When should I tell the in-laws what really went on during the marriage that led to the divorce?

Kenababy	honestly, i don't think it would do any good. my sister recently went through a divorce i've known her my entire life and i know she made mistakes but at the end of the day she's my sister, we're connected by blood and nothing can get in the way of that. so when it comes down to her side of the story versus his, even though i'm pretty sure there was no exaggeration on her part, i will always take her side. although i got along well with her husband and have no ill will towards him i only knew him through her, he was only a part of my family through her, and because of that i will never take his side. i for see the same kind of thing happening to you. even though i'm sure her family loved you like a son and will continue to do so, that's their daughter, and if they are quality parents they will continue to be on her side because in their eyes she needs their support, and she probably does.

dark eyes	Just leave it be. There's enough turmoil in families going through divorce, that they don't need you making them choose between you and their daughter. It isn't going to change anything and, besides that...you'd be surprised how much her family does know. A friend of mine tried doing the same thing to his ex in-laws and it backfired big time. They told him he was cold, he didn't bother to try to get to know anyone, he always thought he was better than everyone else and that they were surprised that it lasted as long as it did.

Sapphires	Why do you care what your in-laws think of you? I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. You are going to be divorced anyway, and you probably will not have to deal with them hardly at all.

alialoggi	It bothered me too, and I eventually did call and they wouldn't talk to me, but I did say, "Thats fine, but I'm sure he didn't tell you that he's been having an affair for two years." So, I got out what I needed to say, and plainly, they will believe what he tells them, but it may help you to plant the seed. My only regret is that I didn't tell them that she was also a former stripper, but oh well. My attorney told me, day one, "Do you have a good relationship with your in laws?" I said no, he said, "Good, because you wont after this. Its standard. My friend had a great relationship with her in laws, he cheated, they divorced and mil was upset because her son wasn't part of the Christmas card. Eventually, you wont care much about what they think. Good luck.

JJ	They are not living your relationship. why bother!

mandi	What do you care what they think? Your not in that family anymore, let it go and start living your own life. Good luck

Beatngu	It isn't going to change anything.... you're the one that hurt their baby... They wouldn't even bother to listen.

mdass41	When it comes to blood family they will take the side of their loved one, always. Try to just get over it and not worry about the story. One day, sooner than you think, they will know what really happened. They might already know, in their minds, they are just trying to be supportive of their daughter. Don't tit for tat it's not worth it.

.................	I wouldn't keep it a secret. If she's running to them and bad mouthing you, there is no reason to keep your mouth shut. Set the record straight. When my husband and his ex divorced, he let his family think that it was mostly his fault (yes, he was partially to blame) and he never told his family that his ex cheated on him because he didn't want them to think poorly of her and he knew how much trouble it caused for him when she told people that he cheated, he wanted to be the bigger person and not run her name through the mud. I told his parents after we got married (a few years after they divorced) and it changed so much!

But a Disciple	Let sleeping dogs lie, unless you are going to be having regular contact with them, it doesn't matter.

Stick	No matter what you say, they will stay by her side. Leave it alone and let nature run its course. Take a deep breath. I have been in your situation. The lies eventually come out. They always do.

say it all...	You don't air your dirty laundry to your (ex) in-laws unless there is a good reason (like something that will harm them or put them in peril). Her parents could hear your side and still take hers...let it go, let them go, and keep working through it...

Red Letter	Do not involve them anymore than they are involving themselves. Of course she's lying. Break ups are not easy. At most, you could keep a journal documenting what actually happened. Keep it to yourself though.

tes	Nothing family always stick together and once it is over your going to be something from the past so keep your pride and respect and keep it to yourself

Ashley_G	It depends on a few things. 1. Do you have children together that might be affected by what she is saying to them? 2. Do you ever have to see them again after the divorce? 3. What really DID happen and what is she telling them? There are many ways to look at it. If she's saying you beat her and you never laid a finger on her...I would tell them. If she said you called her a ***** one day and you didn't, I would let it go. That kind of thing.

princess leah	hi not gonna from experience i have had 2 seperations, my husband screwed me for money for several years, i tried to tell his family about it but they wouldnot "hear" or rather accept anything that would put their son into a bad light, they all think he is the hero who can do no wrong they will never side with you over him, you are wasting your breath, hold your head high-if you are divorcing who gives a s*** what they think anyway???? ps you air all your dirty laundry as we say in the uk-embarrassing and unecessary-believe me you will regret it take care

M O	Why do you care? Thats the question Id like to ask. The inlaws came with the wife, when you divorce her, theyre gone. Who cares how many lies she feeds them.

Puzzled	Does it matter at this point? That is their daughter, they are going to side with her regardless of what you say to them. Just leave it alone and try another relationship when you are healed from this one. Good luck.

Sui	why are u bother about your reputation with them anyways its a lost battle u dont need to give justifications to anyone. but at the sametime u can tell them and dont statagize it just speak to them u too share a relationship with them atleast at a human level.

â™« Sweet Honesty â™«	Be the bigger person and let it go. It's hard now but in the future you will be glad you didn't create more drama.

â€¢â€¢â—‹ PitBuLL â—‹â€¢â€¢	I would just either write them a letter or call them up and say, Hey I just wanted you to know my side of the story~

Lefty's last stand	I tmakes no difference let it be. They will belive what they choose to belive nothing you say will change that I had a similar experience trying to explain only makes things worse much worse.

Julie H	Finish the divorce and then call her Mom and tell her your side of the story. Likely, they are going to side with their daughter anyway but if you think she has lied to them, it's time you told them the truth from your side.

Tryna-Hyde	why do you need your side of the story to be heard? ever thought of the fact that the apple don't fall that far from the tree? truth has it's own way of coming to the light, and most of us don't admit to it when we see it anyway. i call it a silent-glory. a little secret between you and your higher power. what they say and/or how they feel about your divorce isn't of their concern anyway.

rpetch007	you know the truth .. so dont let it bother you .. good luck mate please dont tell them as you will look bad if you do .ok

Short_and_Sweet	It doesn't matter what they think, they will take their daughter's side no matter what. Besides, they are soon to be EX in-laws, so who cares what they think? They are no one.

.	I agree with Norman.

Norman O	Why, what good will it do now? Put your time to more constructive uses.