Should I stay or should I go?

tweettreat	you didnt where he is while your doing all this? i lived that life for 20 years i only know what went on in my life. so i cant say he is doing the same but mine was cheating on me but always say working and did it all for me lol.. im so much happier now single again and the kids are both in there 20's now and tell me i was crazy to stay for them that long. but only you can deside if its work staying. but talk to him tell how you feel and dont hold back. good luck

robgirl83	You only live once and if you are truly unhappy then what is the point of staying? What happens when you are on your death bed and you reflect on your life? Will you have any regrets? It's not like you can go back and do it over again. You should do some serious soul searching and figure out what would make you the happiest.

Whitehorse	I'm 49 Ive been married for 20 years.My wife takes care of me. I have a full time job and so does she.Love is a hard thin to hold onto. It would devastate me if one day she felt the way you do. Maybe an affair, maybe time away, something to try before you may make a mistake that you may not be able to fix.what ever you decide to do be honest if you really have fallen out of love and don't care about your family .Do what you feel in your heart. P.S. my wife is 6 years older than I and I have had the misfortune of having 2 strokes.I'm fully functional no disabilities and we have been through thick and thin,I will always stand by my wifes side and she will always control our assets and our home. Se gets my utmost respect an I love her dearly.We have no children. I'm pretty lucky, by the way we only new each other two weeks when we where married. good luck a friend

Nicki	He has never worked the whole 20yrs, is he disable or just a old lazy as*. A woman should not have to the support of the whole family , your doing good now , so do what you feel like doing , it he want work than you to cut him loose. He hasn't all this time , don't sat there until 40 still wondering what to do. Tell him the free loading is over and your getting a divorce , find somebody that really you really love, let them support you for awhile or least meet you halfway. It's time for you to enjoy life and be rid of a man that is really just using you , leave him he'll either go home to Mama are get his but out and get him a job,

for7949	Take a vacation by yourself and get rejuvenated. I know how you feel but you've got 20 years invested here. (It's like buying a house, you don't move because you don't like the type of grass in the yard anymore!) Make a change that'll make him seem more appealing. Bite your tongue and stay, you love him and that's all that matters so far. Being tired is okay because it's natural to start feeling this way after all this time. However, you may have to rethink this relationship after 20years. Did he always take you for granted? Did you always feel this way and just decided it NOW to leave? Perhaps you always felt this way but stayed for the kids. Now that they're grown, you can bolt. Starting over is hard, just to let you know, and after all those years. But the best part is that you had a full time job the whole time. It's harder getting back into the workforce if you didn't. SO, to answer you question, go on vacation by yourself and just think about you! Then, it'll come to you as to what you should do. Go to Nassau, it worked for me. I feel 100% better and I wasn't married for 20years.

roxanne	Have you talked to your husband about the way you feel? If you have and nothing has changed, then maybe it is time to leave. You really need to let him know how you feel and if nothing changes then your leaving.

dz_blond	You are going through a phase. I saw my parents go through it. You and your husband have shared both good times and bad. You have memories you can never share since they are your memories. No one said Marriage was easy. My parents just celebrated their 50th and then dad died. Mom stood by him till the end. Now she has something I'll never have..The chance to say I stood by my husband through the good and the bad for 50 years! Good luck!

good gesser	Like others here said counseling does help. One of the things they suggest is to think of what originally attracted the two of you together. Are those things still there? If they are and they are still important to you, then maybe you have a basis for a relationship after all. Do not bite your tongue though, try to talk about it and work on it if you can, good luck

Rebecca K	its defiantly worth trying to work it out. try seeing a marrage counselor. the best way to get your husband there is to get the councilors card and give it to your husband. tell him "I would like to go and see this counselor as a couple, i will leave it up to you to make an appointment for us that suits you." if he too wants try and make the relationship work better then he will make the appointment.

Thunder	It sounds there is a little more to this situation , maybe another man is involved.Maybe you need to go because if you stay you are going to end up doing wrong anyway.Don't do anything to hurt your husband in the end.

FREE4ALL8	Please Get help.. .if you belong to a church go to them or a marriage counsler...and not just one....make sure you go to several... Think about the shock to the kids....You can not imagine the hell you are about to put them through....consider the money....think about everything.... Everyday I wish I could go back and try again..... In the end no one but you make up your mind,,, just make sure you look at all the options....

getmymackon	It's your time to shine now honey. There is no point in staying in a marriage where you're not feeling the love or wanting to give it to him either. Don't bite your tongue it hurts and then it bleeds ;)

Lizzy	I know your tired but, try to talk with him or maybe you should seek professional counseling to help air out those frustrations. Don't bite your tongue. Communication is the key to working things through. Good Luck

Goldie~Locks	Well if you're that unhappy with him then yes move on. But if you think things could be worked out then try.

ismene	I understand what youre going through. But I think you should do either. Instead you need to go talk to your husband on sharing the responsibilities of the household. Suchas each of you raise a daughter / or he does the laundry / you do the cooking/ and dont forget going out on friday nights. I know it may seem childish, but life is made up of small things like that. And when you organize everything you will naturally have time to go out and rekindle your relationship again before its too late. give it a few months. If nothing improves, tell him why you feel like you need to leave. But try to save your marriage first.

mountainparadise	It sounds like you might do well with a little "time out" retreat I think if you knew the seriousness of a permanent break-up and how much you have to deal with emotionally etc: you would probably rather work it out I think in the long run you will be glad you did

woodbutcher21	I think you should talk to a proffessional about this. It would be a shame to throw away 20 years of marriage. You should be commended for you hard work and he should appreciate you and make you feel special. Tell him how you feel and that you want to make the right decisions. "For better or for worse" you made a commitment and stuck with it this long, you owe it to yourself and him to at least get an outside opinion first.

Desiderata	Have you talked to him? I think it is kind of normal to go through a period of discontent or boredom when you have been married that long. You need to come together and try to find things in common. Work at falling in love again. Don't throw 20 yrs away for no good reason. Chances are you are going to cause major upset and then down the road realize that you don't really want to leave your husband. Getting a divorce is not easy even when 2 people can't get a long, let alone divorcing for no good reason.

anne b	You and your husband should go for marriage counseling. I was ready to throw it away after 32 years and 3 kids. Counseling helped us. I feel that I am falling in love with him all over again. Don't forget that things can get in a rut after years of marriage. Don't bite your tongue, but do get into counseling to address any of your issues. Good luck.

onesensitivepoet	dont let the number of years keep u with somenone even though 20 years is a long time, dont let that be the reason why u stay listen to your heart, find out why u feeling this way, talk to him about it, see if there is anything you can do to grow the feelings back make sure you take time to think about it before making the decision, cause there is nothing worse than regretting leaving a 20 year relationship.

?	You love him but you're not in love with him. The fact that you love him is reason enough to stay. No one said marriage was going to be all romance all the time. Tell him how you feel. Leave the girls with a relative or trusted friend and go on a weekend honeymoon together. Maybe on your anniversary you can renew your vows or something.

annziemarie	Sounds like you settled down really young. I'm definitely not in the place to be giving advice... but if you're just not happy and don't think you can be with him it's probably better to leave.

neniaf	Have you talked to him about this? It sounds to me like you might have already bitten your tongue too much, and he may not even be aware of all that you are doing, let alone that this is making you resent him. To be fair to him, after 20 years, you can't assume that he can guess how you feel. You need to tell him.

CherryCheri	Love is a funny thing..You will fall in and out of love as you grow. You were married young so it makes it so much harder. You need to tell him how you feel first, go to marriage counseling...If he cannot respect your exhaustion after that then you may need to go. You never got to do it on your own..so you may be missing that. You never got to experience life alone as a adult...All of these issues need to be looked at. I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time, there is far little worse than that type of exhaustion.

contessaharridan	Well, see if he wants to go to marriage counseling. If he won't then go yourself. You can learn to cope with the situation, or get yourself together if you decide that leaving would be the best for you and your children. The fact that you still have some type of feelings for him, shows to me that all is not lost....yet.

ELVI	why dont you admit to him you dont love him and tell him you want a divorce. he deserves to be with someone that loves him.

bigoltx	maybe you or he should stay at a friends house for a while and take it day by day. Don't just jump ship yet... it sounds like you guys stopped dating and need to get back to why you even found each other, and re-light the spark.

CuriousMe	Did he work a full time job as well? It seems pretty sad to me to throw away something you've had for 20 years. You said he is a wonderful man. Do you know how lucky you are to have a man who doesn't hit you or have an addiction? I suggest some counseling for the two of you before you throw this away. You owe him and yourself at least that much.

maraloves	talk to you husband try to work things out if that don't work move on life is to short

Jai	Well if you have been doing it all alone you can continue to do it by yourself. It's time for you to be happy!