What is the Mature way to address an issue with my husband?

icewitch54	Well, the first thought is that you do not 'confront' that almost automatically means a row. The mature way is not to say things like "you do this" "you do that"..that is confrontational. A better way to "argue" is to stay calm and say things like "when you do (or say) this it makes me feel................". If you argue in the heat of the moment you (and he) may well say things that you don't really mean but once the words are out they can not be taken back..but can do a lot of damage. Sometimes a good tactic is to just say that you are too angry to discuss the issue at that time but will talk to him about it when you (or he) is calmer.

stephen.bellini	calm constructive conversation, if you feel yourself getting angry-ready to rant tell him to give you a minuit, go away and calm down, come back and tell him he made you wild so's not to do it again be happy

Caleb R	Write it down. Write the problem (issue) down in an email or in a letter and hand it to him and tell him you want to discuss it at a later date. Then ask him what he wants for dinner and go on with your life. Arguments get loud very easily(all the time with me:P) and feelings get hurt. Just realize that most of the time what you are arguing about is very very miniscule in the broad look at things and it really won't matter that much in the long run. If it is a big deal then just write it down and give it to him sometime. Email him while he's at work. Leave a letter on his pillow telling him you love him and you need to talk to him about sometihng that is upsetting you. The problem is not him. It might be something he's doing. But not him. It takes 2 to argue:D

Shavon	To argue like a adult you must first be able to spell adult. It takes two to fight fair so this is something you will both have to work on. You two need to come up with rules of engagement: When having a argument stick to the issue!! Don't bring up other things that is another argument. There is no need for name calling it will not help the situation. Sometimes there will be no agreement and you have to know when to agree to disagree. Just make sure that you make your points clear and make your feelings on the issue known. Cooler heads prevail guys so take some time before you rush into a fight. You need to decide if it is a battle you really want to fight and it is always best to try and figure out a compromise.

MRS. B	ok, lol i've been married for a little over a year and when we fight its the same thing... but in a matter of hours we are ok. i think its just the inner stress in us, its probable the same with you. i think its normal anywhere you look honestly. i mean if its something you can laugh about later then i don't see any harm...plus its hard to change yourself let alone another person and how you deal with eachother i think you are in love for a reason. good luck

James K	is it one thing you always argue about, or many? if its one thing, get it over with and settle it...if it is many,you two will always do this...

walter c	Approach him like AN ADULT, explain your issues In A calm and Assertive way. IF ya start screaming in the attempt to convey your issues than Who is the real child.

Leanna's mom	When you say you want to argue like an adult, it is hard to understand how you are arguing in the first place. Are you (either of you) saying things that are immature to one another when fighting? Do you purposely "push his buttons" just to get a reaction out of him? If this is the case, this might be difficult at first, but try to think about your words before saying them rather than blurting something out just because you can. Think of what you are saying and how you would feel if it were being said to you. The fact that you recognize the fact that things are being said immaturely is a HUGE step in a positive direction. If the arguments get so heated to the point of yelling, walk away for a bit and calm down, gather your thoughts and be cool. If it helps, write down how you are feeling so when you are able to discuss them "as adults" you will not forget anything on your list. Believe me, this helps! I used to be a MAJOR hot head and would sound off at ANYTHING and ANYONE! Not so much anymore. Also, if you have children, please do not argue like this in front of them. They learn what they see... I hope this helps and this is what you are after.

Josie Jo	Honey - to argue like an adult, both parties need to be adults!!!

hyabusawife	Never discuss important issues when you are angry. When people are angry they tend to say and do things that they don't neccessarily mean. Calm down then re-group and talk about the issues.

rb_cubed	I once had an Episcopal priest tell me that the only way to argue with your spouse was in bed, nude, holding hands, and looking each other in the eye. But seriously, you should both resolve to stick to the subject of the argument, and don't bring up past issues, or divert from the subject onto something else. Holding hands is good. Looking each other in the eye is good. The rest, is really up to you.

expedigirl	Sit down and talk. Make it a point to let the other person finishing speaking before you cut in. Say how you feel, and what you believe but don't put words in your partner's mouth.

Ann D	I don't know what you two are arguing about, but in anger management classes they say that rather that confronting someone in an accusatory manner, explain how something makes you feel. For instance: "It really hurts and I feel like you don't love me when you chhose to stay out all night and drink with your buddies." Rather than: "You @^$%#&%!, where were you last night?????"

keithleyjustin	Wrap your arms around him give him a big kiss, even if you at the moment you dont want to and then say baby, honey somethings on my mind.. then proceed in explaining youself and whats in your head that you need cleared or visited about... Ladies tend to pounce and dig in deep...

None of your business	if your hubby is childish unfortunately there is not going to be any discussion...but if you want him to listen to your input write him a letter so you won't be interrupted :-)

Cameo	If you google "fight fair" you'll get a lot of helpful advice from respected sources. Good luck!

cici	instead of being confrontational, you need to practice using phrases like, "I feel..." and "I want..." instead of "You made me..." and "It's YOUR fault". it can be hard to do, but when you say to someone, "I feel hurt", rather than "You hurt me" it is so much less confrontational.

aurailieus	be as nice as possible, use both your ears and your mouth, try to be reasonable and go into the situation trying to resolve the matter calmyl and with compromise.

Kimberlee	Try to not say thing anything that is going to make the other mad and say things they regret later. Think before you speak and think about what effect your statement is going to make. Stop antagonizing the other...You can't both be right.

floridaman39us	If you feel yourself getting tense, step back and take a deep breath. Let him win some arguments.

BLANKY B	When he yells, keep your voice calm without being condescending and ask him to lower his voice so that you can have an adult conversation.

Jan D	Discuss it while remembering that you love him.

Beatngu	Talk and discuss. Don't raise your voice, don't take a Motherly tone. And if it starts to get heated, tell him you need to back off. He needs to know he should do the same. Either that or fight naked... Either way, you'll take care of business.

Badkitty	Listen as much as you talk. That needs to go both ways. When you disagree understand that no one will win the disagreement, to end the discussion you must come to a compromise.

sunbun	talk to him DO NOT RIDICULE or condem him

tentoes	When your discussions become heated, you need to keep your cool and keep talking in a calm manner.

weeder	I have the same problem with my wife. I finally got to the point where I would just walk away and tell her to come find me when she was ready to have an adult, mature conversation. Of course that only p*isses her off more at first, but after a few she'll usually calm down. weeder

Rums the Word	Speak to him and not at him. Don't raise your voice and start yelling. Talk to him like you wan to be talked to.

Fine Like Wine in 09	sit down maybe over dinner or something aand have a discussion about what the issues are

Look Away, I'm Hideous	take a break when it gets heated. seperate then try to discuss it 10 or 15 minutes later.