my ex wont pay maintainance should i let him see my child?

Tracy Halford	thanks for your opinions. i know he goes to the pub weekly as he chooses to call to speak to my daughter after a few pints.we were unmarried when our daughter was born,so has no legal parental responsibility for her.he changed his name by deed poll leaving my daughter with the same surname as nobody.and i dont recieve benefits of any kind so now work extra shifts to pay my way and my taxes pay his benefits!!

opinionated	the law separates these two issues. not paying support,does not justify denying visitation. he lives a 4 hour drive from you,how do you know he is in a pub every week? maybe his new wife's parents paid for the marriage.

Mai C	The two (seeing the child and paying maintenance) are totally UNRELATED. One is about the child growing up with its parent to help him/her and the other is a result of failure to maintain a relationship that led to c child or children. Take you pick but in your shoes I would not think like that at all. You are not your ex's dependent and neither is your child. (I assume you had your child because you wanted to and you knew you could look after him/her) Children are not ping pong balls darting between two competitors. They are fully fledged humans who happen to need two parents. If the dad does not want to come and see his child, its up to him, it is not your place to inhibit him, if he does want to come. You should be a good mother to your child. Pass into the child some positive emotions only. Parents love you. One happens to live too far and has remarried but he loves you still.

Esme	Its not fair to withhold someones child from them whatever happens. He doesn't owe you a living- he decided to leave his job and can't pay now. That's life.

Porkamon	You're not being evil but, unfortunately, a court would not look too kindly upon you trying to prevent him having access to his daughter. They will treat the issues of maintenance and access as completely separate. This comes from experience. My partner's ex did not pay maintenance for years, but the court still insisted that he had the right to see the children, if they wanted to see him. Fortunately they were old enough to choose for themselves (the youngest was 10 at the time), and they opted not to see him. I don't think you are being unreasonable in asking that he comes to visit though, rather than your daughter having to travel the 200 miles to see him. On the maintenance issue - can I suggest that you give as much info as you can to the CSA. They take forever to do anything, but do get there in the end. My partner's ex is now finally being made to pay all of the maintenance arrears, even though all of the children are now over 18. A long haul, but worth it. I wish you the very best of luck.

Kiylia	you should let him see his child because no child should be avoided to see her dad

bored_and_fat	youre dealing with a potentially explosive situation. this is how courts work. listen up. first, if you appeat to be 'hostile' to contact, even if he previously didnt show that much interest in your daughter, you will be SLAPPED by the courts, trust me on this. courts HATE mothers who appear to be 'hostile' to contact, no matter how justified it might be. hard one to swallow, i know... so this is what you do. put it in writing to cover your ase. tell him he is always welcome to see your daughter. courts would support you in that if he wanted to see her, as he moved, not you, that he should be willing to travel to see her, not your burden. some ex's will argue you have to meet them halfway, but you can argue financial hardship back. use the fact he isnt paying you maintenance against him, but do NOT use it as a reason to stop or deny contact - again, i am warning you, courts will slap you hard. by this i mean if they feel you are hostile to contact, they will award your ex loads of time with your daughter, even if he's a total fk up. the law is an a*, and the sooner you realise it, the better you will be. learn the system, play it right. for yourself and your little girl.

Savannah Storm	not evil... smart is the word to use.