how much of an issue is trust?

cesselove	I think you can love someone and not totally trust them. If you didn't love them you wouldn't be giving him a chance to rebuild your trust. I would just pray about it. look for tell signs. I know what your going through and I know you can tel when he's cheating. You don't have to put up with it. either he wants to rebuild or he doesn't. he shouldn't even have any female friends he's on probation until you trust him again

dansing247	no.

ladylady4470	Never wise to stay for the kids...sorry...You are teaching them it is OK to live unhappy and it is OK to live with someone who cheats and, they are not learning what true love is....

ductapguy	trust is probably the biggest issue and you don't want your kids with a dad like that, I used to have a friend that's dad cheeted on her mom, now she has become a brat, but I'd give him a month to give up the other girl or you'r leaving him

RSJ	A relationship is not healthy if you don't have trust. No, you can't really love someone you can't trust. Not whole-heartedly. You know that you're going to hold back. Personally, I would not be able to stay with someone who has cheated and lied.

suckafree	Trust is the biggest issue. Leave him. He is a liar and a cheat. He may teach your kids to be liar and a cheat.

specky	no. staying because of the children may teach your children lying and cheating is acceptable. would you want them to be in this kind of relationship when they are adults...

me1085	Honestly, I think you could love someone you dont trust but your relationship is really not healthy. Especially if you're constantly thinking and worrying about him being unfaithful to you. More importantly, the reason for you staying in a relationship/marriage should not be because of children. Not saying that your children know what's going on with you and your spouse, but children do pick up on un happiness and issues in the home. You may not want your children to pick up on the issues and/or anger associated with you and your spouse's relationship. Even if you guys decide to split, you two can still be involved in your children's lives and they'll still know that mommy and daddy care for eachother. But back to you two...Talking is a great thing to do, but if you feel like he'll continue to lie to you like he has in the past then maybe you two should sit down and figure out where your marriage goes from here. Hope this helps! I wish you all the best.

Christina	it is hard because thats all you are going to think of, is he cheating and is it ok for him to talk to this girl. I had the same problem kind of. heres what you do. pop your head in at lunch time and surprize him and if he is happy to see you and introduces you to her then it is ok. but if he hides and is not exicted to see you then he may be cheating on you or thinking about cheating on you. I know it is hard but you have to try to trust him, it all depends on how long it has been. if it is fresh then it will take time to trust him but if it has been years you ahve to get over it and trust him if he has been doing good and not done anything since then. goodl uck.

Bethany	Trust is essential to a healthy and fulfilling relationship so if you don't trust your husband then it is time to get a divorce because remaining together for the sake of the kids will only prove destructive to them as well as to you. If you decide to continue in this marriage please understand that you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. You have a serious decision to make and I certainly hope you make the right one which is to end this dishonest and unhappy marriage and get on with your life in a more positive manner.

openminded	NO NO NO NO! Get your kids and yourself out. Trust is #1. Let some other girls have him. I did! And so far he is on girl friend #8 and me and my kids are happy!!!!

LindaLou	I believe that trust is a component of love. Would you (and would he?) consider going into couples therapy? You have a marriage and you have children, which is a heavy investment. Maybe it's worth one more shot. If he's willing to go with you in couples therapy, I would see that as a ray of hope. Otherwise, the relationship appears empty to me. I agree with those who say do not stay in the relationship for the sake of the children. This is about you and your husband. Sometimes as people get older they become more responsible and do the right things. Not often, but I think it's worth seeing a therapist to see if there isn't something left for the two of you to work on. All the Best of Luck. LindaLou

Helena	Trust is a huge part of love if you can't tyrust him then maybe you guys could take a weekend away from eachother or go on vacation (if you can afford it if not stay home for a while). Or even keeping a close eye on him like surprise vissting him at work. but turst is very important

katalah	yes, you can love someone you don't trust, but, you can not have a healthy relationship without trust. you still have some issues to work out about his past conduct, rightfully so, but at some point you have to forgive and learn to trust him or move on...those really are you're only 2 choices. here's the thing...if he feels like you don't trust him, then he is going to live up to those expectation, but, if you reinforce how much you have come to trust in him, now more then ever, he will truly think twice before breaking that trust, unless he's an ***...in which case, good riddance.

flyingdove	without trust there IS NO relationship

Maalru3	Trust is EVERYTHING!!! If you don't have it, then you don't have a relationship. If he knows you are uncomfortable about this women, then he needs to be an open book about everything he does. It takes a long time to learn to trust again, but you will never do that until he gives you honesty. He has to earn your trust. He lied and desicrated your vows, now he needs to be VERY open about his life if he wants to fix this. It is not just your problem, it is a problem that he created. If you are feeling like this, all it is going to do is break down your self esteem and make you insecure. cheaters don't cheat because they aren't getting what they need at home, they do it to boost their own ego's, oand are selfish. They like the thrill of getting cought, but don't calculate the consiquences. NEVER stay in a relationship just for the kids, they can sence things, and a non trusting set of parents isn't going to be a better environment then a parent who is dedicated to them and their own happiness. You deserve better then to stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in, with the excuse of kids. You gave him those kids, the biggest gift on the face of this earth. Don't live a life where you are not happy. You deserve to be loved and cherrished and honesty. I'm not telling you to leave, but if you are not happy and can not forgive, and are constantly afraid he will do it again, that is not healthy for you or the kids. He not only cheated on you, he cheated on them, and you need to protect them, even if it means leaving him. They may not understand now, or be mad at you, but they will get over it when they see you are a whole happy person again. Or you are going to have to learn how to trust and forgive. Good luck hun, trust me I feel your pain, but it is a pain I chose to leave. It was hard, but I'd rather be happy and alone, then together and miserable.

kibye	Wow.......cheating is the beginning of an end of what God put together. Any kids?

bartzan41	Trust is hard earned and easily broken. You can truly love a person, even though they have cheated. But it is much harder to live with them, never really knowing if they are still doing it. You will always have doubt in your mind. You have two choices. You can give ultimatims, scream and yell, and leave him. Or you can relax, enjoy your relationship, and know that no matter what he does, he comes home to you!

peace	I think trust is what would make or break a relationship for me. I would not stay with a person I did not trust... forget about the healthy relationship, there's all sorts of diseases out there so I would get out cause I would be concern about my health... esp. if I had kids cause they need their parents around.

Virginia B (John 16:33)	Yes, you can love someone you don't trust. No, you cannot have a healthy relationship without it. Trusting each other is more important that anything in a marriage. When someone betrays that trust, it causes a "domino" effect. Everything they say or do causes you to question their motives. Since he's lied to you in the past, you have every reason to suspect his motives in this instance. Trust has to be earned, not taken for granted.

Ice	>>can you really love a person you dont trust and can u reallly have a healthy relationship witthout trust? No. Trust is the basis of any good relationship. Hard to build, easy to lose, and almost impossible to re-establish.

Kernel Debugger	without trust & faith everything will fail.... but before loosing the trust have a solid evidence..... then go out.... dont be afraid.... you had given him a chance... its enough.....

KATIEKAT	WELL, I BELIEVE TRUST IS EVERYTHING. WITHOUT IT YOUR A NERVES WRECK. EVEN IF THERE 5 MINS LATE YOUR MIND IS WONDERING. WHERE THEY ARE. WHY ARE THEY LATE ARE THEY WITH SOMEONE, THE THING IS IF HE WAS BOTHERED ABOUT HIS PAST CHEATING THEN HE WOULD THINK ABOUT YOU FIRST NOT JUST CHAT AWAY. HE WOULD BE REASSUREING YOU. IF YOUR SAYING IF YOU HAD NO CHILDREN YOU WOULDNT BE WITH HIM, THEN THAT SEEMS TO SAY YOU DONT LOVE HIM, & IF THAT IS THE TRUTH THEN DONT WASTE YOUR LIFE JUST FOR THE KIDS, DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU, GOOD LUCK.

Serendipity	No, you cant. Without trust, there's nothing. He's a LIAR and hes not worth it. On a different note, there needs to be love in a relationship as well. Remember, you're doing this for the long term and u have to remember the significance of urself besides your children. Confront him about it and tell you how you feel. But if you do not have feelings whatsoever for him anymore, then its better not to hold on to this relationship. It'll hurt the children either way but through co-operation and respondence if u split, itll work out. He'll be a bad role model for ur kids as well.. not a responsible, real father figure. My mum held on to a relationship because of the kids for a long time.. and this only caused thing to spiral out of hand. True, parents divorcing had a huge and rather unpleasant impact on us kids.. but in the long run it seems to work out for the better. Good luck!

Chris Z	Well this are the two options,cheat on him your self and find true love(keep it a secrt)you onliy have 1 life brown_eyes .if he finds out well, 2shey husband.Option 2 get a divorce the kids could live with u and visit their dad evey monday and firday or something.They will be sad for a wil its sad .But most of my friends parents got devors 10 or close to 10. Well their is a tird option confrunt him tell him that this is herting u and may start to haert the kids.If it doest work option 1&2 fit perfekly.

litlbigdg	TRUST IS HUGE!! YOU SAID IT YOURSELF IN THE QUESTION ABOVE - SO, WHY ARE YOU REALLY HESITATING? ASK HIM, SPELL IT OUT AND MAKE HIM REALIZE THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TOLERATE THIS BEHAVIOR!! IF HE HAS CHEATED IN THE PAST - THAN I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD QUESTION IT - WHAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHY YOU ARE TOLERATING IT. IT IS NOT ONLY TRUST - BUT WHEN HE LIES/CHEATS HE IS DISRESPECTING YOUR MARRIAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOU!!! DONT LET HIM DO IT - MAKE IT WORK WHATEVER WAY YOU CAN AND DONT USE THE CHILDREN AS AN EXCUSE. THEY ARE SMARTER THAN YOU THINK AND THEY MAY ALREADY SENSE THAT SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT. IF THEY DONT ALREADY KNOW IT - THEY WILL EVENTUALLY AND I AM SURE YOU DONT WANT TO TEACH THEM THAT THIS IS SOMETHING "NORMAL" IN A MARRIAGE. BELIEV IN WHO YOU ARE - AS YOUR HUBBY SHOULD - AND STAND UP FOR WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART.

linav88	You can love a person without trust, you can stay married to someone you don't trust, but it's not a real "relationship". It's convenience, or whatever.

crystal s	if your huseben is gona do this to i think you should just tell him you need a vacation alone.

yosi22	no trust equal no relationship. and yes you can love some oone and not trust the. by the way nop healthy relationship can happen with out total trust

?	..C'mon now! You already know this answer!! Trust is EVERYTHING, and if you dont have it, you have NOTHING! Once a cheater, always a cheater, PERIOD!