What do I do if my husband won't work?

My husband is an adjunct professor at a local college. He has been writing a book for 5 years now. He used to have small jobs while at college and would sometimes pay for things. I work 3 jobs and pay for everything...rent, utilities, credit cards, medical expenses, food, student loan, etc. He makes enough for his car and beer each month. My savings account is almost gone and I can't afford to do this any longer. I have told him he needs to get another job (he works about 4 hours a week) and he complains he doesn't want to. He has also stopped doing things around the house. I have to cook (or buy the food), clean, do the laundry, bathe the dog, everything! He told me last night that I need to hurry up and finish the taxes so he can have some money to spend at an upcoming convention he wants to go to. Why doesn't he see the bills piling up? He is so selfish and when he does get some money, he spends it on things he wants. My anniversary present was 3 months late b/c he had to buy all the little things he needed (blank DVDs, cases, blank CDs, etc) first. When is enough enough? What can I do to make him grow up and take some responsibilities? Do I move out and leave him to try (he can't) to afford the house we are renting? What can I do? Please help!
Thanks!

Cmundley	Wow, he sounds like a perfect match for my ex wife. It would be a match made in heaven!

davelennv	Move out will probably be the worst thing you can do. You are probably on the lease and will screw up your credit. I would try, if it is possible, to get your husband in to see a doctor. He may be depressed, or have another medical condition. If he refuses give him an ultimatum. Tell him, NO MORE MONEY for him, until he gets a job....PERIOD, AND STICK TO IT!!! If he cant buy his beer, CD's etc. he will change. In addition, if he is one the bank account, get him off it, get new credit cards, ATM cards, etc. You are going to have to keep him out of the money. In fact I would use a debit card for everything, with a PIN that only you know. DO NOT bring cash home. Its too easy for him. Also, get some mental health counseling for yourself as well. If you need someone to talk to, please e-mail me.

Tracker	He's being grotesquely unfair. If he's going to be home all day, then guess what- he should be doing the housework if he's not otherwise contributing to the household. What's fair is fair. Extreme measures would to refuse to do anything for him. I'd say stay with a friend or relative for awhile, and politely inform him that he is not the man you married, and he has to fend for himself until he decides to grow up and take some adult responsibilities. You may also want to look into separating for awhile.

Missy	Hi Jen. I think enough is already enough. It sounds like this man is totally taking advantage of you. If you already do EVERYTHING why not do everything for yourself. Move out. Get your own place. Keep your three jobs. Build your savings back up. As far as divorce I am not for it. I think you should try to save your marriage, but you may have to let him drown first before he realizes what it is he has lost. If he misses you and begs for you to come back then tell him he needs to get a job, do half of the bills and half of the household chores, and get counseling. I wish you the best of luck. If these things don't work then you can't say you didn't try. I would end it if you've tried it all.

Travis L	He is selfish.. Im married and Im not working right now I go to school too, but I have to do all the laundry, clean the house, vacuum, grocery shop. my wife is a teacher she makes good money. She pays for my school too, but she doesn't care because I do all the other work, that she doesn't want to do.. But your husband sounds like he wants his cake and then icecream. Tell him to find a job or else.. Tell him he needs to come up with some income.. There are plenty of things he can do to earn money..

Fairydogmother	Wake up and smell the coffee - that you bought. 5 years and he won't pull his weight and you have 3 jobs? Don't walk.. RUN! This is a prime example of when an ultimatum is in order. Work or out!

twistedssjmetal	Mind if I ask how old you guys wer when u got married?

Chris M	i know it will be hard to do, but i would say you need to move out. dont leave him, just move out. let him realize that his life is sinking farther and farther down. its something he needs to realize for himself. you cant teach him it. times are tough. you cant afford to do this. i have a feeling that if you make him realize that if he doesn't straighten out, he wont get to stay with you, hell change his act.

honey	It sounds like you should quit supporting him and move on. Give him an ultimatum.

Roxy	tell him either he gets a job or you leave him if he loves you he will get a job

J Ann	Yes, move out. That is ridiculous. You didn't mention kids, so if there are no kids to factor in then why, why, would you stay with that guy? Is something wrong with you that you can't get anyone else?

lc	i think that u should tell him to get a job or get out

openminded	I would go get a place to rent and force him to grow up.

Jinna L	tell him he needs to work my ex husband wasn't writing a book but he wouldn't work we would go hungry first i ended up leaving him but try talking to him first

other_guy	Sorry Jen! But if what you said in your text is true, then he doesn't want to help you at all! You are going to have to leave him! Seriously!

Joe M	you should leave him he's clearly not the man u fell in love with and he's acting like a child

loves christmas lights	Yes the big bye bye is needed, you tried, hes found a sugar mama not a wife, some really awesome man will come along. Dont ever tell him if your past relationship, its shows you although so strong, but oh so weak, let him always see the strong side of you. Your awesome. He needs to leave, and do not care where he goes, hell find another unknowing its not your job to worry about him now. File and move on to a beautiful life.

Fanny	stop running yourself ragged for your childish and immature husband. you're not his mother and that's maybe who he needs to be with for a while.

Stacy C	What a big baby! I believe actions speak louder than words: it's time to pick up and leave his lazy butt. You basically are already on your own, so make it official. Respect yourself enough to leave him.

amays20320	Whats he a professor in? Obviously not Finance. Well move out on his broke lazy a$$

Sniper	Leave him now before it's too late.

You think I killed him	Give him a head.

Paper Wings	kick him out! tell him he can move back in when he gets a real job and that he can pay for rent

Gknicks	I bet if you moved out, he would shape up real quick.

danibel	Doesn't the average professor make decent money or am I just stereotyping here?

Shia	I think you need to consider not being with him, he doesnt appreciate all your hard work and it seems like he is using you, and using the writing a book as an excuse to slack off. Goodluck

Shane H	Quit all your jobs and just wait Obama is going to take care of you.

Stephen K	kick his *** out! nuff said.

Aidan T	ask him why he wont work

hugh	Have you considered investment in a bullwhip?