What is the best way to survive after a horrible divorce?

kittiesandsparklelythings	Geez, thats awful! Fight for your kids. I'm not saying be mean, but don't give up where your kids are concerned.

Larry W	I think you can survive, only do it one day at a time. You can't change the past, and the future hasn't happened yet. Deal with what you can today. Let tomorrow happen tomorrow. Find yourself again. Marriage and children can make you forget that you are a person- not just a wife or a mom, you are a person. You have value! You won't be able to stand up and fight for yourself until you are strong again. You can get counseling. Deal with the cost later, counseling can help you cope with your life now. Once I got over the stigma of seeking help (typical guy thinking) I found out that counseling was a lifesaver. I could deal with my life, I could manage the grief, and other emotions. I wish you well!

ken j	first of all this is not about you and him it is about your children. Why did you divorce? I don't think you told everything but your children should come first in a situation like this you and he may have to go to a mediater hired by the court to help determine what is best for the kids. the only thing I can say is that this too will pass and i hope your kids end up having happy lives in spite of you and your ex's problems

oh_jo123	I would take him back to court and get everything from him after you get that then I would burn him really really bad and never speak to him again get full custody of my children and make him pay child support

LIPPIE	Go back to courtt and try and get the kids. Make sure you are leading a good life, so they don't have anything against you. You can also tell the lawyer that they have to cease talking bad about you to the kids. You also do not talk badly about him. If he had to sell the house, he might not have the money to fight you. You don't have to get along with him, all you have to do is be a good mother to his children, and follow what the courts say, other than that I would only be polite, just as if he where a stranger. Don't give up on getting your kids back. You don't say how old they are, but when they get a certain age, they can determine who they want to live with.

your_dear_old_mother	Living well is always the best revenge.

Laura J	You have a choice despite his behavior in this physical reality right now. One of the things that is difficult to do but will be your saving grace is to stop reliving how he has betrayed you over and over again in your mind. Because, believe me... He's not losing one ounce of sleep over your feelings of betrayal. My father did to my mother everything you have written. I have to say that the pain I live with 40 years later is her historionics of repeating how he hurt her over and over again. It has aged her incredibly fast and has caused her to be perpetually diseased. My lesson from that was to control my way of thinking and to resolve my own problems so that I do not victimize myself. You've already done the first step. You've removed yourself from victim mode to survival mode. The next step is to move yourself to your joy and being happy to be again. I recommend "Conversations With God" book 1, Deepak Chopra's works, and Dr. Wayne Dyer. Every one of these authors are telling people to take charge of their well being so that one can obtain a life filled with love for oneself inside and out in order to remove obstacles to create a clear path for oneself and ones children.

soundproof	First-take care of yourself. Make yourself able to care for your kids, then go get them. You don't have to lower yourself to his level but you do have to lookout for number 1. Do you really want your kids exposed to his immaturity and inability to be civil? Do what is right, remove your kids from that bad environment, stop paying him to poison your children's minds and get on with your life. You can survive and as someone else said, living well is the best revenge!

momma of two	pray. that is the best answer i can give you. put everything at the foot of Jesus and he will be there for you to pick up the pieces!!! we need to remember why jesus died and rose again. he wants us to repent of our sins, follow him, because he loves us and promises eternity in heaven with him, for all who TRULY love and follow him. if we do not totally turn our whole life to him and tell others about his love and promises, then we will be forever separated from him and in eternal punishment.

Jack N	move on and drink heavily to forget

Vanessa :)	Explain to your kids that you tried really hard to let them live just as wonderfully, but you just couldn't do it. It won't kill them to live in a smaller house. Don't be just as mean to your ex. Pray.

fields_wc	my ex did the same thing to me and my son thinks everything thats happened is all my fault, i went to custody court and i do have therapy with my son now, not sure its helping either. when they reach 15 yrs of age the courts listen to them. but in the end i think the truth always comes out, and as far as her taking everything from me my son also lives there so he gets it too. i'm just gonna have to do it again and better this time.

yoliesline	Best thing to do is smutther him with kindness, don't fight back with anger. Show you kids that no matter what you are the good guy and always be there for them. They will come of age when they will realize who was the mean one in the relationship. What the other spouse and family forgets it's that these children will grow up and know what was wrong and write. Trust me I see it happen all the time. Years later but all worth while when you hear the kids side of the story. (Hang in there).

John M	get yourself in the best situation you can, find a place you can afford even if the kids would have to share a room or something. then, if you feel up to it, go ahead and ask for placement, either shared or full, whatever you feel is in the best interests of the kids. Let the interests of the kids be your guide.

Crystal	I know you should fight for custody of your children, they should not be in that kind of environment. He spiteful and hateful and he will live the rest of his life lonely and miserable. Take him to court and you will get your kids back and eventually your happiness!....never give up.

streamthree	Join a support group.

In God We Trust	Be happy that you awaken every morning and experience the Lord's most beautiful gift which is "Life." YOU indeed need justice. Yes, you should go back into court and get "appropriate treatment" for YOU and your children. Remember this, What shall we then say to these things? If GOD be for us, who can be against us? - Romans 8:31. The Lord daily loadeth us with BENEFITS, even the God of our salvation. Selah. - Psalm 68:19. Peace, Love and God Bless.

Chakra	Might as well fight til the end. With you paying the child support, I'm going to assume that you make much more than he does, or he doesn't work at all? Yes, let your lawyer do his work and fight for your rights. You've lost everything, so what else do you have to lose, right? Be strong! When you win the case, pay for a psychiatrist. And a vacation with your kids. You all need it ;)

Aloha_Ann	First of all dont talk bad about him and his family in front of the kids they are already going thru enough. Then just try to find a good life to help yourself and your kids when they get to see you. Most men in that situation eventually get tired of the whole thing and it calms down. Who knows he may even get tired of having the kids and you need a place to bring them if that happens.

chickie_from_the_90s	Get a job and another husband. Take your kids back, you're the mother, and say to the court that he's taking all your stuff and not splitting everything up nicely. It sounds like you should have divorced him if he's talking mean about you behind your back.

JIM	how horrible! you asked my opinion and it say learn the great benefit of acceptence because you will have full attention and your intellect to solve the problem. you can do it. put the past behind and make careful decisions. obsessing on the past will destroy you.

fdj1	Jesus said "If you take up my cross I will never forsake you " and " you will be double recompensed for all the shame you have had in your life " I think that about answers your question and is a great solution

nita5267	Get an attorney who will speak for your children. Dust yourself off from the horrible mess he has put you through and focus on the kids. You will survive without the husband, but the kids will be better off with the parent they want to be with.

KD & DJ	NAH, IF U DO WHAT HE DID U ARE JUST A LOW AS HE IS. JUST REMEMBER, LOVE FOR THE KIDS R THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. GOOD LUCK!!!

Bill F	I cannot imagine why you want to get along with him. You no longer have anything he wants, so he's wadded you up and thrown you away. If your attorney honestly thinks he can get you full custody, then I would say go for it. You could probably use counseling, too, if for no other reason than to learn assertiveness. If you can't afford it, there are a million self-help books out there. You don't want to be mean; you want your attorney to portray you as a sympathetic client to the judge. Your ex's personality will probably not go over really well in court against you, you're a woman who does not have a mean streak in her, and your kids would rather live with you. I would say, again, go for it. Your kids are counting on your assertiveness and compassionate nature.

that judi	In order to be at your best, take care of yourself first ! Your kids need a healthy vibrant mom and it aint about the size of the house they are raised in - trust me!! They need you to make informed decisions that affect them and your relationship with them. You can never undo what others say about you, so keep a civil tongue in your head and your kids will figure out the truth. All they need to know is that they are loved unconditionally.

louise23	Girl you gotta play hard ball and fight for ur kids. Its not about him, you need to do whats best for ur kids and urself. IHe obviosly didnt give a damn. Make sure u are stable enough though to stand on ur to feet and back it up

moonchild	Pray and fight for your kids.