WHAT DO I TELL my KIDS?

blueyes r	be careful not to bad mouth him or his gf infront of them first of all and tell them cause daddy loves you just as much as i do and misses you and wants to see you too

jammer3160	We don't live in the same house together. We want to be there for you as a Mom and a father. We love you. Keep it simple...they are just kids. In fact let them come back with questions if they want and you should then answer them openly and honestly, they will learn then to come to you for answers to their questions.

norester	tell them the truth.

americanidiotxp	well..since they're young...you can get away with excuses. However, when they're grown and ready to handle the shock...you should really tell them the truth. If they do find out the truth...it's not gonna be pretty. Just the fact..that their father did that...would really make them..go through stress. SO LAY LOW AND RELAX...until then. :[ i really dont know what else to tell you.

Jen70	The answer I give my daugther is "because you are blessed to have two parents who love you and want to spend time with you and we agreed on a schedule so you could see me some of the time and him some of the time." I also tell my daughter "I only had a mom and I was sad that I could not see my father because he died." Think about what you would want your ex to say if the kids one day said "I want to stay with you dad." and answer in kind.

kaleb	you cant really tell them the truth for now cos they wouldnt realy understand but u can can explain to them in a simple manner but not reassuring. like tell them that the situation now is different and u need to live in diffrnt houses. but daddy loves you so he wants to see and be with you despite of the situation. then they would understand in the end when they know the truth (when they grow up of course) but keep on telling them that first.

Lunaeclipz	because Daddy and I both love you and we have to share you!so thats twice as much love!

lahockeyg	That is a tough one especially when it is hard on everybody that they've got to leave you. I think what you are doing is the right thing...explain to them that they need to spend time with both mommy and daddy and that is the fair thing to do...let them know that kids need to see both parents because that is what is best for them. Good Luck.

pinchhazard	Just let them know that they will understand when they're older why their parents had kids before they were mature enough to properly raise them together. They'll understand because they will do it, just like mommy and daddy did. And the cycle continues.

Worried wife	I agree with CURIOUS Find out why the dont want to go. If its just simple as they dont like the other woman or want to spend time with you then tell them "ASK YOUR DADDY" I would love to know what his response to that is. lol

ndnqt1966	They are still very young and require a simple a answer...Tell them that their daddy really does miss them.....loves them very much.... and wants to be able to see them when it is his turn.....

Willow	I would be more concerned about why they were reluctant to spend time with daddy. Kids of this age are more likely to want to be with their mum anyway, so don't force them to go if they don't want to. Get your ex to come round and "invite" them to spend some time with him, they can then tell him whether they want to or not. This way he can see that it is not your decision but theirs. They may also prefer to spend time with daddy in their own home where they feel comfortable, arrange for him to come round while you go out and do other things, this will appease his new partner who may resent the time he spends in your company. Your kids are young they do not understand the behaviour and emotions of adults. Try to keep things as "friendly" as possible, I know this will be difficult if you feel betrayed by your husband, but your kids emotional well-being is what you should be concentrating on. Good luck, with compromise and putting the needs of the kids first things will get better. x

pamela d	wow this is a big issue here. just break lt to them softly that you and daddy can`t be together right now

Jason S	Use creative parenting. make up some kind of wonderful exciting excuse, and then redirect their thinking and attentions to the fun they are gonnna have and then redirect away from that to something neutral.

Torres	You have to try and explain that sometimes mommy and daddy's have to live apart, but that both of you love them no matter what and want to spend equal time with them....

Jim V	of course your pissed and you have every right to be mad as hell. But don't damage your kids by trying to make them hate their father as much as you do. Try to put the past behind you and tell them that their daddy loves them and wants to spend time With them too. your kids do not deserve to be caught in the middle between the two of you. I wish you and your kids luck. Just remember, no divorce is one sided, both people have to share some part of the blame either because they ignored the other or just didn't pay enough attention to what was going on.

Maalru3	You need to explain to them that sometimes adults just cant' live together and that he loves them and you love them, and you still love him cause he is their father. They are working you and him probubly also. Put it in kids terms and never trouble kids with adult issues.

Jamie	I can't tell you what to say but as a mother of a 3 and 4 year old I can tell you what I would say. I would tell my kids..."just because mommy and daddy don't live together doesn't mean that your daddy doesn't love you just as much as he always has. Mommy may be a little more fun but that's okay. I always thought my mommy was more fun too. Daddy still loves you and you still love daddy. So please go spend some time with him and you'll have a nice time. Then you will be back home. I think it's pretty cool that you get two homes. It means you get two beds and two sets of toys. Even two birthdays! So have fun and I'll see you soon. Love ya!" Good luck! And I admire you for being a proud single parent that worries about her children! God bless!

carriegreen13	Tell them that the reason you and their daddy are not together anymore is because you do not love eachother the same as you did before. But that does NOT mean that mommie and daddy have stopped loving you both any less, tell them you love them more and that it is time that they see and spend time with daddy who loves and misses them very deeply and he wants to share that love with them on the times that he wants to see them. Be honest with your children, they do not need any more stress than they already have, next time they have a question, be honest, they are human too!!!! The crosses they are carrying are so heavy right now, you have to lighten the load and talk to them and if you see any changes in their behavior have them talk to a child psychiatrist.

Dood	Here's a good one: BECAUSE HE'S YOUR FATHER

BeckyBlue	As a mum who has just gone thorugh a separation I would ask your ex why your kids are saying this? My boys are older so can tell me what's going on. But there must be a reason why they don't want to go. It may be very simple but don't ignore this please.

Rune	When they ask why they have to go to daddy's tell them that it is because he loves them and wants to spend time with them. Whent hey ask why it's daddy's turn tell them that it's his turn because you have to get a surprise ready for them. Have that surprise be anything from watching a movie when they come back to happy meals. Something that allows the three of you to spend time together.

Karen S	Don't tell them more than they need to know at this age! Simply put it this way, 'because Daddy loves you and wants to spend time with you too.' It is very critical now that you are honest but not mean! Don't let your feelings toward your ex show to them please!

Sands	You can get excellent advice at www.survivinginfidelity. com including what to say to your children/family/friends, and how to move on. Another great site is www.cheaternews. com.

Art	THE TWO OF YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AN EXPLAIN IT TO THEM THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND.

tessa1198	I would just tell them that there daddy loves them and he wants to spend time with them also....children are very smart they know more than you think...I'm sure there is a lot of anger you feel but eventually your children will understand and will be able to decide what they want its best to try not to persuade them in thinking anything else . I would think this would be best for your relationship with your children. good luck it is hard I understand.

Barbara A	I would suggest they ask Daddy why they are at his house. You can only answer for yourself. If they are in the "WHY" stage of their development, know that this will pass.

monicanena	Say "Because your daddy loves you and misses you."