To the Married yahooer's.... does your husband/wife reallly change after marriage?

Unsilenced Lamb The Real One	Every full moon, my husband leaves to chase the moon, naked! It is not that we change,,It is that we have less tolerance for the things that were minor irritations... Men go into relationships hoping that their women will not change and women go into relationships hoping to change their men...some truth to this. What ever bothers you now will bother you 10 times more in 4 years...Better know what you are getting into. that being said...I have been married to the same man for almost 22 years and we are still in love. Edit: Yours sounds like a kid...Have the wedding by yourself if you want the farytale, but wait 5 more years to marry. If you can not look up to your MAN with respect, you are doomed.

blueskys	Get counceling. Write down everything you like and dislike about the other and then decide if you could live with those behaviors that bother you. Neither should expect that the other will change.

carmel	Wait a minute do things change once you are married, the answer is yes, but before you get married things should be somewhat of what you will be expecting out of the marriage. You said that your fiancee was irresponsible, selfish, no patients and want everything now like yesterday, I am here to tell you this. What you see now in this guy is what you get after marriage, and it only gets worst. He is young and immature and you need to know this, he does not sound like he is ready for marriage, and are you that blind not to see. Who wants a partner for life, that do not take their advice, and do you want to take that chance, to see if he grows out of it, do.. you really...really.. have that time. He is not a baby to grow out of something like that, it's his trait, like in his blood, and they don't change like that, that's in him. Think real hard and long, because this is the fiancee, with all these issues, and on top all of that, he is immature and DO YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Kitty	I don't believe that signing a marriage license changes people. At least, this wasn't my experience - and I'm married for the third time. It seems that what does change after marriage is how other people view your relationship; they all of a sudden start taking it more seriously, no matter how long you'd been together before marriage (3 months or 3 years). But the internal dynamics of the relationship change very little. I think, the main change in the relationship itself comes after the couple moves in together; being that for some people it happens when they get married, it is taken as a sign that "marriage" changed things - when in reality it's an adjustment from being on your own to having someone else around 24/7. Again, this is just my experience - it may be different for others. As far as your fiancÃ© goes - he may or may not "grow out" of it; it very well may be how he deals with things, and it's possible that he will continue in the same manner for years to come. 23 is not 15; you can be 23, and still be able to take responsibility for your actions. If I were you, I would not marry him in the hopes that he will "change"; most likely, you're going to be sorely disappointed. If you can't accept certain things as a part of his personality, don't marry him. It's a package deal - like it or not; you can't pick and choose. This "phase" may last until he's 40 - who knows; if you're not prepared to deal with him as he is, either give it some time and see if things are changing for the better, or keep looking for a man who meets your expectations. There's nothing wrong with having standards, and you can have your list of "deal-breakers". You're not looking for a "perfect man" - just the man whom you can accept fully.

Marge	they are always selfish whether married or not. Mine still is very selfish. Get married if you want but don't expect good changes in your man or dreams of perfection. He may relax a little cause he's got you now, no more work involved.less flowers,less Woo.

NEMESIS	did you just tell us, you are doom to fail?

Violet	Yes, it does change everything. And it definitely sounds like your fiance is not even close to being ready for marriage. He's still a selfish child and getting married increases your chances of having a baby which he is even less ready for. If you love him and think you want to marry him I would wait another 3 years.

tzstylin	you know this ,yet you still want to marry him? this is one reason people say 'love is blind'. you aren't blind; you see it. if there is ANYTHING about someone that you can't 'deal with' for the rest of your life WHY MARRY IT? love is not 'dealing with' anything. you either love him or you don't. it sounds to me like you don't. why punish yourself?

poodle mom	i think for the most part, everyone changes a little after they get married. either for the good, or the bad. i know i have (for the good) and my husband has a bit...

Hoping he will bless me with #1	I am married to a man who is exactly like this (minus wanting to go out and make major purchases). We have been married for three years and let me tell you, people do not change unless they want to. You cannot change them and it is important for you to realize that upfront. You can show a man that you care about them all day long, but if they think you are trying to control them then you are wasting your time. Trust me. I am 30 and he is 29 and this is one of our biggest problems. I care too much and I am trying to hard. He takes my feelings as I am trying to control him, when in reality I am not. If you are seeing all the warning signs now, then stop and take a look around you and think about your decision to marry him. If it doesn't work then you all will end up getting a divorce and while that's not the absolute worst thing in the world it's not something that I would want to do. He will not grow out of anything. His mind will mature if he allows it to, but don't get yourself all locked up in something with somebody and then have to compromise your own happiness to deal with his attitude. He is selfish and he wants what he wants and he doesn't care what you say or how you feel.

Queen-T	Unfortunately, it does not sound like your fiancee is ready to be married. Being married is one of the most self-less acts that you can do. In your case, the things that you are talking about will not change after you get married. If he is irresponsible, selfish, defensive, immature, and impatient now, it will only get worse when you get married. Believe it or not, he is probably on his best behavior now. He is not ready! If you marry him now, you will not have to put up with him for the rest of your life; you will only have to put up with him for the rest of you marriage. If he will not take advice from even the people that he knows care about him the most., you are asking for trouble. He may change as he matures, but, he may not; only time will tell. Trust me that is a time you should spend with him unmarried. You can not change people. You only have control over yourself. I am not saying do not ever marry him, I am just saying do not do it now. It sounds like he needs time to mature and prioritize some things in his life. Give him the freedom and time to do so. You will have a much better life together if you do. If you don't and these things bother you now; the only thing you can look forward to is your divorce. Good Luck!!

.....	Whether to marry him or not is a hard decision to make. You need to weigh your options. Weigh the good and the bad I mean. Is he more good than bad because no one is perfect. You're always going to find something wrong with somebody. It's hard to find a good man these days and if you feel like you want to try to work on the bad part about him then good luck. Go ahead and marry him. Being that he's 23, he's still dealing with immaturity and not looking at the bigger picture. If you're fighting about money and his selfishness now, you will fight about it after you get married because noone changes overnight. As he gets older, it's possible that he could change and then again, he may not. When you fall in love with someone and plan on marrying them, you have to accept the good and the bad once your married. Now, is the time to decide whether or not you can deal with the bad if you were to get married. So will you be able to? Because like I said, noone changes overnight. Have you set a date for the wedding? I would postpone it. Give yourself time to think.

duanehofner	About whenever she feels like it, and I'm supposed to know that before I get the hell home too

flylilangels	the same problems in your relationship now will be thier when you get married.you have to grow togetheir,and get a better understanding of each other.relationships is a job you have to work togethier

~Jen~	Yes, everyone changes as they get older and so does the marriage. Financial woe's are the biggest cause for divorce, If your having problems you should try enrolling in a class that can help you and soon to be hubby in managing your money. (before you get married). You both have to be on the same pages with your goals. Its not going to work if your working to save money, and he's just spending what your trying to save. Your going to get frustrated and then that causes arguments, then divorce. Good Luck

T B	everyone changes all the time. What I am saying is both of you will change. Some changes will be immediate, some will take time. But we all change, married or not. As for his immaturity about finances, he will grow out of it, but it might take 35 years. You need to talk to him. It sounds like you guys are on two different levels about this. It may be a deal breaker. If you are busting your butt to pay bills and he is busting his butt making them, you will not be happy. You might get him to change in a direction you want, but if you go too fast he will resent it years down the road, and your relationship will be threatened. He has to want to change. Don't push this, either deal with it or walk away. If you push, you will loose.

ndnqt1966	YIKES!! you are engaged to man that you know is selfish? It isn't likely he will change his behavior and will be patient to get the things he desires. I wouldn't recommend marrying him unless and until he does grow out of this.

tll	Well...i would say he wont grow out of it right away...wait to marry him until he does grow out of it that way you are safe and if he doesnt its easier to break things off....My sister married a guy like that and he has yet to grow up and she is pregnant w/ their second child....its not worth it......

Ember Halo	he won't change things won't change they will be what they ARE do NOT expect him to change!!!

*â™¥Beauty is painâ™¥*	My husband hasn't changed

Poppet	You can't change him, he can only change himself. Any problems you have prior to marriage get worse. Frankly, he doesn't sound ready to be a responsible husband.

~NIKKI~	It really depends on how much you really knew them in the first place weather or not they are going to change after marriage. I don't think people really change that much because of marriage more or less people just don't really know each other that well before getting married and then learn so much more after wards and they think that the person has "changed" but in reality that is probably how they always were. my husband did not change at all but we dated for seven years before marriage so i knew him fairly well.

pufferoo	Money matters are a major source of marital discord. Be careful.

kouklalynn	The biggest change I've noticed is that as soon as I said "I do", she said "I don't"!!!

cassandra	Why are you engaged to some who is selfish, irresponsible, and impatient? He will not grow out of this. At 23, he is who he is. I'm glad you are facing this now. best of luck to you. RUN AWAY FROM HIM AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DON"T LOOK BACK no matter what he says.

MissingInAction	Are you kidding!!!

PediC	oh girl. if you don't want to raise him, don't marry him yet. he has a lot of growing up to do.. and you're not his mother! if you marry him now he'll be stuck in that emotional mode and will you'll always be the bad guy for denying his impulses.. i tell you this from experience. happened to my mother. don't marry a man who isn't mature! do people change after marriage? everyone keeps growing and hopefully the married couple grow together. it's not a given, though.. that's why it's so important to make sure the person you're marrying has the same core values and life goals you do. hope things turn out well for you!

working gal	I divorced a guy that was alot like what you are describing. He was 30 when we divorced, I would like to say he will out grow it, but you never know. Mine didn't. He was very immature, and still is.