ANY housework except maybe shovel snow or mow the lawn once in a while. I've been a stay at home mom and when I had one 2 year old who napped every afternoon this was the easiest job around. Make her a deal, on the weekends tell her to put in 2 full days equal to your workday (like 16 hours total) and you'll look after junior for the whole time.


reformedliberal1970
She's Lazy!!! I am in a similar situation, excpet my work week is more like 70hrs with traveling! Pretty soon, you are going to hear "There is just too much house work for me.... We NEED a maid service." "You want me to have enough time for the kids don't you???"

We switched for a week, while she took our oldest child to camp. I loved being at home with the kids. It is very demanding but very rewarding.


WINGS
Is your house clean for the most part? Being a stay at home mom is a hard job, especially if your cleaning up after a 2 year olds messes. I would say at the least changing a dipar wouldn't hurt you. It seems you work hard and bring in the money so you do deserve a bti of a rest when you get home however that doesn't exude you from parental duties your child needs you too, even if it is changing his/her dipar.


Royalhinney
Rating
The age old argument...which job is harder! Both of you contribute to your families well being, it's just in different ways. The only thing that I can say is that you get to come home and your day is over, hers isn't. Her hours are 24/7. I don't think it would hurt for you to help once in a while. And, changing your child's diaper is part of being a parent. I don't think that you should come home from work and clean and cook and do the laundry, but you can certainly give her a break every now and then.


Glo★
I don't think you should be doing the housework. Although, you changing a few diapers and spending some time with the children in the evening would probably be a very good idea. God bless****


physandchemteach
Rating
You should be willing to help out with the children, but not do housework. She has it so easy. All she does is have to clean and take care of kids. You have to go out and face the world each day. I had two small children and had to work full time. I had to do it all myself. If I had a husband who supported me I would feel it was my duty to let him rest when he got home.







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