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Why does my husband talk about me and my family behind my back?
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Why does my husband talk about me and my family behind my back?

Twice now I have picked up my phone to discover that my husband has pocket dialed me - from his moms house - and both times he has been talking smack about either myself or my family. Typically we do pretty well, but this kind of call gets to me. Additionally, he is a caretaker for his disabled sister and so he is at his mothers house ALL the time. They are very close - abnormally close - and he consistantly talks to her about things that are truly none of her business. I don't know what to do as any time I say something to him about this he simply states "I'm sorry" in a really monotone, flat, insincere voice and moves on with his life. I am really upset since I know that if he is talking about me often enough that the two times he's pocket called me he must be doing it a lot more often. I don't know if I should just forgive him and move on, but this is an intolerable problem. I'm a decent wife; I don't talk about him and his family because I understand how bad it would hurt him if he found out. How can I get him to treat me with the same kind of respect, or should I just move on? He's my 2nd marriage and I really want to make it work, but it's hard when there is not a lot of trust. Please help! I have talked to him about this (Hence the I'm sorry as stated above). However, sometimes its good to get unbiased advice in regards to relationship woes. Further, it's nothing dirty with him and his mom, its just that his mom tends to showing up without calling, they talk 3+ times a day (even though he is there 2-3 times a day). I understand that this is his relationship with his mother and hope that someday my son loves and respects me just as much. I also hope that my son is able to have a normal, functioning marriage as well. There is a point in life that mothers are to let go and let their sons have their own family, and since my husband is almost 40 I think that the time has long since passed. I try to talk to him about this kind of thing and he shuts down to the point where it is one word answers only.







Violet
Rating
Tell him to grow up, be a man, and stop running to his mommy for help.


bandaid_46
If he has issues with you, why isn't he talking to you? And why aren't you talking to him, other than to complain about his talking behind your back? My guess is he doesn't know what to do, and is venting to his mother because he doesn't really have anyone else to talk to. He sounds DEPRESSED! BTW, what do you mean by "abnormallly close" - you make it sound - dirty, or something. I would think that if he and his mother are taking care of his disabled sister all the time, they would naturally be close. You two have some problems, and rather than being bent out of shape that he is talking to his mother, you should be talking to him and working to resolve these problems. It seems pretty clear that he doesn't feel safe discussing them with you. You need to change that.


kimh
You should have a serious talk with your husband about this problem. Do your family but in your marriage? Do your family show up at inconvenient moments? Do your family borrow money? Do your family come over and take over your home? Do your family disrespect your spouse and you just let them? Your family is annoying your husband and you should get down to the root of it or your marriage is not going to last. You have work to do?


nikkiii
this guy sounds like a douche. if he really loved you he'd want his mother to love you as well. my long time boyfriend's mother adores me, when other ex's mothers couldnt stand me. and those never lasted. family really does make a difference in personal relationships. if shes putting bad thoughts into his head, itll effect your marriage.


Paradisio
Rating
You and your family annoy him. Just my guess. It's messed up because its wrong and you have every right to be hurt.







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