Unhappily Married.?

... lifes full of surprises ...	try to maybe get a job to help pay for you to get home.... maybe i will help u feel better. but if u are working and know u are the one making things happen then u will feel better about going home.... and if your boys see what happens day in and out they will understand what u are doing.... u have got to do whats best for them and u.... and alot of times staying in a marriage that is making u very unhappy then its not a place u want to have ur boys bc in the end they will end up unhappy too...

red-haired gypsy	suggest marriage counseling.

faith	Have you told your husband how you feel? Have you tried marriage counseling? I would suggest those things first. Maybe there's a chance things could get better! Don't give up until you have given your all!

LiSsA <3	Okay.. have you guys tried marriage counseling? Look things could be worked out just maybe with some help and with effort from the two of you. Its worth it for you kids! Have you talked to him about this. One person can not stay mad forever without someone else yelling and getting mad. So talk to him about it.If he startes to give you the cold shoulder or yell and get mad. Then you stay chill, No matter what he has to say. He'll come around. And you probably need to work on be sweeter to him. Greet him at the door make him feel like the man of the house and feel good. Who knows he may come around and start being sweet and you guys may find love again! Hope I could be some kind of help. Best wishes for you and your family!

Alicia	I'm sorry to hear you are having problems. The most important thing is to get into some counseling. Then you need to talk with your husband about why things go down hill after he's been home awhile. Try and remember why you got married in the first place and try and get those things back. If he's not aware of what you are going thru, he can't help. Good Luck!! You have to atleast do this for your kids. I'm not saying to stay miserable for the sake of your children, but you should do everything in your power before separating your family. I'm going thru a similiar situation (minus the military stuff) and it's not easy. I honestly feel that it's all worth it so far. Good Luck.

The Peanut Gallery	You spent how long raising his kids and picking up after his messes, sweetheart, that is worth ALOT in a court of law! You have every right to demand money from him, take your children and find a happier life that is waiting for you too! Just do it the smast way, you obviously have access to the 'net, do your research about which move to make first, how to get the finacial support you deserve, and try to keep the dealings away from the kids, it will mean a world of difference to them All the best wishes to you and yours!!

Charro#1	Tough situation you're in. Hope everything works out in the end for you.

Mickey.Slick	just save up the money and move when you can afford it. and dont worry about the kids suffering because of the seperation. if there is a problem in the house, they are suffering from that. its best to have the kids in a stable environment. do you have to move back to NC? can you find a job in Hawaii and just live out there? in the meantime, get a part time job, maybe just while the kids are at school. it will help out.

lavagal.com	First few years of marriage, that is when you discover the kind of spouse you are married to and especially when kids seal your marriage. This is the time when love is truly tested. A good chunk of men become incommunicado when faced with many challenges....they are not multi-taskers like we are. I discovered that most of these issues, you will go through with most other men out there so by leaving him, you may just be jumping from the frying pan to the fire. If he is not abusive in anyway or is not an infidel then chances are you are going through the knowing each other phase. I can tell you that you need to think more about empowering yourself.....It is very risky these days to just think of yourself as a home wife. Go to school, get some training, get a job, start being in control over your life.................Try and get no more children and work hard at bringing the two up.

live life	you really need to talk to him. maybe he will understand and if things don't get better maybe he can help you get back to NC

Christina W	There are people who can help you. Contact the YMCA. They have a website with contact numbers. They will be able to steer you in the right direction.

dest2353	Try counseling , i have been deployed 3 times and me and my wife had some hard times, just stay faithful and be honest and try the counseling thing and remember that if there are problems before he deploys they will still be there when he comes home if they are not resloved

Jo.B.	You need to do some research and find yourself a way off that Island. However before you make any move to do so make sure that it's really what you want. It's not going to be about running away from your problems but FIXing them! If it's an abusive raltionship you need to get out of there as fast as possible and take your boys with you. Even if it's not abusive you still need to care for those boys, staying in a relationship because of your children is not a good enough reason to stay in a marriage. As I am sure you are figuring out already! I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure if you get in contact with your some form of government help, they may help you find a way out of Hawaii!!

pjbw	I can tell you from experience growing up as a child in an unhappy home, there is always hope. I tell you like I tell my kids, pray. God can do anything. My mom was in a very abusive relationship with 5 kids so she couldn't just go (easier said than done). I use to hear her talking to God all the time and when the time was right there was a way and a place for us to go and be safe. Good luck.

nichts_einhornchen	Well, it seems like you've made your mind up about this one. My question to you is, have you talked to him about it at all? In terms of leaving, this will be better for your boys. It's not a good idea having them grow up to be like the father if what he does is wrong. There are ways of getting out. The first good method is to have some faith that you CAN do so. Never tell yourself you cant, or you simply wont be able to. Have a constant "I can and will do this" attitude. Next step, think of your options to gain money enough to leave. Bank loan, credit card (last resort), friends, family, etc. After this, look at the legal issues involved with taking your children. Visitation, custody issues, etc. Take it one step at a time, or it will seem overwhelming.

Jim	You don't give many details. If you need to establish some independence and control, you will need a job. As for your husband, he may be unaware ow unhappy you are. As strange as it may seem, most men say they didn't know their marriage was in trouble until it was over. Life is difficult and few of us are genuinely happy. Your happiness must flow from within, or you will find yourself unsatisfied in every situation. You might start by joining a church, and finding a support group there.

BabeHart	What to do with your life is up to you. Work on your marriage if you can, but if there's nothing to be done there then do what's best for you and the kids. Why be miserable when you can do something to fix it?

Sugar	You either borrow or save the money. You will feel better for having done so. Good Luck to you.

janezim2002	Life is to strong and I have watched enough Dr Phil to say that you are not only hurting yourself you hurt the kids. Try to save some money have a plan and some money put away. In a marriage we at times lose our selves but I have been married for 12 and if your happy it is great. Good luck. I love NC DUKE My dad lives there. Dont pretend life is to short.

johnguy	email me please at johnguy1199@yahoo.com i would like to talk to you about this online. i have a sis in hawaii God bless

ClC-81	how downhill does it go? Is there screaming and fighting, or are you just the type that would rather be free and single (no offense). you should really ask yourself, is the relationship you are in now, and whatever you are going through, worth ripping your children away from their father? Think about it, unless your husband will be getting out of the military soon, he'll have so many restrictions on himself, that it will be REALLY hard for him to make the travel to NC to visit your children, not to mention the fact that it will be a rare occurrence for him to visit. Is that what you want for your children? Separation can be very hard on children! Think about it from their perspective. One thing to add, if there is physical abuse, then yeah, get out of there ASAP!

Wendy	Hun it is a big decision but you have to figure it out we cannot do that for you.. You will know what is best..

Masterpice	Go to counseling with your husband, then you two can decide whats best. good luck!!

Anita H	Blues huh? Well, I will say this, you are not alone, and I could almost visually see what you mean. Been there don it. You want to get home from Hawaii, well guess what, you will! I promise you that. Remember, it's not how u fall, but how u get up. There was a lesson in this, and hopefully you've learned it. I am in Georgia, do you have n e work experience? I've alot of contacts. I also have a cousin in Fayetteville, NC. Please add me as a contact. Remember this, there are no coincidences, GOD, is in control of seconds, minutes, hours, days, week, months, and years. I responded for a reason, believe in Christ, and you'll see him work 4 u. Also, God has been working behind the scenes. Get ready! Take care, and hope to hear from you soon!

mirka_1412	run from marriage

rookie	Military life is never easy. Your accounts have both of your names on them...right? Then you are entitled to purchase a ticket and leave when you want to go back to NC. Staying in a marriage or relationship because of children is not the best for the children. They will understand with time.

dilusionL	Wow Niki, sorry for your troubles. You and your husband have to sit down together preferably with a counselor (not a military shrink) and discuss the problem. Perhaps he isn't feelin it any more either, or perhaps like a lot of men in this situation, he's completely unaware. Marriages take a huge, huge amount of work and i can only imagine that a military marriage is worse. Communication is key (assuming your spouse isn't abusive) and counseling by an impartial third party can help. A few sessions can help each of you redefine your mutual needs and expectations as well as the realities of your relationship. With proper management an amicable outcome can be reached. Please note* this strategy will only work with a stable spouse. If the spouse is unstable then everything changes. Good luck.

notarycat	I do not encourage separation and divorce unless it is the absolute last resort. You and your husband need to seek some marriage counseling and do as much as you can to save your marriage and set a good family example to your children. Marriage takes a lot of work and effort to make it successful. There will always be hard times, and there will always be good times. Both you and your husband need to admit and talk about your issues, and get into some good marriage counseling. Divorce is really never the answer. More than 80% of people that get divorced will at some point wish they hadn't.