if you find out your husband have a 6yr old and you have been married 12yrs what do you do and he has cheated?

Î±Î·Î¹Ð¼Î±â„“	If the child was from before you were married. I wouldn't be upset,as it's not really cheating,nor lying as you never asked him if he had a kid.

Victor	After reading all these answers, good luck in making your decision.

Doc Phil	i would rather live with someone i trust but don't love than live with someone i love but don't trust

CatNip	You should have left him the first time he cheated on you. So, what do you expect of his behavior. A cheating dog doesn't change.

brokenheart	Cheater always said to wife: I am so sorry I will never do it again. And after months or years they will do it again for sure...............hheehhehehehe

K8	I would leave. He is not to be trusted, therefore one of the cornerstones of your marriage has crumbled. He has broken his vows.

Jasmin	once a man cheats on you no matter how much he says he's sorry he'll do it again if he's forgiven! don't conceal your anger! show him how he mad you angry and upset! that's the least you can do

Liz	You obviously don't mind being married to a cheater, otherwise you would have done the sane thing and left him a long time ago.

Quixotic	What would I do? Get divorced. Do the math. If you just found out, he's been lying to you for at least 6 years. You say he's cheated before so it seems to be a trend.

will i cya	Well don't take it out on the child, cause he or she has nothing to do with that. Your husband on the other hand, you need to kick his butt. Put a little fear in him!

Racer	Yeah... they all seem to "change" once they get caught. He'll continue cheating on you....so, it's up to you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this ... with this type of man.... one that doesn't love or respect you?? Because if he did... he would never have cheated.

Jenn	All men who have been caught cheating say they have changed. Do you want to be supportive of him for the next 12 years while he has visitation and pays his child support to this child? This will be a constant reminder of what he did to you!

mabuntle	forgive him if he shows any remorse and if you still want to stay in this marriage but talk about it and see if you can trust him again after all this make it clear that he has decresed the trust you have and he has to build it up again through his behaviour in future

honest girl!	Seems like you were the typical woman that turned a blind eye to his cheating. Who knows he probably has other kids scattered around the place. He's only saying that he has changed to make you feel better, and if you believe that then you are a bigger fool.

Michael	Hiya Cheated On ... And the question for you is ... How much more can you take? How many more lies will he tell, and, the feeling is, he is a continual pathological liar, full of promises, full of giving false hopes, and a master of manipulation ... Do you really need an opinion poll? You have too good a heart, however, there comes a time in your life, when you must say to yourself, "Enough is enough !" Time to make a decision, for he will not leave, for he knows he is on an easy-ride with you ... Enough is enough, I wish you well, Yours in Peace and Goodwill, Michael ... lol :)

Tell it like it is...	This is only something you can decide. You know how much your heart can handle. I believe people can change but only if they want to and take the first step. If you decide to forgive him, you will have a long road ahead of you to heal and to truly forgive. I am all in favor of marriages working things out but I do suggest couples counceling and single counceling for you and him. Good luck

Mommy of 2	Well, personally I would be so disgusted by him that I wouldn't even need help with this one. I would divorce him, let him know what a horrible 12 years it has been and be done!! No one deserves that and if you say that he was a habitual cheater than I'd say that should give you more than enough strength to leave him. SOME MEN can change, others will always just be dogs!! Please accept that your husband most likely will NEVER change, so move on with your life you deserve happiness.

Doug Steponin	Get counseling and decide if he is the person you want to be with. When a person cheats it is VERY difficult for them to stop. Many do and many do not. Earning that trust takes time, patience and a 100% commitment from both people. If you can start with forgiveness, you may be able to move on to trust. It is up to him to earn trust. It is up to you to give the forgiveness. Take some time for yourself and trust your intuition.

bandaid_46	Get tested for STDs. Then decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life living with a cheater. If he has been caught before and you have forgiven him, and now he has cheated again, do you really think he has changed? Of course, if you like the idea of living with a "repentant" man, and replaying this sad scenario over and over, that is up to you.

Diane's Free to Breathe Again	Obviously, your husband had an affair 6-7 years ago. You need to realize that it is not the child's fault that he exists. The child is innocent, so try and be supportive for the child's sake. Your husband may have changed since that time, but that is for you to decide. Has your husband had a DNA test to verify that this child is truly his. If not, than he needs to do so. My brother-in-law went through this and the child wasn't really his........so be careful. Even if the child isn't really your husband's, what is going on that he feels the need to cheat? Get counseling to find out the source of the problem. Cheating is only a symptom of a deeper issue. Good luck

E&L	Question is - do you want to stay with the man EVEN if he has reformed himself?!? Second question you need to ask yourself, how long has he kept this child a secret from you??? If he has been deceiving you of not only an affair of 7 years ago, but a pregnancy/child all that time then I think you need to part ways with any dignity you have left. If it was a fling that took her 6 years to track him down for child support, then you must look at his total track record over the last 12 years. He may claim to have 'changed', but what in your marriage caused him to change??? If he (or you) do not feel your marriage has become stronger and he truly has reformed then there is no reason to stay marriage and wait for the next time.

Notyme4BS	It's not always smart to walk out on a 12 year marriage...no matter the reason. The child really isn't the big issue because it is already here and it's proof that he cheated 7 years ago. I'm telling you from experience, I cheated on somoene and she found out 4 years later. I hadn't cheated on her or even looked at a woman in 4 years. Our relationship ended weeks before our marriage. It hurt both of us, most importantly it has hurt her. I later married and 10 years later she's still single & admittedly trying to find a man like me. You have to ask yourself that if you had not found out about this child would you will love your husband and want to be with him. If the answer is yes...then let it go.

Gloâ˜…	You do what is best for you. That is what you do. Decide what is in your best emotional interest. Is this something you are willing and able to forgive? That is a question that only you can answer. I would give it some serious time and consideration; I would listen to what he has to say. Only because you do need clarification through communication regardless of your decision. And keep in mind these were and are his behaviors he was very selfish in his decisions. And most unfortunate is you and this child have to deal with the consequences of his behaviors as well any children the two of you have. Good luck

Nicola	It seems he hasn't changed at all, he got caught once again so if I were you I would deeply consider seeking another life that does not involve a person that isn't faithful and loves only you. He needs to prove on his own that he has changed ALL his ways. Tell me, when did you find out that he has a child with someone else? Doesn't he clearly understand that his child will be forever confused why their family isn't together and they aren't normal? Their father lives somewhere else? How does one do this? This is the problem I deeply have with women who's partners are married or with someone else already. Why is it they can't fix the relationships or walk away? Why is it they can't just leave the singles alone and work on their own lives? They are changing the way the world is suppose to be run...families aren't family anymore. Women are faithful, men won't consider being faithful, it's cool to have more than one woman but the structure of the family suffers, the kids are toren apart in their hearts, minds and souls and we wonder why they do drugs, drink and even run away. I hope that you guys don't have kids because his example has destroyed what men in relationships are suppose to act and be. It is clearly up to you and how much more of abuse you are willing to put up with. He needs to be confronted and he needs to make a chose today and be done with it but his other family will always be there, no running from a child you need to raise and if you have the heart and patience to stay in your marriage, please open your heart up to the other child and show how much love you have because it does take a village to raise a child....

ramblinrose117@yahoo.ca	This is hard on you hon. But you have to decide if you love your husband e-ought to make your marriage work for it has been 6 yr.s almost 7 counting her pregnancy.It's not the out of wedlock child fault but I would make him have a D.N.A. test to make sure it is your husbands child for sure.You never said if you and your husband have to pay child support for this child of 6 yr.s old,But I would get the testing done just in case. Now about your marriage and him cheating while he was married to you. It takes a self covenant lady to forgive her husbands deceptions and he's older now.So don't throw away your marriage of 12 yr.s for you must have children together I don't know .But I would believe your husband has changed for they really do.If you still love him then please forgive his deceptions for your settled in your home and your husband never left you so right there it tells me he is in love with you too! I would have ever give him one more chance why throw your mate into other women's arm save your marriage by forgiving him 1 last time and if he does cheat again then have him go to counseling with you for this may stem back to his childhood plus you will know for sure if your husband has gotten help and is really changed for the better .If you have a big heart and still love your husband forgiveness is the best way to be.As for his child after you find out if this child his his or not ..If it is I would invite his child into your life's for the child needs a father to love even if your not the mother you would make a great step mom .. Blessings xo

The Difference	Anyone with basic math skills can tell he cheated while you were married. Its obvious he has a history and you have forgiven him in the past, the question is do you love him enough to get him help, fight for this marriage and eventually forgive him? People are quick to say divorce, but I would also like to point out a victim other than you, this child. It is his blood child and should not be at a loss because of his bad choices. if you decide to try to work it out also look into your heart to accept this child or at least make sure the kid has a healthy relationship with him. Maybe its also time to renew your vows so its a fresh start with newe understanding of what marraige and honor is. you can be "The Difference" in his life, your life and that of this child.

sharad n	When you stumbled upon a skeleton in the cupboard, naturally it would have pulled the rug out from your feet. You husband has really cheated you by sweeping such an illicit liaison under the carpet and thus treating such a raw deal with your emotions. Now the situation is like water under the bridge. You can not do anything to undo the fact that he is father of a child. You have only to come to terms with this reality and warn him that he will not get second chance in future to get away with any such cheating. I know this is no punishment to his guilt - you can not mend your heart which is once broken to pieces. Anyway, it's life. Please try to take this trauma in your stride and smile even through the difficulties. You have to keep your chin up come what may.