Need advise please help........I don't know what to do!!!?

charlesjerrell	hey dont let someone use u because u did something u should not have done, and thats what it sounds like he wants to do, tell him ur sorry and if he doesnt want to work things out then there is no reason for you to stay

geet840	I really dont feel like he is using or at least means to be using you...it seems to me like you guys are just making excuses not to take any action and actually leave eachother!! And I think that maybe it is time for you guys to do something....make arrangements to seperate or agree to work it out....stop living in limbo just becasue it i sconvienant...it is not good fo rany of you!

bevofpierre	depending on where you live, you could get in to low income housing or sign up for housing assistance....atleast until you can get on your feet, then u can prolly move around away from it...as for daycare with your 4 year old, ask the dad if he'll watch her...it's the least he can do, but u need to get away from him if he's that lazy...make him get his own job & quit bein his back bone, all it does is cause stress on what you have left...

kylanusoftly	You didn't say if you want the marriage to work. If you do, then what a perfect opportunity to try to save your marriage. I say help him until he either gets on his feet, or (what will probally happen) you work out your problems. One thing though, don't try to shift the blame onto him for not going on your trip w/you. Your did it, not him. You had it in you to cheat. You better kiss some *** and try to win back his trust.

jc1129_us	"it wouldn't of happened if he had just gone with me" Are you saying that you'll **** anybody just because your husband isn't with you???? You didn't deserve to me married in the first place and you wasted 7 years of someone else's life. Shame on you!

rita	first, do you to still love each other, and do you think you can work things out? if so, then seek a marriage counselor. second, if you think it is over and you want to move on, one has to leave, ans since you are the one making the money, he wouldn't be able to afford the place anyway, ask him to move back home with his family. i can tell you that if you want to move on,him living there, it won't work in your favor. as far as you cheating, there evidently was something missing in your relationship that you felt the need to try to find somewhere else. i am not saying you were right, but in most cases you will see that there an underlying issues that have not been dealt with in the relationship. most of the time the woman feel that the man is not there for them, especially on an emotional level.

krazzeeass80	Okay first of all your question is to much information , you lost me somewhere between 3 states , I was crying, boss came to see you and ADDITIONAL COMMENTS. You both deserve each other, I hate CHEATERS too!!! Go choke yourself!!!

shawty	me and my hubby split for 2 years, i moved to tn, got preg by another man, and now me and my hubby are back together, he loves this little girl like its his own, put it in god's hands everything will work out!

B Z	That's a bit strange because you said that he is reliant on you, but then you say that you will have to go back to your moms to get back on your feet..? Anyway.. You are right, there is NEVER an excuse for cheating on your significant other.. especially if you have got a child with them. That's a sad situation, but it seems pretty obvious you do not love him anymore. Maybe stick then for a few weeks until he gets a job... It would be nice if you tried to work it out.. moreso for the childs sake.. but doesn't seem like that could happen.

enterrador	You created this mess, you fix it, we aren't marriage counselors. I hate cheaters.

purrlywhites	I think you should stay and help until he gets on he feet. That is the least you can do. I guess while in the process of doing that you could possibly try to work on fixing the marriage. Now I wouldn't sit around forever for him to get on his feet. You have to set up a timeline, give him 6 months. Also, yes you are EXTREMELY wrong for what you did. But if he doesn't want to forgive and continue on with the marriage, don't allow him to hold that over your head as a constant guilt trip. Like I say give him 6 months or whatever is best for you guys to get on his feet.

twogris	cheating on someone ruins the only chance you have. separate & move on, no matter how hard it is for you & him. I'm doing it right now.

LATASHA C	OKAY!!! You had the affair that is over forgive your self and once you have apologize to him and if he forgave you do not allow him to manipulate the situation-You are human you made a mistake-You do not owe him nothing because you have been taking care of him for 2years basically-I know you feel bad about what happened but that is not excuse for him to verbally attack you--If you stay shame on you because he will continue to make you feel awful-Remember forgiveness is a powerful key to survival

PrinceCharming	stay with him & try to cover the gap with him...i m telling for the sake of ur little daughter....maybe he also have some girl while u were away(who knows) .....

Sara W	What you did was horribly wrong. Even so, you shouldn't let him use you and put you in the guilt trip. You deserve it though. But he has no right to use you. Using you is almost as bad as you cheating on him.

Queenie	Have you considered how any of this - past, present or future will impact your "beautiful 4 yr old little girl"? She looks to you and her father as models for what and who she'll become. Pretend she's asking you this question 18 yrs from now. Neither you or your husband has a particular debt to each other - you're the grown ups. You both have a debt to her. Learn to stand on your own, perhaps with the temporary assist of your Mom, have hubby do the same and work on a relationship with each other that puts your daughter in the front position.

buckbuchanan99	i think your husband needs to get off his lazy aand take care of his wife and kid, you should'nt have to work to support his ayou need to take care care of your kid and stay at home (unless you like to work) so what you cheated, if he was taking care of business, you would'nt have to cheat. if i were you i would get rid of his sorry a**!!!!!. you deserve better..

frustration	What you did is inexcusable. If you want your marriage to work, go ask for APOLOGY APOLOGY APOLOGY. Help him as much as you can in his tough time. I'm sure things will fall in place in time. Good Luck!!! And don't ever put yourself in a situation like that.

narfrelssek	If he wanted you to stay because he loves and forgives you, fine, stay. It's not healthy for your little girl that mommy and daddy stay together because daddy needs a car.

volleyballchick (cowards block)	You cheated, and you are paying for it by your marriage ending. Don't let him make you feel guilty into supporting his lazy a**! If he wants the marriage to be over, then you move on. He needs to figure out his life on his own. You're not his mom, and you don't owe him that.

the ant !	Hey tainted, So sorry to hear what you are going through, I'm a guy but I think i understand what your going through. I can definately relate to it . But listen, i know you are guilty and you feel guilty, and thats not a great thing right now, but you are being really hard on yourself. Do you enjoy punishing your self ? It's not all your fault,( I mean if you are looking at the act that you committed then o.k. yeah that was your fault) but this is a marriage and it takes two to get tangled. If i was a marriage consellor and you guys came into my office and what you are saying if that was the whole truth,( i only say that because we haven't heard his side), then i would be looking at a number of things here to find a resolution,but in order to find a resolution to something, you must first get to the main sources or roots of the problems. What you did was an outwardly thing in an attempt to solve an inward feeling. The feeligs that you were trying to cover up, or needs you were trying to meet probably were because there was not enough affection and you weren't getting the attention that yo so deserve. Every man should know that a women is in her prime around your age and its a big responsibility to keep a women of your age satisfied. And with his level of irresponsibilty with the other things in his life, it really sounds like he was not doing his part as a husband to, So who should we blame more than the other. Well it's not about putting blame on him or you. But if you are making decisions out of guilt you will make the wrong ones, I guarentee it, and you have a daughter to nurture , so you mustn't make any irrational decisions right now. Try working it out first, go see a marriage consellor or get some other form of help, Ican see that he is still very immature and he has the responsibilities of being a husband and a father and its seems as though its a little overwhelming for him, and lets not forget that he tarnished the trust within the marriage first, you said that he cheated on you first, So its a lot of stuff to deal with.!

lefty	Unless the guy has some kind of a physical disability, he ought to be working full time. It sounds like he is playing you like a musical instrument. Any real men would contribute financially to his family. That's no excuse for you cheating on him, though. Your cheating gives him ammunition to continue to use you. (guilt trip) Make sure you don't have any more children with him.

SuzieQ	Sounds to me he wasn't much of a husband and you had to carry the load for all of you. While I don't condone cheating, it may not have happened if he had been a better husband. Dump him and move on with your life. Since he doesn't want to be responsible for his family why should you be responsible for him? You have a child to think about. Good Luck!

DeeDee	first off how is this affecting your daughter? i'm sure the tension, among other things, affects her a great deal. you both need to do what's best for her. him not having a job and not being able to hold one down once he gets one is his problem. sounds like you can and do provide for your daughter and if you have to live with your mother then that's what has to be done. if he does not want you there and you don't want to be there then you need to go. no there is no excuse for what you did at all, but you both were very young when ya'll got together and both needed to grow up a little more the problem may have been that ya'll grew apart instead of growing together.

chocolate_chips	when you said thats not an excuse...you shouldnt have even said it......I cant help you.

girlnextdoor2000in	What you did was horrible. If you love him, gulp your pride down, Beg and try to work it out. If you don't love him, leave. Don't let him use you.