how do i tell him i dont want to get married?

holeeycow	marry him

D.C	Ignore your family because they're not the one that'll be living with him. The important thing is know how you feel about him deep inside. If you don't see you two spending a lifetime together than I say don't marry him. Sure he's a great guy, but you get to decide.

Cathy C	I went through this once and almost went ahead with the wedding out of guilt. Invitations were just about to go out when I finally got the guts to pull the plug. Think of this: if you marry, you will be miserable and then eventually he will be as well, and I know you don't want that. Then you'll be trying to figure out how to get OUT of the marriage you didn't want in the first place...possibly with children in the picture. There are two lives involved here...yours and his...together or separate. Don't mess around on this one ---- it's a huge step to marry (at least it should be).

theadesmoines	Your parents put money out??? On what?? Are they trying to auction you off? Don't ever marry anyone unless you really want to. Just tell him, "Thanks but no thanks." Maybe he doesn't want to get married either and is getting pressure from his parents.

btceng64	Look him dead in the eyes and say "I don't want to get married" By the way, tell your parents to piss off, it is your life.

Andrew	Just tell him. There is no good way to break someone's heart but doing it directly, quickly and without a bunch of game-playing is a better way than most.

Lindsay Jane	Perhaps you have cold feet.You must sit down and talk to him about this and tell him how you feel.He may even feel the same .Its possibly the pressure you are under ,last minute doubts etc.

ndnqt1966	If you don't love him...aren't in love with him...Don't marry him...it will be only a matter of time that you will be here on yahoo asking advise about getting a divorce. To hell what your parents are saying...they aren't engaged to him.

EazyBreezy	You say "Sorry, I really don't want to marry you" Who cares what anyone else thinks? (yes, that even goes for your parents) Why do people make things so complicated???

Melissa S	Your parents don't have to live with or sleep with him. If you are having doubts about loving this man, then you are not in love with him. It's something that's either there or it's not. Don't choose a comfy loveless life. Go for the True Love and when you find it trust me you will know.

Hey you	You know that you have to tell him. Even if the wedding is tomorrow. Just give all the gifts back. This happens more then you know. There could be a possibility that he feels this way too. Thinking the same way that you are but worried he'll break your heart. If you tell any guy you don't want to marry him, usually there all for it. Guys really don't like thinking about being married. I'm sure he'll love to know how your feeling. Lets us all know what happened after you tell him.

missmuffin	YOU are the one who would have to live with him forever, so it's not up to your parents, it is up to you. The only way to tell him is to just tell him. Do it the kindest way that you can, but do it!!! Make sure to include, "It wouldn't be fair to either one of us to be married to someone who would be happier with someone else." Marriage is supposed to be forever, so marrying the right guy is so VERY important, not how much money has been laid out.

nickipettis	The sooner the better. It is MUCH easier and cheaper to cancel a wedding than to get a divorce. Tell him that you just can't get married now; that you don't think it is the right thing for you right now. Wich him well, but keep repeating that you can't get married right now. Do not promise that you will feel like getting married in X months. If your parents are upset, you are sorry, but you realize that this is not the right thing for you to do. DON'T TRY TO EXPLAIN -- just keep repeating it.

Just gorgeous dahling	If you don't love him now, marriage will DEFINITELY not help with that. You should have a strong bond and strong feelings of love and devotion for anyone you would potentially marry. Looks fade, money comes and goes but a marriage needs love-- unconditional love. You need to do what's in your heart. Forget about your parents, your friends, or anyone else who is trying to tell you to stay with him. You know what's in your heart. If you don't love him now, you will make your life and his miserable for a long time. Don't do it.

CountTheDays	'I think we can save a lot of heartache and money. Let's not get married.'

LJG	First of all, ignore the parental "I spent a lot of money" guilt trip. Are you kidding? Money does not make up for love, and THEY don't have to live with him. Think deeply about your doubts (you may have already done this, but in case you haven't...)... if your change of feelings is simply that you don't have fireworks going off in your stomach every time the phone rings, it not be that you don't love him "like you did"-- love matures with time, and although the fireworks would be great all the time, it doesn't always happen that way. If your doubts are more about compatibility, personality, sharing interests, habits-- then you owe it to yourself AND to him to back out for awhile. You never know, the same thing might be happening to him and he doesn't know how to tell YOU. So HOW do you tell him? Unfortunately, there is no easy way. I have no idea how old you are or how long you've been together, but the best thing to do is to be honest. It can be very confusing to say to someone, "I love you, but I don't want to marry you." (easily getting the response, "If you love me then you SHOULD marry me!") So you need to explain that your feelings have changed and you don't want to take a step as big as marriage until you know it's the right one because marriage should be forever, and you want to go into it with a clear head and a real purpose. Don't know how far off the wedding is, either-- but worst case scenario, think of Princess Di. Doubts on the last night-- ignored so she didn't disappoint others, and totally miserable in her marriage most of the time. Tell your folks you'll pay them back if you have to. Getting this right is SO much more important than the money. Good luck, sweetie.

p_l_gray	Try this.... "I don't want to get married"

MKC	No matter how much they have paid, it is not as expensive as a divorce. If you are absolutely sure that you don't want to marry him, then do him a favor and tell him. Make sure that it is not just the nerves that most brides face. If you honestly don't love him and are not the person for him, save him the pain of a failed marriage.

Slim Whitman	pre-wedding jitters? or it just ain't gonna work are two very different things. a lot of young couples see a future with someone and when the day get's closer cold feet start to occur. You need to sort off the cold feet from the show stoppers. If there are show stoppers, ie drug use, abuse, then don't walk away, run. If not, easy does it. Consider what is driving your emotions right now. Fear. Fear of an uncertain future with someone you likely barely know. It takes risks to have a life. and marriage is a big one. Is the message "someone, but I don't think it's me" coming from your fear or low self concept? if so, maybe you ought to try some pre-marital counseling.

Kitty	Just tell him. There's no gentle way to break someone's heart. You just have to be honest. Re-pay your parents, and be done with it.

sarah kay	just say to everybody you need more time to think more about this. unfortunately your parents won't be the ones living with him, i f they like him so much let them marry him. you need some time to relax and think again. why don't you take a trip with a girlfriend or something?

Kathy R	Do what's best for you...to hell with what everyone else is saying. You don't want to live with that kind of mistake for the rest of your life or have it wind up in divorce.

Brian F	I think you should tell him exactly what you said in your question. Your parents will just have to get over it. Ask them if they really want their daughter to marry someone she doesn't love just because they do love the guy.

KC	don't let your parents boss u about 4eva. do what your heart tells u, not your parents.

Benji's Mommy	There is no easy way. Money should be the last thing to be considered here. Just be clear and concise, and tell them all that this is your decision, and you hope they will respect your feelings.

rockabilly.betty	don't listen to what your parents say...listen to your heart..as corny as that may sound but its true..your parents aren't going to be with this person for the rest of their lives therfore its not their decision...your happiness is more important than how much your parents wasted on your wedding..marriage is a commitment you can't go into it already knowing you don't love the other person..i don't mean to sound rude but if you go half as.s on this decision you will in turn go half as.s on your life!

kiya	By just saying,i don't want to marry you anymore. Be careful you might not be able to find another GOOD MAN like that again. It's hard.

solomonfever	Well, you're parents are already married to each other! They shouldn't be a deciding factor in who you spend the rest of your life with. Trust me, if you are getting bad vibes, explore them. It may be jitters or it could be real issues which cannot be locked up in a dark closet because one day, 5 yrs into your marriage..that old door will burst open. So take your time, do what's best for you..no hurry to marry. you have the rest of your life to do that and if he truly loves you..he'll be there.

moonchild	So sad. You should have thought of this before you said yes now you are going to break his heart. Your parents may like him but you are the one who has to live with him. You are just going to have to sit him down and tell him. You are going to have a lot of people mad at you. Are you sure? If you just started feeling this way you are just scared. Are you sure it isn't pre- wedding jitters?

Mignon F	This is a tough one. How close is it to your wedding? If it's really close it could be that you're getting nervous about being married. If you still have many months it's possible your parents could get most if not all of their money back. I personally would not get married to someone if I wasn't IN LOVE with him. You may want to try talking with the clergy/priest/reverend (whoever is marrying you) and see if they can help you through this hump.