What should I do after 5 yrs of marriage & no attention.He says he knows he treats me bad but nothing changes.

We've been together 7 years and I always had to beg him to call me or anything. It got slightly better but quickly returned to the same way. I thought after having his children he'd change but he didn't. He said he was tired after they were born and wanted to go home and sleep. After my daughter was born I had to beg him for 3 hours to get me something to eat. The day I got home w/ my first he yelled at me for not cleaning house. He says he knows he treats me badly and he's afraid I'll leave him, but yet he doesn't try to change anything. For years I've been overweight and now that I'm looking better he's getting meaner. I don't go anywhere, do anything, spend any money except on him and the kids. I don't know what to do. I love him but not like a wife should. It is more like a friend. Any ideas on what I should do I'd greatly appreciate.

emily	You should leave. No one should live like that. I am really sorry for the pain you have allowed him to put you through.

Big Super	He's not going to change. Why should he? You keep putting up with his bad behavior, so he has no reason to change. You have several options: 1. Move out / Get a divorce. 2. Go to counseling. 3. Put up with it. I can see that you're almost fed up, so it sounds like 3 is right out the window. 1 is a pretty big step, and you have to be ready for it, so I would say go for 2 - get some counseling. If he refuses, then go to 1. Good luck.

hhhh	will it take 5 more years to realize that he won't change? Are you willing to invest that time? If so stay...if not time to make some changes of your own. And by the way...what is it that you love about him...he doesn't sound all that lovable

fanofozzyosbourne	As a women who left her controlling X, please do yourself a favor and get out while you can, he is not ever going to change....also get custody papers done up for your children because if he is like I think he is that will be the next thing he will want to control once he realizes he can not control you any more......it took me 3 times before I finally left and was able to stay away , look at it this way do you want your children behaving like that or being treated like he treats you??

1/2 pint	can i just say you just wrote my life with my ex husband.Dont let it dra on any longer believe me. They are insecure of themselves and know that if you went out and did anything you would see that the grass IS so much greener on the other side, and you should not have to deal with him treating you this way, sdo you want your daughter to grow up and take this from any man?? I know its hard but I was with him for 11 years since I was 16 years old, had 3 kids together and I just got up one day packed my stuff took my kids and left everything. He actually served me with divorce papers. Once you leave you will ask yourself why you didn't do it long ago. Good luck to you and my god you sound just like me and what I just went through

Thumbs down me now	if he wont treat you better than leave. maybe he needs to lose you before he will change. leave for a while and tell him if he wants you back that he needs to treat you better. give him some time to think about it then decide if you want to give him that chance.

lmnop	It sounds like you both need pastoral counseling. Are you in a church? If not, this is a good reason to go. If he refuses to go, go by yourself. Also, I would recommend two books to you: "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and "The Five Love Languages - Men's Edition" also by Chapman. There is a chapter in the Men's Edition book about how to love the unlovely. He sounds pretty unlovely to me.

BonesofaTeacher	You cannot wait for him to change. He will not change on his own. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE. Then he may be different in response. But the change has to start with you. What will you do different? Stop washing his clothes? Stop cleaning the bathroom? Start losing weight? Get a hobby? Invite friends over? The thing is you have to make changes that you want for you. For your life. Maybe spending more time with the kids etc. Invest in yourself. If your relationship with him changes, then you can deal with that when it happens. But right now you have to make changes for yourself. I recommend taking yoga or bellydance as a start.

Troy	Life is short. Never settle for anything less. Get a good divorce lawyer and squeeze him for everything he has. Go out there and start a new life with your kids.