Should i stay or should i go on?

Andra J	If your wife is leaving emails so that they are accessible to you, she is trying to tell you something. Leave.

Melissa S	Staying together for the kids is never the right answer. Kids are just small people and if you are miserable they pick up on that and then they won't be happy either. Trust is a main ingredient in a good marriage. If it's gone it's definitely time to look for a new recipe.

person_of_size	smoke

Ontheotherhand	No, it isn't. A marriage that isn't a marriage is nothing. Give up.

eric_the_red_101	NEVER stay together "For the Kids". Kids are not dumb and they will have the dynamic figured out quick. You do yourself and the kids a disservice by staying... by denying both of you a stable loving relationship. Really you need to go... Check out my website: http://www.UtahParentsUnderSiege.com/ I have good info on protecting yourself in a divorce. Email me any questions you might have I will try to help. Good Luck.

rockin	There's always two sides to a story. None of us can tell you what to do with this one paragraph you posted about your relationship. You and your wife need to talk to a counselor together.

lost man	you have the answer. what do you want? you tried to work things out, and you can't let go the past. either you trust what she told you or just leave that alone. so what if she were to tell you a year ago? can you accept? what is the difference now? ya, you still can't accept, right? so why bother on the timing of you knowing all the past? question is she also put in effort working hard as you to save this relationship. you know the answer. stop thinking, just follow your heart!

aKaNe_20	If your only reason for staying together is for your children, than that is really not a good one. Staying in a bad situation is not sending the right message to children and that is really unfair for them. Children absorb a lot more by watching how their parents handle different situations. Staying in a loveless or disfunctional relationship will do more harm to them than you'll ever know. You deserve to give yourself a chance to be truely happy.

jennie	I am in the same situation as you I am seperated thought because he does not want to grow up. My husband cheated and sent emails online and what not. I told him that unless he was going to come clean about EVERYTHING I would have no trust for him. He told me everything and we tried again and he ended up doing it again. Well awhile went by and he went to Iraq and came back on leave and said he wanted this to work he thought about it all that crap so we talked again and agreed to try for our family well that didn't work cause he went with his ex again because he rather party then grow up. Anyways the point I am getting to is that you both have to talk and come clean with everything (in this situation her) tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels and if you think you can make this work. Talk to a councler if you have to. But one thing you should never do is stay with someone because of a child. Unless you love one another and are happy. If you are unsure take time apart and see how you feel and if you decide that you are happy away from one another then divorce and share custody. But it is not good for a child for you guys to be unhappy and stay with one another just because of a child. You wont just start trusting her again it will take a longtime and you get trust little by little back. It took me two and a half years to get half my trust back for him and then he did what he did again. I am not saying she will do it again because everyone is differ but there is a reason she did it to start with and you need to ask her why and what she wants to make this work. Good Luck.

OC	More than enough. You know, you should take at least some part of the blame as to what had happened. You are making it look like everyhting is her fault only.

atiana	I'm really sorry about what your wife did to you. but staying for the sake of the children is never a good idea. your wife should never have cheated on you, but she did, and now you know that you'll never be able to trust her again. so what you're really saying is that the marriage is over. do not stay with her for the children. trust me, they will be much better off if you have your own place and your wife has hers. if you stay, it will only lead to tense situations between the two of you which will end up leading to fights. and whether it's in front of the children or not, kids can tell when something's wrong. and they start blaming themselves when it's not their fault. you also need to consider yourself. you deserve the chance to have a happy life with a woman who'll love and respect you enough not to cheat. your wife's actions destroyed your marriage, but you don't have to let it destroy your life or the lives of your children. Best Wishes to you and your kids.

Shandlan	I wouldnt do it for the kids bc you may miss 'the one.' Im sorry for what has happened to you bc nobody deserves that. I think that if you decide to stay you need to forgive her first. Anything that you find out after you found out I would question and probably leave. Shes probably being honest so until you find out otherwise stay..hope I helped.

ABBYsMom	No trust, no relationship...Maybe its time to start thinking about yourself and find someone who would be true to you...You'll never get what she has done out of your head...

Tigerlady	its hard to answer when things are supposedly in the past.. you could get counseling and see if things may work out. .. see what the reaction is from her to suggest it..... you found the emails from a year ago would make my red flags go up .. because why is she saving emails from so long ago when she says there is no contact ???? . why would she need those emails ? and were they saved separately or are there just gobs of emails for a year ago up to now that she just never deletes... i don't know how to give a really good answer .. as more information about everythng is needed.. and again .. counseling and getting things out in the open may be a start to get things back on track .... but thats a maybe ... i lost trust with my first husband ..and my 7 year marriage could not be put back together... i divorced and remarried... i took with me my two kids from my first marriage.. and have been married now for for 28 years... Hope this helps somewhat ..

Dongfeng!!!!!!!!!!!!!!	WHEN THE TRUST ISSUE IS GONE AND YOU WANT TO LIVE IN FEAR ONE OF THESE DAY SHE DECIDES THAT SHE COMPLETE DONE WITH YOU AND LEAVE BEHIND ALL THE SADNESS AND A BROKEN HEARTED THEN STAY. YOUR LIFE WILL BE EMPTIED BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GET USE TO BE ALONE. I AM NOT SAYING THAT YO SHOULD DIVORCE YOUR LOVE BUT LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. QLKM!!!!!!!!!!!!

char the brat	I would not stay for the kids sake. Kids are no better in a situation where there is unhappiness. I'm not telling you to get divorced either. You need to search your soul and ask yourself if you still love this woman. Have you considered couples counseling. If there were bad times in your marriage that caused her to stray, maybe those things should be addressed. You want to rebuild the trust.....but it's up to her to earn it if that's what she wants. Also, there are always ups and downs in marriage and I think you should help her find ways to handle those bad times besides looking for comfort in another's arms. That is where the therapy would come in. She obviously has a hard time dealing with the times that aren't so good. I went to therapy by myself because my spouse refused to go. I thought I no longer loved my husband. The therapist asked me how I would feel if he came to the door with 2 dozen roses and asked me to come outside and look in the air. Flying overhead is a plane with a streamer saying ".......I love you." If he did all of this, do you still think you don't love him any more? she asked. Wow. I had goosebumps and knew I still loved him. I just really needed his attn. and this is what I want you to think about. Is there something your wife could do that would make you think you still love her? Good luck.

ahn	Relax, take deep breath in and breathe out slowly, okay calmer, if it is true and the emails are from a year ago then your right, your problem is only going to be fixed by building trust. Start small and build your trust back with yourself to make the best decisions for yourself then the rest will fall in order. good luck

Switch	OMG...no way~! Everytime she mentions anything about her old job or something reminds you about the past you will automatically remember she cheated on you. Its not a maybe! Its a fact and she confessed to you. You need to get a divorce.

RPS	First of all, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Its tough to love someone and to be cheated on. I know, its happened to me. But there were no kids involved. Kids kind of make it really hard on what to do. Alot has to do with how she answered your question bout the emails. If she got angry or felt bad, or whatever. It is really hard to even try to trust someone that took advantage of it once before. Its like letting your gard down. If you really feel deeply in your heart that she is lying to you and still is messing around on you, then you know what you need to do. The only thing to save a marriage and to keep a family together would be God and counseling. I wish you the BEST of LUCK! God Bless!

Jack 7	I think you guys should sit down and talk like adults ..

danny three balls	no one can answer a personal question like you asked everyones different i was foolish enough to cheat on my wife 2 years after marriage we have now been together 23 years but when we have disagreements she brings it up every time so remember its never go,s away good luck

Jennifer C	If you're sure the e-mails are from a year ago when she confessed and you still decided to work it out, I don't see that anything has changed. However, it's obvious the betrayal still weighs heavily on your mind. Since you're not sure if you should stay or go, I would say you should stay...for now. I would insist on marital counseling. If she won't agree or is uncooperative in counseling, I don't think there is much of a chance of repairing the damage. I can't answer if staying together for the kids is enough. That's too big for anyone to answer but you two.

tommy	If you feel that you love her, Then stay with her. You must not trust her right now and that is what love is all about. If its worth the money then why not. Im a kid, 16 years old. I have some friends whose parents are divorced. They just live a diffrent life. Its not good. In my words try to keep the relationship going. If it doesn't work out don't kill yourself just move on and divorce her.

ANewLife	No, staying together for the kids is never enough. Eventually your kids will be old enough to know whats going on and feel the tension between you and their cheating mother. ~~ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER~~

uuummk	You guys need counseling

PikC	If she's really working on rebuilding the marriage now - give her the chance to make it work. Time (say another year) will tell. If you both want to go on with this relationship, both of you have to work on it equally.

CLVSJ	hit the road,you can always visit the kids on the weekends.

*star chick*	If the trust is destroyed and you truely can not stay with her, than you already know what to do. No one on here can tell you what to do. You have a gut feeling and you need to follow it. Do not involve the kids when deciding whether or not to stay together. They might be kids, but they are not blind and are very receptive to adult actions. They will know something is wrong and may act out. Do what is best for you. Good luck.

You ask, I answer	once a cheater, always a cheater. you took her back. of course she's going to do it again.

chockfullagoo	Please seek marital counseling and not ask for advice from an open forum.