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husband hiding financial trouble from me!!?
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husband hiding financial trouble from me!!?

just found a letter today in the mail, from our mortgage company (mortgage in hubbys name). It says our mortgage is 90 days overdue. We have only owned the house for a year. We got a good deal on it- two weeks after we bought it we had our second child (shes a year now). I was a student (I'm 26) when I got pregnant, and was in school full time with a student loan paying for school, which is why my name is not on the mortgage. He makes good money, and has told me I should stay home with the kids (where we live daycare costs SO much money it's not possible for me to work to make any money). So, stay home I did. I actually got a job for a couple months but the daycare was costing so much I was hardly making any money after taxes, daycare, and transportation. So, hubby and I talked about it and he said I should quit, as he made enough money for us to be fine. As he put it- "It will be tight, but we'll be fine and still be able to do family things with our extra money". We have been needing a new vehicle for months now, ours is about to die on us. He keeps putting it off saying he wantsd to drive ours till it DOES die then buy a new one- which I was fine with (might as well drive it till we can't anymore and save a few car payments!). He likes to spend money a lot, just little things that add up- his fishing tackle, hockey, baseball, going out for lunch at work, that sort of thing. We are due to get married in 3 weeks. Now that I am finding out that he has not been paying the mortgage and we are in arrears (it happened when we first bought the house, and we got it paid up really quickly- we just didn't realize how financially difficult a house with two kids would be). However, he hid it from me that time too. Basically we are in debt (other than our regular mortgage) from student & personal loans, and arrears on our mortgage. I am trying to figure out a way to sort it all out and get it taken care of. I am seriously considering calling off the wedding because I DO NOT want to be lied to about something as huge as possibly losing our home- especially since we have 2 kids!! How can I make some extra money from home to pay down this debt? I am pretty frugal (cloth diapering, nursing the baby, store brand foods, second hand clothing, walk when possibel to save gas money, that sort of thing!) I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do about this debt, let alone our relationship. Help! Has debt caused anyone elses relationships to end? I am freaking otu and sick to my stomach over this. The worst part is that I'm not surprised... hurt and crying because it's so frustrating that he is so financially irresponsible. I want to take over finances to make sure things get paid, but he says there is no way he's letting me do that.







coffee_pot12
Rating
NO wedding... You must be the adult and take control of the finances NOW... Nothing in your name since he has screwed everything up.... Get all the bills together and do a pay book acct system and put him on an allowance... You might be able to save things if he is wiling to work with you instead of against you.... It is you and 2 kids while he is doing whatever... he either hands over the finances for you to manage or I would start packing... Been there done that so I learned the hard way....


?
I started reading your post and i knew that you would be leaving him or some crap and sure enough your calling off the wedding . That is so typical of woman today . Being i said what i said i hope you can see why he isn,t telling you because he knew you would react this way just as i did and i don,t even know you . So now that the guy is hurting for money just as most of us are doing today, your going to cause more problems on top of the one he already has ,real good thinking . Being your a stay at home mom you need a stay at home job . Why not try selling your unwanted items on EBay or better yet craigslist its free to use and getting bigger every day . People will even pick up items so it cost you nothing . My friend looks for close outs buys items cheap and resales them on craigslist . Once you get the knack for it you can make a small fortune but don,t just sit then and cry what good are you and what good is it to fight with him


Jennifer
Rating
Maybe you should call off the wedding. Not only are weddings expensive (or they can be) but if he can't be responsible before your married what do you think will change once you have signed the papers? You need to sit down with him and have a very important conversation! i know that the house is in his name but if you are going to be married then you should both be aware of the finances. Good Luck


AnJi
You have a right to be concerned... This man is out blowing money instead of being responsible and keeping a roof over his family's head! How irresponsilble... Sounds like financial and (pre)marital counseling are long over due... I wish you luck.


Deanri
Look, my best friend has gone through the same thing with her husband over the last 4 years. She would find out about payments he hadn't made, loans he had taken out without her knowledge, and all kinds of money would go missing. Now she has come to find out he has taken out tons of loans in the last year with his parents co-signing, without her knowledge. So she has finally had enough and is divorcing him. You do not want to go into a marriage where there is no trust. A marriage has to be between two people that handle things like adults and respect each other enough to tell each other the truth, even when things are bad. It sounds like you don't have that. I have watched my friend go through hell for 4 years. You should sit down and have a serious talk about this. You don't want to have to spy and investigate your own husband to find things out, that is ridiculous. Think long and hard about whether you should go forward with this wedding. Best of luck.


â„¢Its Yoda McFluffykins(my cat)
I dont know how you can sort all of this out with no cooperation from him, but I say you dont need to marry him. One of the biggest things that people need to discuss before marrying is finances, your the frugal one and he is the big spender. You two are supposed to agree on finances. He is not helping the situation. Money is one of the top 5 causes relationships end. He probably doesnt want you to take over the finances so things can get paid because he might be hiding more things from you. CALL OFF THE WEDDING while you still can.







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