my husband keep on lieing to me about not smoking,but i keep on finding out.. what should i do?? i hate this..

Blondie	confront him if he doesn't stop threaten a divorice if he really cares about you he would stop bcuz u asked him to

Matthew O	You can realize that it's his problem and try not to badger him over it. If it's an addiction, then giving him grief or "punishing" him isn't going to help. You can offer to be there for him and support him if he's trying to quit -- I think that would be the best thing you could do.

LaVere B	Nicotine is an extremely addictive substance. Some reports say it is harder to quit than heroin or cocaine. It is true that many people want to quit but fail over and over. The following website may help you understand why and see that he is telling the truth when he swears off...and then relapses. http://whyquit.com/whyquit/LinksAAddiction.html He's not cheating on you. He's cheating himself. This is experience speaking,

Maria	Leave him alone, only he can make that decision, not you.

Cher	Try to get him help about his situation that's what I would do.

speedy	I still smoke but it has been in secret for the last 5 years if my husband had not demanded that I stopped I would have done so ages ago Just tell your husband you love him no matter what he will probably be smoke free in a few months

yungin	What is he smoking?

ltucker20	It is very hard to quit smoking trust me I am trying to Quit but if you get made at him it will only upset him and make him want to smoke more talk about the problem together and work to gether to help him quit try this every time he goes so long with out smoking do something for him for example rub his back let him know your going to support him.

chanel	tell him how much u love him and tell him its my responsibility to tell u but its up to u to change

Quasimodo	One...I find it absolutely hysterical that a man will sit there and not only lie...but start crying because he had a cigarette or two or three. Look....I've smoked for 30 years. Quitting is easy. I should know...I've done it a thousand times. But in all seriousness, I like the taste of tobacco. I smoke outdoors and not in the house. I have made it clear to my wife I enjoy smoking and I'm not ready to quit. Know what? She doesn't give me any grief. None. In addition...if you base your entire 'trust' in your spouse and then think you can never trust him again because he sneaks a smoke...you have some issues to address as well as he for not coming out and saying.."Yeah..I'm smoking again" instead of crying like a little girl. Man...both of you need to get real here. There's a helluva lot more important things in life to get your underwear all twisted up about than something as mundane as this.

BabeHart	So back off the issue and just make the rule that he can't smoke in the house or vehicles. Why make such an issue of it that he cries and tries to hide it? It's an addiction and although it can be beat, many find it very difficult and go through many attempts before they are finally able to put them down for good...some never manage it.

maboss01	OK, as was said before this is an addiction and needs to be treated as such. Has he tried structured programs to quit smoking? Has his Dr given him medication to counter the cravings? And tell you love him, you do not love the smell or the health issues. And do consider counseling cause it seems from your question this issue is more about trust than about smoking. Good luck and I hope this works out for the family.

Deb W	I assume that you have done everything possible to convince him to quit, and even asked the aid of someone he respects to convince him to quit. So, other than that..... My grandma did this with my grandpa for their 50+ years of marriage. He always knew, though - he was even the recipient of the second-hand effects of the smoke at times. However, it was she who died first, from lung cancer - but not until they had gone through many years of her hospitalizations & ill health. This cost Grandpa a lot not only in medical expenses, but in worry & concern over her health. The bottom line though is that nothing you can say will change the fact that your hubby has a very addictive habit, one in which he will have to find a way to quit on his own. As long as he keeps the smoke out of your child's and your airspace, you can love him as any of us do who love a person with a risky lifestyle. My husband races fast motorcycles and climbs high mountains. He runs risks when he pursues these activities, but I can't impose my worries on him when it comes to things that he considers worthwhile. I have to take that as the risk of loving him, as I won't be his "policeman". Hiding and guilt do not make good relationships.

odds10to1	If you love him, then leave him along. He'll stop smoking when the time is right for him and his self to quit. Don't nag, or make faces, or jokes. Getting mad makes it worse for him, he really needs to smoke then. Ask him if he would do it outside, for the child's health and welfare.

kellbelle21	could be a lot worse. as long as he is trying to quit, take is easy... its an addiction...and he could be doing something else!

daisy322_98	Just over smoking? at least he is not beating you or doing drugs or cheating on you. Someone will not quit smoking if they have someone bugging them about it all the time.

notagain49	Smoking,like regular smokes? If a woman gave me that choice between smokes and her,she would lose.I love women but I have been smoking since I was 6 years old and have tried to quit a hundred times and can't.So get use to it or get a divorce,or light up!Good luck

Knome Lover	There is a trust issue there and I can understand where you are coming from. However trying to quit smoking is a very hard thing for some people. Maybe you should try to be more supportive. Tell him you are simply concerned about his health and that you just want to make sure he is around so you can grow old together. Go to the store with him and get some "quiting smoking" goods. See if he will go to the doctor for help as well. Good Luck!

Elana	There is the issue of trust, and then the issue of health. Continuing to lie can be more damaging to a relationship than things you might thing would be far worse, such as an affair. It kind of depends on how YOU feel about being continually lied to. As for the health side of it, especially with a kid, you need to drag him to a doctor and get him on some sort of kick-the-habit program. If he falls off it, you need him to be at the point where he can tell you that he fell off it, and then you help him get back on it.

RJJHB	Have you ever smoked in your life? If not (and apparently you haven't), you would know how hard it is to quit smoking. If he isn't beating you, or cheating on you, or anything that is life threatening, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I know that you want him to be healthy, but as a smoker, I say, let him quit on his own terms. Don't leave him just because he smokes. As long as he respects you enough not to do it around you, let him quit on his own terms. He will eventually, I'm sure.

daveypa22	Its not a trust issue, I have known a lot of people to attempt to quit smoking and only about 10% of them ever did for good. Most of them would complain about headaches and any time they were stressed, they had a strong urge to smoke. Its not something that he can quit cold turkey. Its an addictive habit and very hard to break. He is only sneaking them because he know how it hurts you, but perhaps instead of quiting cold turkey, he could ease off of them by perhaps smoking once less cig. a day or something. YOu should be supportive of him and if he does smoke one, say it is ok and that you want to be there to help.

Dood	It's very difficult to handle. Smoking is a powerful addiction, some say more powerful than heroin. I suggest you not put any pressure on him. Let him know he is quitting for himself and not for you. It sounds like he will slip up many more times in his struggle to quit. He needs to know that you are completely accepting of this. He needs support -not added guilt.

drewxjacobs	You may not like smoking, but you need to get off his back. He will quit when he is ready and doesn't need you and that guilt trip to help him along.

Krypton	take him to rehab...lol tell him u will divorce and u tell him the bad example of what he is 2 his child speak about the consequences check out this website, it helps a lot http://www.google.co.za/url?sa=L&ai=BOnSwDBIeR6itNYKAgwLGn-SyA8W4jhiZt_-aAdCAtwWA1GEIABABGAE4AFD-nsDMBWDH3YSOnCbIAQGAAgGpArEormdKwYM-2QPOw1QDkN7FJA&q=http://www.health24.com/medical/Condition_centres/777-792-1952.asp&usg=AFQjCNFiSMrgu8Pu6CWYjGaUis9s9qW-Yg

slopoke6968	accept him for who he is a smoker

gypsy g	Nothing to do but be supportive and positively encourage him to continue to try to quit. It isn't easy and sometimes it takes people many times before they succeed.

Katlynnelore	Accept the fact you married a smoker, and as long as he doesn't do it in front of the kid or you, move on and be happy with his good qualities.

MeL	its smoking, not injecting heroin or cheating on you... be there for him and support him! dont make SUCH a big deal outta something that LOTS of people struggle with!

banana6464	We're talking about Smoking cigarettes, not crack, right? If this is the worst problem you have to face in your marriage, you will have lived a charmed life. Maybe he is not interested in quitting right now. Don't make a big deal about this issue. If he is otherwise loving, reliable, respectful, this is not something to got war with him over.