So I'm sitting at my desk crying my eyes out, can you guys help me please?

jenn	don't feel guilty for doing the right thing for your child. sounds like you have a great husband. I think your doing the right thing.

Joe	Do you actually need to do the adpotion now? Nothing anyone does is going to change the fact of who the father is. I would hold off on the adpotion process until everyone (including the real father) agrees on what is best for the baby. He had a terrible reaction to you having the baby, he is a scumbag for doing what he did to you and I'm glad you had the baby, made it through yourself and found a great man. But you need to make sure your child knows you did everything you could do to make sure the relationship with his father is strong and it doesn't sound like the adoption is the right move for that. At least right now.... Give your Ex time, everyone is differnet, the adpotion may make him wash he hands of his own child, children can deeply love even the most flawed parent.... and those children sometimes resuce parents.....make sure what you're doing is best for your child long term.

Missy Me	It's called having a heart for the underdog. Listen honey... do you. That man loves you and your child. Think about all you went through to give life to that baby. I had a rough pregnancy, so I can only imagine what you endured... ENDURED. God brought you out that you may live this moment right now. Embrace your new beginning and allow old things to pass away. If your ex-husband loved you, he would have honored those vows you both said before God and family. One thing you can never do is live your life looking back. Press forward. If thoughts of the past come up, shack your head and then say "Thank You God for Where You Brough Me From". Look at a picture of your new, improved, and blessed family - Family - and smile. Don't let his guilt eat at you. Give it right back to him. He made his choice. Pray that God helps him accept the choice he made.

markeen	hey, having a baby is a traumatic event for anyone especially those who are not ready to have them yet. I know you feel hurt that he bailed and hasnt made an attemtp to see the kid much but you already found a potential partner who can offer that baby the love, paternity and stability it needs..so why feel bad when you are doing your number one priority what it needs. let the biological dad come around on his terms..he may still be flipping out with confusion and guilt....some people can handle it, some cant...dont judge and do whats best for the baby.

Amethyst	Move on with your life. You are obviously blessed to have a supportive, loving husband who has taken on the responsibility of your child and stood by your side during a difficult moment in your life. You are more resilient than you realize..actually you are very strong. You battled cancer and overcame it , give yourself more credit. If you got past such a hard and devastating moment like cancer then you can certainly overcome this. Proceed with the adoption. As for biological Dad he can still be there if he chooses for the baby you already have a partner. Love your husband and don't dwell on the past. Your son can have a relationship with him.

Here's your change	Sounds like he did you a favor by walking away. Especially if he played head games, smoked weed, and was an alcoholic. Trust me, you are better off without that type in you and your child's life. Maybe you feel sad because he never gave you or the baby a chance to win over his heart. But he was a grown man with 3 other kids and a problem with addiction. He made his choice long ago. So dry your eyes. You have nothing to lose but to let go of the past and be happy with your life the way it is now.

Lola N	you need to quit feeling guilty for your ex. he didn't want the baby in the first place why not let a real man who does adopt the baby. your baby deserves to have a good role model in his life. dosen't matter if that person is not biological or not. any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy.

moma J	You have nothing to feel bad about he has clearly made his choices you still have to live your life ...sounds like you have found happiness and moved on so don't worry about him it is clear that he is not worrying about you or your child..you have to do what is right for your child

Melissa M	I think maybe you truly wanted and hoped things would work out between the two of you. You probably still have deep feelings for him which will ease up more and more with time but you gotta move on and try to not look back as much. If the ex is as careless as you say he is towards the child and your new husband adores him/her it may be in the best interest of the child to have new husband adopt him/her. Its okay to explain to the child when he/she gets older that he/she has two dads that love him/her very much. Sometimes things just don't work out even though we're hoping and working towards making the best of it and we have to move on with our lives. People come into your life for different reasons, seasons, and only a few last a lifetime. I hope you get over your hurt sooner than. Good luck! I've been there and I can relate to how you feel. :)

Vitiran	Who are you thinking of -- the ex or your baby? It's amazing how much we want people to step up to their responsibilities when they don't want to. Fact is .. some people were just meant NOT to be involved. Look forward to having your child be with a loving, involved man which will do wonders for your child. Look back only to learn, not to determine how things are going to be. Good luck.

Let's Find Peace	Just be happy with the guy you're married to now. You didn't so anything wrong. You're probably a very good person and your ex is realizing that he's the idiot. Don't feel bad. Don't go back to your ex--it's obvious that he still has issues!

Zhara	Do what is right for you and the baby? If he does not go against the adoption, then your ex wanted to happen. Be glad that you have a man willing to adopt your child and be a father to him.

deborah g	Nothing is wrong with you, sweetie. This is an extremely emotional experience and you are hurting. He is also trying to make you feel bad and guilty when HE is the one who should be feeling those things. Keep your head up and continue to adoption process. You are doing a wonderful thing for you and your baby.

~leaving traces~	YOU have a heart, but don't let your heart fool you, Girl. This baby is better off with a father that CARES and can stay out of jail long enough to give him what he needs. You cannot take on the responsibility of someone else's behavior. He did not want this child to start with, and doesn't NOW, becasue if he DID, he'd be paying his child support and being a father.

Jackie Blue	Good Lord woman, forget that bio father. The real father will be your present husband. You may have to check your local/state laws. If the pothead is listed as the baby's father, he may have to waive his rights as the bio father. You forget that guy, and be happy with this man now, and be thankful that he came into you and your child's life. Do not feel guilty, when what you are doing will be the best thing for you child. Wipe those tears now, and call your husband and tell him how much he means to you, and how thankful you are that he is in your and your child's life.

bigbuck	There isn't enough time to find the answer to that here. In brief, though, ask yourself why. Only you know the answer. Good luck, and congratulations on marrying your best friend. :)

momrfg2003	We women feel guilty very easily - nothing is wrong with you. Proceed with the adoption and the feelings will pass. I am so happy things are starting to get better; you sound like you've been through too much in your life already.

Brutally Honest	I can't give you any great insights, except to advise that perhaps you might benefit from some counseling. There's SOMETHING going on inside your head, and the sooner you can sort it all out the happier ALL of you will be.

MJV	Women put guilt on ourselves when we really shouldn't. Girl, you've been through the FIRE and this man did not help you in any way, shape or form. You deserve to be happy! Do what you have to do and go on with your life with your husband and that baby. The guy whose been with you through this may not be the biological father, but he's been that baby's father and deserves to have legal custody of that child! If you need therapy because you've been through a lot, get some therapy. I think that may be why you're feeling guilt, but you don't owe your ex any form of loyalty. He doesn't deserve it!

JAELIN20	Maybe you are just wishing for the way it should be, Bio-dad seeing and taking care of his child. But on the up side, you have this wonderful man who WANTS to be this child's father.

Islander	Why push for the adoption? I mean your husband can a father to your kid without the legal change? His bio father would have to relinquish all parental rights. That might not be something you want to do to your child. He may want to know his biological father someday.

ivanjercenov	Do not worry about the biological...you have a great guy who wants to be a Dad...

The Naughty Librarian	You're doing the right thing.

Dragynmyst	It doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with you, just that your ex isn't fit. If your new man is willing to adopt your child and the ex will sign off on it then you and your family will be much better off. At least your husband has shown an interest in the child and a willingness to raise him as his own, which is more than it's biological father has done.

True	You feel horrible and sad because you, unlike your ex, are a compassionate and loving person that takes other peopleâ€™s feelings into consideration. You are a good mother making a hard decision for the sake of giving your child a better life. Donâ€™t ever feel guilty about that.

Shadow	First thing to do is stop crying and do what's best for the baby. I know for a fact that crying is not helping your child. At all.

~â™¥Truckers Wifeâ™¥~	Dont feel bad...you have done the right thing..... think how your husband feels now..... be there for him.. as he was there for you. the other guy i would just write off!