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Why do couples break up after losing a child?
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Why do couples break up after losing a child?

Far too often you hear stories about couples who break up after they lose a child.
Don't people take their vows seriously anymore? What happened to the vow "for better or for worse"?

If you've lost a child, my condolences to you and your family. There's not enough words to replace all the pain in the world for your loss. If you experienced this, did you and your spouse stay together or did you break up? Share details.

It is usually because each person grieves different from the other. This adds added tension to the marriage. For example, if she wants to be with her husband through this and he wants to be left alone to grieve she feels like she is being ignored and he feels harassed.

Julie H
The reason is there is blame for the child's death. Another reason is if one parent is desperately grieving and the other seems to get over the child's death quickly. That is the time they reevaluate the marriage because of the situation. It doesn't have anything to do with "for better or worse."

Tully Mane
I don't have correct answer for this. I guess losing a child is trauma and people react in weird manner when they are in trauma. They might blame each other for whatever happened.
What I think is this trauma affects mother a lot more than father. Usually men can’t understand this and they can’t take wife’s reaction easily when already they are in pain.
But definitely these couples need counseling. After counseling they can have normal life together.

My son died when he was five months old. We were in our early 20's and had been married for 2 years. My whole world fell apart when he died. We both grieved in different ways and I wanted my husband to be their to support me but he was so wrapped up in his own grief that he couldn't be. I never blamed him for this as he had the right to grieve in his own way. We separated for a while and then I found out that I was expecting another baby that had been conceived before our son died. We got back together for the sake of the baby. In hindsight this was the wrong thing to do, as mentally we could not support each other. We were married for 21 years and had 3 more children but it was never the same, a part of us had died too and the void was just to huge to rebuild. We became friends rather than husband and wife. So in answer to your question, Unless you have been in the situation you will never know how you will react so it is unfair to say '' for better or for worse''. The death of a child is the worst pain that any parent will have to bare. It has been 30 years since my son died and it still feels like yesterday. The pain is not raw but it will be with me until the day I die.

Its the worst thing in the world!!! You almost feel like you need someone to blame and be mad at because of this unfortunate incident, and the closest person to you is your spouse. If you can keep from getting in the angry blame game phase, then chances are you'll stay together with some councelling and good communication between you two. I've heard great things about it... No one wants to outlive their children but when it happens, getting divorced is just salt on the wound =/

caramel wafer
i lost my oldest son to cot death 24 year ago,,my ex and i went on to have twins 4 years later,i took a total nervous breakdown when they were 3 mth old,remembering what had happened before,it all came flooding back,its never gonna be same again after losing a child,part of you dies also,but gradulaly life does move on and you come to terms with it.my ex and i stuck it out till my kids were 18mth old,then we split,it was too much to handle at time,,but as i say--live does move on,,i now have 3 lovley kids,,twins of 20 and a 9 year old daughter too

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