Should you stay with your spouse after finding out he had an affair?

brwneyedgrl	In some ways he's right, the hard part isnt forgiving, the hard part is forgetting.. If your willing to stay with him and make this work, then yes u need to bury this all way down deep inside of you.. and neither of u to ever mention it again.. it will do ur marriage no good if u use it against him in every arguement from now untill eternity and he will get sick of it being held over his head when u said u wanted to forgive him and make this marriage work to the point of if he's trying his hardest to be the man u want him to be, when he screws up on trivial things and u bring up what a cheater he is.. he'll eventually leave.. because no one wants to be ridculed over and over and over again.. so u have a choice, u can forgive and forget (which we know u'll never forget but u have to bury it) or u realize u cant do this cause its shattered u to much and u give up on ur husband and go.. but limbo isnt going to make ur marriage survive much longer either.. so its up to u, do u love him enough to do whatever it takes to make it work, or do although u love him know urself that u will never be able to stop thinking of the past and move forward..

vvvlambert	This same thing happened to me. My husband was in Iraq and I was here with our two kids. He met a woman who works for the same company he did. He took her to Italy at Christmas last year and then in March they met up in Dubai. He came home in July for a visit and wanted to reconcile. I had already filed for the divorce two weeks before he got here. I cancelled the divorce and we are going to try and work it out. He feels the same way your husband does. He wants me to just forget that anything ever happened and that I didn't go through a year of hell. But he is what I want. My family being together is what I want. And so that is something that you will have to decide. I have learned that I can choose to live in bitterness and anger or I can live in joy and happiness. Of course being said that is much easier said than done. But I am now striving everyday to win. I am not going to let some floosy homewrecker ruin my dream and my kids lives. I have read this book over and over and it has helped me. It is called Created to be His Help Meet. You can get it on line at createdtobehishelpmeet.com. It has lots of stories, even ones where there was an affair. This book has saved my life! You have to remeber that your husband is only human and people DO make mistakes even ones that could hurt someone else. So I would only ask of you to think about what you truely want. Good luck and God bless! ps I am going to pick up my husband from the airport tomorrow and he will be home for good this time!

foroldtimessake	NO WAY!! If nothing else, the mental abuse is bad enough...my almost ex did that to me for 19 years, i am finally gettin away from it, and NOW i can see that he was tryin to make me look crazy so that he could do what he wanted...dont let him do that to you, youll be so much better off without that...and dont let him tell you you NEED him...not true

arielle	mental abuse is not healthy. I would leave him and I would also report the affair lady to her church so she can be removed....

Neutro	well, he only confessed cause u did some research..doens't sound too truthful

thinktinkgal	heck no gurl if he hurt you in any way that should be a sign that you need to move on and you need to tell sommeone involved with the police that he abused you!!!! and because he cheated on you with a churchie thats pretty sad and you know you should embarres her for what she did gurl you need to comfront her were the whole world can see!!! p.s. DUMP HIM,or DIVORCE

Carlyn	How can he expect you to pretend it never happened?? You have some soul searching to do....if he loves you and only you, why did he treat you bad for 7 months while he ws doing someone else?? Thats not love. He sounds screwed up to me. I think you deserve better!! You have to live for you.....not for him. Good luck.

jway4581	If you love him you would stay.If he is sorry for his error. are you could move on. But ask your self why?did he do it for kicks or that you kick. talk about what is going on with you and him.You will know if it hip or not. But most of all do you love your self.

Cattlemanbob	You will never trust him He will always lie and try to convince you that it is your fault and that he is a victim. He will abuse you and manipulate you at every turn. The counciling was just another challenge for him to mold you and to make you do what he wanted you to do. He does not respect you and he never will. You are an object to him, and he will always see you as just another damn thing in the way of him getting what he wants. Not all men who cheat are this way, but from what I can tell he just may be.

Diane	NO you should not, as if he does this once he will do it again if given the chance. If you love him only you can forgive him, but NEVER forget, you can FORGIVE just dont forget, you should talk to the church and to the lady herself, I am most sorry that this happened to you, no one should be hurt this way

bigmomma s	will depends on if its the first and what the reason was.and if he never did it agagin,look women has told me so many times that my husband has done thing behind my and and when i went ask him he said that it was lies.which i trust him and love him and we have been marryed for 16 years now.good luck.

circusdejojo	I am so sorry that happend to you, but please tell the church..show your proof. People need to trust marriage counselors and church members. If he is truely sorry he would let the Elders of the church no. Please, this will help out others. If he mentally abused you, he is probably doing it to others. If you have children, stay till they are 18 unless abuse comes back. Make it look like your friend or something told on him, and act like he is crazy if he blames you on telling the church. good luck and remember the 70's song...I WIlLL Survive.

starinajelwery	the same thing has happened to me u get really mad at him go off your head and make him come grovelling and crying back to you. then make him wait and wait and then decide if u want him back u can get away with alot at that stage he will buy u any thing do any thing for u until u get back togther then u have to learn to trust him again and most importantly make sure u are in love with him not just love him are inlove theres a diffrence . And get a Huge appolgy and promise hel never do it again .

Diamond in the Rough	How can you pretend a event, that involved you never happened ? and then mentally abuse you about it....the issues lye with him, he has some issues that he needs to work through. If relationships are harmful you should protect yourself in a way you deem necessary.

ssmindia	Its a very sad situation and only time and your mind can help you because nobody else decide better than you.

Froggie	No, because he abused you, blamed you and will do it again. perhaps it's time to see a divorce lawyer. I'm sorry for you, but he cannot love you and have an affair and blame it on you. Find another man that will love and respect you.

The Chesire Cat	Wow..only you can decide what to do with your husband.. But.. as for this woman, you need to expose her as the fraud she is especially since she is practicing as a marriage counselor at a church... Do you want her giving hiprocritical advice to other couples in trouble. I could imagine her causing harm to other unsuspecting couples...

skydivemommy	Do you have minor children? If so, then you have to consider staying in the marriage for their sake. But only if he is no longer abusive towards you, because that will do more harm than good. If you don't have children, I would recommend getting out of this marriage. It doesn't sound like he is truly apologetic about having the affair, only about getting caught. If it were me, I would contact her husband and tell him about his cheating spouse. He ought to know what kind of woman she is. Best of luck!

Wendy	it's up to you , but if it was me with the emotional abuse i would have said bye bye. He will probably do it again seeing that he was caught out and didn't want to confess

mizzzzthang	Affairs are never good, and the answer your hubby gave you is an easy way out for him........It's truly up to you, but remember that a mental abuser doesn't just change because they want to, it's inbred in them and they have to work at it through psychological help to rid themselves of this behavior......If I were you I would tell him to get the help that he needs, then after he has completed his sessions you will think about it.....You deserve more than that for yourself, girlfriend........Take care.......

Dr who	Boot him out he does not deserve you any longer,move on and find you a man that cares for you,This man no loner love you are he wouldn't have cheated on you.What gos around comes around and he will get his in time.

Apple Blossom	Ok he cheated on you, lied to you, abused you some more...and you want to know if you should leave him or stay with him? Well depends on if you value life in the least. Do you? Do you want to be happy? Don't waste time, it's so precious. Just re read your question pretend it was your sister/friend/daughter/whoever asking it to you...what would you tell them? Take care of yourself...noone else will.

Ã¢?Â¥ Pawya!	You should stay with your husband if he is a good man and he treats you good. You should forget about that women because you should focus on your husband and make sure his needs are taken care of and make sure that women does not end up with you husband.

sweet ivy lyn	Once a cheater, an abuser, a control freak always a.....dump his butt and find someone who is caring, sensitive, intelligent and trustworthy!

J Somethingorother	Only you can choose what you will do. You must take time to search within yourself. Either you are able to totally forgive him or you are not. If you are not...it's going to take strength, conviction and patience to file for divorce and move on.

latina	dump him, move away and get on with ur life

yogesh	ya sure i dont mind at all.