how do i survive? how do i leave my husband?

northstar	Tiffany you have everything you need to not just survive, but to prosper. First, understand this, you are not trapped, go to a woman's shelter with the children and the clothes on your back. It might seem extreme, but believe me this is the best thing you can do for your schildren and yourself. Do it before you change your mind, because once you get out, and you get your mind clear, you will see that this man is abusive. As soon as possible go to the banks and get your credit card cancelled and do everything you can to make sure you are not further dragged into debt. It is time to put your kids first and be a great Mom which means you take care of you first, them second and everything else follows. Trust me, you will be able to not just survive, but prosper. put your faith in yourself, and value yourself, and understand that in a few years, this will simply be a bump in the road, but for today, leave with your children and go to the nearest shelter. It is amazing how many doors open when you allow yourself to trust your instinct. You are a smart woman, and very capable...remember that!

Angie	If you do decide to leave, you should at least have the child support order put on him. If he doesn't have a taxable income, he will still owe you that money. If he refuses to pay, it could mess up his credit, he could lose his license, all back support would add up so when he does have a taxable income, you will get the money plus back pay, and any tax return he gets will be yours. If he doesn't have a taxable income until after you kids are 18, he still owes the money to them. Even if this doesn't help you out now, it still kind of gets him back for all the BS he's putting you though now. As far as getting away now, try looking on the Internet, and doing research. There are many programs that are designed to help single moms get on their feet. You can find help with housing, income, and school if you choose to do it. What ever you find now might not be the situation you desire, but if you really are determined, you can turn your life around and be independent again. You and your kids deserve a better life. Good Luck.

Shun E	Honey....leave those kids with him and DISAPPEAR. Work as hard as you can and do whatever you have to do to get on your feet. Once you have done that, go back and get your children. Confide in your friends and family the mental abuse that you've suffered and when you go back to get your children, if he protests (which i doubt) you will have witnesses to the abuse and you can get your kids back. I'm telling you! This man knows that you feel trapped, BUT, if you assert yourself and get out in the world to make it for you and your children, you'll shock the heyll out of him and TRUST ME, in the long-run, your kids will know what you did was right....

LadyAngler	You are in a predicament aren't you? Is your husband abusive or just controlling? You need a job, your own bank account, your own car and a good attorney. Since you have none of that you need to contact your local women's shelter that helps abused women. They can give you a game plan to follow to leave him and get on your feet plus they can even let you stay at one of their shelters. Obviously you are able to get away from him for a while as you posted this question on the internet. My advice would be to start planning your getaway. First of all try to get a small passbook savings account set up in your name and start stashing cash. Try to get a part-time job. Try to document everything your husband does that causes you fear and in which he won't allow you any freedom. Find a good attorney who could give you advice. Also, stash a suitcase somewhere with clothes and items you can grab if one night it becomes violent and you need to make a run for it with your kids. Put copies of birth certificates, drivers license, etc. in it. Keep it well hidden. Plan out everything in advance before you actually leave him - because that's when guys like this turn violent - when they know you want out or you actually leave. Good luck. This should be a lesson to all women to keep their independence and their own bank accounts when they get married!

Dani	Research the women's shelters in your area. Many have a back to work program and will help you network to find a job. There will be a roof over your head and the heads of your children. Within a year, many women are back on their feet . And Hon, he certainly will pay child support or his butt will be in jail. It has nothing to do with his social. Don't let him feed you that line of crap. That is his biggest fear right now... that you will bail and he will be bound by law to pay support. And the law is very firm on dead beat dads. It's time for you to muscle up and flat out tell him youre not taking his sheet anymore. Good luck!!

twinkletoes	If you need to leave him, just do it. Don't think about the money issues. Trust me, it'll work out. Maybe you could leave with the kids in the day when he's not in. And take the car with you. When you reach your mom's or a friends's try and get a job asap. And send him divorce papers asap too. Hit him with the whole thing so quickly that his head spins, and he won't have time to react. The money issues will work out. I believe God provides for each of us. Try your best, and i'm sure you can make it. It won't be easy, but you and your kids will make it. All the best!

Mrs Miller	well that's a tough situation. is there no possible way to stay? you could live off welfare from the government if you had to until you were able to find something that could help you get on your feet financially. i dunno, it's kinda scary not knowing what to do. i wish i could help you more, just don't know your situation. if you believe in god, you should pray and ask for his help... he will answer! i hope it all works out!

áƒ¦yesáƒ¦	First---Read this quote: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. a return to love - marianne williamson _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Now go to the nearest Blockbuster and rent "Enough" starring Jennifer Lopez. Watch it. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ You can do this, just believe in yourself and get out of there! Life is too short to stick around where you don't need to be. It may be rough, it may be challenging, but if it is worth it at the end of the day, then you need to do it. For yourself, and for your children. I wish you the best.

Gator	There are ways to repair your credit and don't be so discouraged about the way things are right now . You may want to find some counseling in figuring out how to make things better for yourself, focus and plan your goals. Good luck !

twoballs662002	Well establish a way to put money aside without him knowing. Have a look in the area of work you do in another city or state. If you have a very true and honest friend that would help, it will be easier for you to adjust. I hope all they best to you and just remember family is important.

justbeingher	The courts are going to give you a settlement.

trapeze	Don't leave yet. Try to establish your independence again. Can you get a job without letting him know it's because you want to leave? Tell him it's because you want to provide more for the family, or something he'll believe. Then start your own secret bank account until you have your own money to live on your own. I know many friends who did it this way. It's okay to plan this out methodically. It's actually smarter. I also know friends who when they go shopping at Target, buy gift cards they put away. So the spouse doesn't know they're buying them. And that way when you are on your own, you can buy things with it later. You can do this at Home Depot stores, grocery stores. A little $25 extra on the bill can be written off as groceries. They don't know. Good luck!

lcamel2000	If it were me, I would go to my Mom's for a while. I would apply for HUD housing, food stamps, welfare. That way you will be able to help your mom out, and pay your way there, till the housing department approved you for housing. THEY pay the rent for you. Yes, it is a little embarrassing to have to do this, but you have children to think of, so you must tuck your pride away and ask for help till you get on your feet good. You CAN do it, just believe you can!!!!

BR	I would definately leave him. Yes, it will be tough at first but IT WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. The longer you wait the more difficult it will become. Why don't you start your own business on ebay while you work at another job? Get yourself a good lawyer. You should be entitled to 50%. Do not let him trick you into thinking that you will get nothing. That's BS!

Xetra Dax	Go to a women's network something for "domestic abuse". He might not be abusing you violently but he is definetely doing something along those lines. All of those women felt the same way as you. I think there is a 800 number too. For domestic violence. Just call them and ask for support. Say that he threatened to slap you and is financially dominating you. There. That will help. You want out of this marriage. So remember that money is not everything but work your way back up. You will gain your self respect. Pray to God too. That helps because opportunities will open. You will start to meet people who will help you along the way. Start the phonecall though. It will help you in tremendous ways. However dont sugar coat the truth. You know there is a good and valid reason why you want out of the marriage trap.

Lorenzo Steed	You didn't quite say WHY you want to leave him. Just because you have given up some independence? That happens to everyone who gets married. You don't mention love or kindness or abuse. Why do you want to leave him and can the relationship be reconciled?

kitty	look, u probably understand that leaving him in this situation would be impossible so i guess what u have to do now is to find a job try to save money so u would be able to leave in the end. even though it might take a while. Another opton is to find some guy who would help u out, but thats a very bad idea...very. If i were you id chose the first one. U have no one depend on in this world only urself, and ur kids need u. So be strong and i wish u the best of luck. im sure that if u really want ull be able todo that very very soon

YOUR JESTER	Stay and be on the look out for a new man. then leave him,and just because he can work without a social number doesn't mean that he cant be locked up for non support, plus it will only hurt him when it is time for him to retire if he works without a social number.

Beachgirl123	Tina Turner left with just her name, you can too. Sounds like to me that you already have nothing. What you need to do is contact a womens shelter and see if they can help you. I know you feel as though he won't pay child support, but guess what, he will. He won't get away with that. You have already had a career. You can do it again. Is it possible for you to start working and start saving your pay and then leave. Also, he thinks he has control. You allow it. You must take control of your own life. Really, noone has control over you but you. I know this seems like the end, but really it is the beginning. You will have so much more when you spread your wings and fly. Keep working and keep praying. I will pray for you too!

Jay J	Why do you have to take the kids if he is able to provide for them? You don't give any reason for leaving him and just state that you wouldn't have anything if you did, or any place or one to help you. So if it's just you that has a problem being married to him, that you feel you don't have everything you wanted, then you should just leave, don't drag you kids into a mess they don't need to be a part of. And I say this from experience. The one of the worse things my mother ever did was insist on taking us kids with us when she divorced my father. And she divorced him because she wasn't happy, then dragged us down with her. Edit: So basically you are saying that you are okay with stealing and lying to him, but think he is wrong for saying harsh things to you, which is why you want to leave. You don't say that he does or ever has treated your kids badly, either, just that you don't want to leave them with him. Sorry, but if you are the one who wants to leave, then leave. You already know there are shelters out there and that you could go to one. It would be easier to establish yourself away from your husband also if you did so by yourself. You could then try to get your kids once you have done so. But you either have them with you and put them through hell or leave them for a time with him. Choose the less selfish alternative.

~SweeT~	all you can do is start from the bottom up. If you have to start off on welfare, do it. Be sure to get an education so you can eventually support your kids with or without his help.

?	Either way the best thing you can do for yourself mentally and emotionally is too leave him. Try selling things or hold a yard sale while he's away. Make some extra cash to get by and then pay for the ride to your mom's house.

Pipe L	wow, maybe you should consult an attorney and not us

Kurina K	you really dug yourself a big whole, but like any whole this one can be filled up. You need to start slow and keep your faith. Sit down with a family member/friend and plan out your every move. it'll be hard, but there is no such thing as impossible.

nanny	There are organizations out there that will help you. Are you in danger? Some police departments have people trained to help women in such situations. Talk to friends, find someone you can trust. Without knowing more about your situation, it's hard to guide you. Public organizations will help you as well. See someone in a local county office and ask them what they can do for you. There is always a way!!

Naked In The Rain	find another man, after you found him leave this guy

ClaireB	while hes at work go and see a solicitor. they can help you. your entitled to half.

urbanrebel23	Why are you leaving?

Allison E	You're a victim of domestic violence. Being controlling is a huge part of being an abuser, even if you aren't being injured. Call your local domestic violence center. They can help get you out and get you the support you'll need. Good luck.

Capt. Frank	Maybe you should tell us why you want to leave him. That would help.