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This is the first time my husband hits me, what do I DO?
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This is the first time my husband hits me, what do I DO?

My husband and I were arguing, he kept telling me to leave him alone and i kept at him. He finally reached his breaking and slapped me many times in the face. My face looked liked I was in a car accident. I am afraid to be near anyone I know because I don't want anyone to know, but I am a teacher and I can't just not go to work especially during my first year. We have been together for 9 years and married for 2 months. He says he is sorry and it will never happen again but I don't know what to do. We are both college educated and have always prided ourselves in being a great couple, we were always seeked for advice in relationship issues. NOw I feel like everything was a lie. I am truly humiliated and the thing is I do love him but it is not the same. I think I just need some adivice, I am truly lost right now.







Girly1
Rating
I stayed in an abusive marriage for 4 years, I never told anyone what was going on. One day he beat me so bad that I thought he was going to kill me, I got away from him and went to my parents. I told them what was going on and they helped me get away from him. My advice to you is if you love him and you would like to make your marriage work, go see a marriage counselor or maybe a minister. You are a teacher see a guidence counselor at your school. Do you truely believe he won't do it again? Tell him if he doesn't go to counseling with you that its over. If you believe that it will happen again or that the marriage is over then try to move on with your life. No one deserves to be hit, no matter what they do. I will tell you this my ex always promised it would never happen again but it always did. Good luck to you and if you need a friend feel free to email.


FLA*sun*
Leave him. Sounds easier said than done, but if he was capable of doing it once, then he is capable of doing it again, and maybe even worse. I'm sorry to hear that this has happened, but i really think its in your best interest to leave especially if you feel that your love has changed not for the better. i just dont believe a husband, boyfriend, whoever, can look at someone they love and hurt him/her intentionally. it wasnt an accident, he did it on purpose. i couldnt possibly live with someone i didnt trust. i hope everything works out for the best for you.


*never give up*
they always say they are sorry and that it wont happen again. a real man wouldve left. sorry... he might not do it again, but odds are against you on this one. counseling is my suggestion, or pack up and leave


like-it
Take it from someone who was married to that kind of man. He was such a charmer, I stayed married for 12 years (mainly also because of our daughter). Of course your feelings for him will change dramatically and the violent temper will only KILL your love/whatever good feelings you have for him. He will not change, he will do it agian and even if he begged and pleaded for you with tears running down his face, you can bet your sweet **** he will do it again and again and again. this happened to me and most probably many other women out there in the world. Get out! There is help out there for women going through this difficult patch, I went to Women's Refuge and they had done so much to get me back on my feet again. He is not going to change, only you can change it. You're in charge in this, 200%. Stop hiding, and pretending. Who are you kidding here?!!! If you wish, you could email me.


stacy_branch
There was a guy i went to HS with. We dated our 1st and 2nd yr of HS. After we graduated we got serious and moved in together. Our relationship lasted for 7 yrs. Into our 2nd yr he hit me which evolved into us constantly fighting each other. After a year i got fed up with the fighting, not being able to turn my back on him without knowing if he would run up behind me. He never left a mark on me (no family or friends knew what was going on) but i was choked, slapped, and once had a gun put to my head. I was tired and I simply told him I can't be with you and fight you. If we can't be together and not fight I'm leaving. From that day we never put our hands on eachother again and we stayed together for another 4 yr without another fight.

I say that to say i don't believe that with every case of domestic violence if a man hits you and you don't leave he will continue to beat up on you. If you both want your marriage to work then you need counseling. If you fear for you safety then you need to involve the police.


meme
Rating
Baby I know how you feel I been though the same thang!! But what happens when you do take him back the slappings are going to get worst believe me I know!! Me and my boyfriend been together for 10 years. He started pushing me down and then he started slapping, and beating me and I got tired of it!! I knew someone was going to get hurt and I didn't want that to happen. He cried and told me he was sorry and I took him back like a fool ,because I loved him and we been together for awhile. A year later we got into another fight and he broke my jaw and broke my arm in three different places!! I got out the hospital and I left him along completely!! It hurted me so much but I had to do the right thing for me and my three kids!! Sometimes love can be blind ,but you have to get strong and make decisions that will help you in the long run!! You are a teacher you can make it without him!! I had no education at all. All I knew was what he told me ,but I got back in school and I got my GED and I did my thang!! Sometimes you got to be the bigger person and say I ain't going to take this no more and mean what you say!! I'll keep you in my prayers!!


Crystal E
Rating
I was married for 16 years but we were together 17 years.Just one time of him hitting you may be true, but it may not.In my experience, the hitting didn't stop.In fact, it got worse.I was embarrassed to be around family because I had to lie to them about how I got a black eye and they knew the truth.We have been separated since Feb. 13th for the 2nd time.I did get a PFA on him in Jan. and I thought it was for the best.After him begging and the kids asking me to let him back, I did.We fought for 2 weeks and I had enough, so my daughter and I left.My 2 sons wanted to stay with daddy so I had to leave them.Now they don't talk to me or see me but I have faith that one day they will realize what I did was for the better for us all.My advice to you is to leave him.Especially if you feel that your love is not the same because it probably isn't and it never will be the same.


Very Honest
You cannot ignore this. Don't you dare let him think, because he said he's sorry that you will forgive him. If he got away with it one time, it will happen again.

Confront him immediately and tell him how this made you feel. Say you do not feel the same about him now and there is no reason to waste anymore time. You have to threaten that you will either report this to the police, or you want him to leave. You have alot of thinking to do now and you don't want to be with him.

No matter what he feels or what he decides, tell him, "he made his bed, now he has to lie in it" Sorry, won't do it. I wish you all the luck.


Frank J
Rating
First of all...Women listen closely. You back someone in the corner they will eventually come out fighting. Do not keep at someone that tells you that he or she has had enough. Let them cool off. When you are in an arguement its allready heated and no matter how hard you try it will not get resolved immediately. Cool off and talk later. It will save people from going to jail. Not all men deserve to be thrown in jail for being a wife beater. Most women push too hard and don't and try to see what men's boiling points are and then they don't like the result. Sit back and put yourself in his shoes. What would you have done in his case. If you are honest you would react more than likely the same. If you answer differently then I would either get counseling or leave.


wineboy
He finally stopped lying to you. You just got to meet the deep down scumbag he really is. Unless you leave NOW (and I mean RIGHT NOW), expect the slaps to become punches, then regular beatings. If you want to be a punching bag, my advice is to stay right where you are. If you have any respect at all for yourself leave right now or he will beat it out of you.

And btw his apologies will get more and more romantic the harder he hits you.


Rachel S
Rating
The first time my husband hurt me was 2 years ago. He was sorry, I think he hated him self for it, since then he dosn't hit me. much. it's usually my fault, she says that if i would have stoped yelling or if i wouldn't have hit him first he wouldn't had to have done it. It dosn't happen much, but it dose break my heart alittle more each time. I don't have to worrie about marks, i can usually cover them, and if not i tell alittle liy. I love my husband, but smetime i wish things were different. good luck


Anne G
Rating
This is the cycle of abuse, it's not going to change and you need to get out of that. You think you pushed him too far and it's partly your fault, that is BS. You are emotionally fragile right now and need to talk to a women's centre counsellor.


ericca001
Leave him, gosh. I understand you love him but he is hitting you.. have you ever heard of walk away


mickelsen123
Abuse should not be accepted by anyone for any reason. I can't tell you to stay with him and hope it doesn't happen again and I can't tell you to leave him for something that may only happen this one time. My suggestion would be to not "keep at him" as you stated you did. Not to defend him for what he did, but would you like it if someone kept at you after you told them to leave you alone? Arguments are not worth abuse. Sometimes you just need to walk away and start a "conversation" not an "argument" later. Hope this helps a little. Good luck.


cincinnati65
Rating
Sorry to tell you this, once a man hits or slaps a woman, it will likely continue. Even with counseling, even if he promises to never do it again, you can bet under stress it WILL happen again.

Most men are taught not to raise a hand to women, but when he crossed the line, he psychologically broke this rule, and once broken, it will remain broken. Now that the rule is broken in his mind, he doesn't have it in place to prevent him from doing it again.

Best advice unfortunately, is get out. Your choices are leaving him or living in an abusive marriage.


tlbrown42000
Hiding is your first mistake. You have been physically abused. You are starting down a bad road that if it is not faced now....head on.....will lead to more violence. He can be as sorry as he wants....but you need to tell someone and at the very least see a therapist. The fact that you are wanting to hide this and are confused instead of being indignant and outraged at this occuring to you is the first sign of an abused woman. Have someone take pictures. Tell your husband this will not and never will be tollerated and it will be dealt with. Don't be humiliated.....face this. I have lost a great friend to spouse abuse...she had a master's degree...but it didn't save her from having her head ultimately taken half off with a screwdriver in front of her children. DO NOT LET THIS GO BY. Contact a woman's shelter. If for nothing else than advice and support. HE is an abuser...and every abusive person has a starting point.


Free To Be Me
You and your husband need counseling NOW. That kind of abuse cannot be tolerated. It is devastating to the victims self-esteem, and almost certain death to a healthy marriage.

It would be rash to just walk away from 9 years together, but this is a crucial crossroad in the rest of your life. The degree of willingness your husband shows toward counseling will tell you most of what you need to know about whether this relationship is worth saving.

All the best to you.


waldguy
Rating
If you do nothing now, you're in for long term trouble.
What you did may have pushed him a little, but what he did crossed a legal line. I feel bad for you because no man should ever stoop to hitting a woman. He has abused you and that's why you feel confused, hurt, and betrayed.

If you don't do anything strong, the cycle will begin: Anger, Hitting, Regret, Calm, Incident, Anger, Hitting. Sometimes the cycle is a day, sometimes a week, sometimes a year. You have to get out and talk to a counselor. A police report is also highly recommended to bring accountability. Even as you move out you can let your husband know that your desire is to rebuild your marriage. Something serious has been broken and lost here and you have to grieve that and face it.

You need to talk to your supervisor about taking a little time off of work and just share honestly what happened. Shame is part of the picture here I know, but family secrets like this make for dysfunctional families!


old man
If it happens once, it will happen again until he kills you.


History Girl
Rating
LEAVE HIM NOW...PLEASE
If he gets away with it, he will do it again


Bert
Rating
I am so sorry, pray, prayer opens the door for God to work in our lives, Jesus loves us so much that He died on the cross for our sins, He came to give us life and life more abundently, all you have to do is ask Him to forgive you of all your sins, and then ask Him to come into your heart, He will pour His love on you, and He will lead your life.....Jesus is love


bobcatlady2u
If you were to have a daughter your age and she came to you with this information that her husband did this to her, what would you want her to do? Now, that's what you need to do.


breeanneavery
WOW girl I'm so sorry. My dad would hit my mom and always tell her it would never happen again. It did! I would tell him he needs to go to anger management classes or get the hell out. I told my husband that if he ever touched me he wouldn't get a second chance! Luckily he never has. It's hard when you love someone, but you don't want to spend the rest of your life being hit! Get some counseling too...that could help a lot! take care!


h20
hit em back u know what im saying


Island*Chica
Get out and go to the Authorities.
Once he hits you, he'll hit you again. Don't wait until it's too late.


~i love my boys~
Rating
leave.....i love my hubby but the thing is the day he lays a figer on me is the day i pack my things & get the heck out of there....no man & i mean NO MAN will ever hit me......i dont care, that doesnt make them more of a man to hit a woman it just makes them more of a lil bit*h.....good luck & god bless


naughty lady
Rating
Get therapy for both of you. This is not good, but can probably be worked out, if you both try.
We all make mistakes. If we learn from them it's wonderful....but we don't need to repeat them, if they were bad.
Good luck sweetie


Browen W
Rating
You need to get out! ITs gonna be tough... but you have to leave, he'll keep doing it. He says sorry but when he gets angry again he'll hit you again and it could be worse. Girl you need to call your mom and get her to come help you move out. Get OUT of that life. Nothing changes.


Mimi
Rating
Go to the police and press charges!!







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