Should I accept my husband's affair?

your_dear_old_mother	I don't think this is acceptable, but there are alternatives to a divorce, such as couples counseling.

kk12	I myself would not be able to accept that. He made a vow to you and he has broken it. He can still be a great father, if you ended up leaving him. How would he feel if it was you who was having an affair? If you accept it, that would be like telling him its ok to have a wife and a girlfriend on the side. Then he will continue to do it. I would just not be able to sleep with my man knowing that he was with someone else the night before. Or worse, he is thinking of her while he is with you. Good luck!

zzeetop	i dont think there is any right or wrong when it comes to relationships. Every relationship is unique. I think you should confront him and take it from there? There is usually a reason behind an affair.. once it is out in the open, it is up to you whether you can accept it. but if you do accept i think the hardest part will not be in forgiving him, but in forgiving yourself for giving him a second chance.. u will question yourself over and over, but you must be confident in your decision either way. I hope things work out for you. Goodluck.

evia_anne	You should try to talk to him and work things out. It seems like you have a great family and you're right, it would be hard for your daughters to grow up with divorced parents. I wish you the best of luck!

ladylady4470	Yes you are. You should talk with your husband and seek out marriage counseling. It isn't you who would be splitting up the family but, him and you never stay for the kids. You want your kids to grow up and, live with their spouse having an affair cause they learned from you it is ok if your spouse steps out on them.? How sad sorry......

i luv cookies!	im only 12 yrs old but here is an idea! try talking to him about it and trying to see if you can try to fix it

lmp07	He doesnt love youse if hes going to do this to youse... yell at him get mad at him threaten to leave him if he doesnt change his ways, you shouldn just sit back and take it... its totally wrong! i know your thinking of your children here but im sure if they were old enough to understand they would tell u to leave him, hes not a great husband and father if hes going to throw 12 years down the drain for some one at his work!

PINK QUEEN OF CONTROVERSY	I think that this comes from a woman with no self confidence or worth. It's obvious that your husband can't be as perfect as you paint him if he's having an affair. Did you really think that he was thinking of his children and his role as a husband when he was cheating on you? I think that you should by no means accept this and you need to pack his things and politely ask him to leave. I think that regardless of how long you have been with somone you cant sit at home and allow this to continue. I think that you need to realize that from wherever you found him you can find another there are many great men out there in the world probably looking for a wonderful woman such as yourself you just need to look for somone who can take care of you the way you should be taken care of. Dont accept this from your husband.!

LAL	I couldn't and wouldn't....but I'm not you.

Connie B	I'd be furious!!!!!! I wouldn't even think about accepting it, though it's entirely up to you. Who knows what he'd "pick up" from her, you don't know where she's been...figure if, say, she's been with 30 guys before your husband...same thing.,,what could they have given her. Unlikely (maybe!!!), but something to think about. I'd even have a hard time, say if he gave up the affair, if I'd even forgive him or not.

flash	Some people can recover after an affair and some can't. If you can live the rest of your life knowing you let him cheat on you and you did nothing about it, then I guess it's ok to stay. If he really loved you and the kids would he of cheated in the first place. Affairs affect the kids too, If I were you they would be the main part of my attention as they can't control what's going on. Whatever you decide it sounds like a little family thearapy is in order. Good luck

samcane	I'd make sure he knew you knew about the affair. If he loves you so much how come he sleeping with some one else? Shoot, I'd be strong enough to raise 2 kids on my own...maybe your not.

JD	you are not wrong for accepting this but over time, if you find you are holding it against him and having a hard time trusting him it will eat away at your relationship and ultimately impact your entire family. Talk to him about it, let him know that you know and that you want him to stop, remind him of your marriage and what that should mean to both of you. Don't let him get away with it entirely though because if he knows he can get away with it chances are he'll do it more often.

Fergy	You must be an awfully good person. Your husband however is terrible. I agree with the others that say you should confront him. He is mistreating you and the kids by what he is doing and he should stop. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Ask God to help. (smile)

rainy_dayz	No Hun, I dont think your wrong. I understand about wanting to keep the family together, I just hope he understands what he did wrong and understands how this hurts U, and it dosent go away over night. But Id be sure to let him know everyone is intitled to #1 MISTAKE!!! But if he does it again hes out because most of all this hurts the kids. Kids are smart and understand more than what we give them credit for...

Flower Girl	I don't for the life of me know why you would accept it. I realize you love him and he is a good father, but he is not a good husband. He may play the good husband but that is all it is, a game. You have been with him long enough to get half of everything he has, just mull that over for a while. There is no excuse for cheating, if you want someone else you should leave the one you are with first!

krinkn	Nope. It is your decision. You're not alone either. Many people make the same decision you are making. best of luck

fizixx	He's had an AFFAIR! A great husband? A great father? So....he's sneaking around...lying, and bringing all these thoughts and feelings home to you and his kids and also bringing them to bed with him too. You think that's being GREAT?! Uhhhhhhh.....no freaking way man.

Louisa	There's no right or wrong when it comes to accepting an affair. Your reasons are your reasons, and as you've stated, you have a 12 year marriage and 2 kids. However, I do highly encourage you to confront your husband about the affair. You shouldn't allow him to live a double life under your roof, because if he's not being honest about this, what else is he keeping from you or what else would he keep from you. I say, confront him, encourage him to come clean, have an honest adult conversation about your feelings, and honestly if your okay with it, then that's perfectly fine. At least you're not a victim. You've got your eyes wide open. And you've made a choice to stick with your marriage for your kids. Good Luck!

Lisa	He's not a great husband if he's having an affair. I wouldn't accept it.

dixie58	you are wrong but that is your choice.i would demand my husband end the affair and make every effort to restore the intimacy that is so lacking in yours.if you do not care to maybe your husband is just a paycheck and you don't want to work and support yourself and your kids,i do not know.only you know why your husband would cheat.have you cheated on him?don't be surprised if you are not willing to fight for your husband if he leaves you for his lover one day!good luck.

Roast Chicken	It seems that you are afraid of your family falling apart and you're sacrificing yourself for it. The problem with keeping quiet is that you will suffer alone inside, and slowly grow to hate your husband. To go through this for the rest of your life is a very torturing process. You can either shy away from the problem or face it by talking with your husband. The future is always unknown. Keeping quiet may not turn out to be good in the future as well. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide.

?	Tell him you know, and its time to stop. Your sleeping with all the other men that the other woman sleeps with..... you need to think of your health!

Dani	What? No and No. He is NOT a great husband and father! He's deceiving you and deceiving his children as well. He is making a mockery of his wedding vows. He comes to your bed with her scent still on him. And you are willing to be accepting of this?? Then why not just move her in, too. She can surely help with some of the chores, and she'll appreciate your understanding.

Lisa E	You can do what you want with it. If you feel okay accepting it...go ahead. Personally, I couldn't. It would be too hard for me to live with him and pretend everything was fine, while allowing him to think I was so stupid that he could do something like that, and I would never know. What happens when he 'breaks up' with this woman? Are you going to overlook the next affair he has? And the next? I'm not saying you should divorce. That decision is something you need to come to of your own accord, but if it were me...I'd take the kids to grandma's and confront him because obviously...you have a LOT to talk about.

Royalhinney	It comes down to whatever you can live with. Are you going to be able to look at him the same as you did before the affair? Are you able to still respect him? Are you going to be able to trust him every time he walks out the door? Since he doesn't know that you know, are you sure that the affair isn't still going on?

NOEL	Please tell me you will seek counseling! YOU DESERVE BETTER!

jt	Yes. Why allow him to have his cake and eat it too? Stick up for yourself. If he really loved you and your daughters, he wouldn't have started an affair in the first place. Don't make excuses for him. And don't let him run down your self esteem into thinking that you couldn't start over and live without him. What message does that send to your daughters? Would you want your daughter to stay in a marriage when her husband was taking advantage of her and cheating on her?