what do you do when your husband wants a divorce, but you don't?

manymeese	Do you work? Are you used to a higher standard of living than before you were together? You need to hire an attorney and don't let his attorney call all the shots. If he is unhappy in the marriage, then you don't need to continue on. My feeling is there is another woman in the background. You also can do your own divorce and seek the help of an attorney with regard to child support and alimony.

maestra	First, it's ok to go through a divorce. Be glad he is going about it this way than for him to be having affairs and later you finding out about it. You are working so that is a good thing. You can ask for a specific amount of alimony and child support. If you go to court the judge will determine the amount. You may want to go to a law library and read more about this. You'd be surprised how much you learn. Go to your local court house and ask to view the most recent law books on divorce.

LDJ	Get you a lawyer so the lawyer can determined if every thing is right. Also you can ask for your husband to pay for the lawyer in the divorce papers. And I be live you can ask for alimony.

Robin	tell him as part of the process, you need him to go to a therapist for help. Secretly, find a marriage therapist that believes all marriages can be saved. Your daughter has to be the central concern. Both of you have to be willing to place her happiness above your own and then yours can follow.

Domino	Don't just sit idly by...Get yourself an attorney as well, your husband may really put the screws to you if you don't. You need someone fighting on your side. If you don't want the divorce then fight him. If he wants one that bad it will cost him. I'm sure there's more to the story though. He's probably met some hot new babe...Don't just sit back and take what he gives you, he's got a responsibility to both you and your child.

Shef..	you cant change his mind if the does not want to.. and i think you need not compromise in any way just because he decides to treat you like this. IT IS WRONG. he is just as much responsible for the daughter and family as you are!! make that clear to him!! he cannot "pick out" a convenient amount for child support and wash off his responsibility.. get yourself a good lawyer and make sure you protect your self as well as your child. you have a life that you sacrificed and compromised for his growth. you took care of "his" house while he was making his career.. and now that he is doing well he is leaving you.. lady get a grip on your emotions and fight back.. my prayers are with you.

sugarBear	Your husband is a MORON. He's not a man at all, yet not man enough to accept & handle his responsibilities. If he wants a divorce, then give it to him. Why keep him if he's not going to be dedicated to you & the children? That's not love at all. It's not worth the stress. Have faith in yourself to take care of your daughter. You can do it. You don't need him & you certainly don't want him around if he doesn't want to be around. And yes, you can get alimony & child support. Take it up with a Divorce Lawyer.

free_angel	Tell him if that's what he wants then so be it but you're not about to give in and just agree with just anything him and his lawyer says to you as things need to be beneficial to you. Tell him you gotta look after Number 1 just like he is.

Zoecat	First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. He needs to be a man, step up and face his responsibilities. There must be more to it than just being unhappy. Seek out some moral support from a friend or family member you trust who will help you through this and not make a scene if you two are able to work it out. Most imporantly, seek counselling - individually and as a couple. Alimony and child-support are generally determined by the courts based on the earnings of the spouses. If there has been an affair or abuse, these are supposed to be taken into consideration as well. If it comes down to a separation and divorce, seek legal counsel for your own representation - do not take his word for it. I hope that this can all be worked out. I cannot imagine how much you are hurting and hope that knowing that there are people willing to hear you out and offer support helps some. Best of luck...

claudia	I am so sorry... I had the same issue with my husband. Except we were married for 10 years and had 2 boys. I think you are going to go crazy if you try to figure out what happened or why he feels the way that he does. Except his decision and pray. Pray like you have never prayed before and trust God. He will do what is best for you and your daughter. In the mean time, don't sign anything and don't agree to anything until you get an attorney to read over the papers. You might be eligible to receive alimony depending on how much you make and how much he makes. I know how hard this time is and I know you feel very confused and hurt. Focus on your daughter and on God. You will be able to get through it. i will pray for you and your family. if you need to talk please email me.

bob shark	If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was.... Then get your OWN LAWYER.

PrivacyNowPlease!	Your first responsibility is to the one year old child-get a lawyer for custody rights and child support. Do not agree to anything (amount of support, visitation rights, property division) without a lawyer's advice. Your husband sprung this on you to catch you unprepared and emotional-to have an advantage over you. Don't let him fool you-he has a plan-and you need professional guidance. You do not need such a back stabbing sneak for a spouse.

susie79	Alimony and child support depends on the state you reside. Sounds like his mind is made up, how unfortunate. However, please, please, obtain an attorney immediately. In the heat of the moment you need someone who can put your best interests first, and, as you said, you're numb right now. It's been my experience that when a spouse makes the kind of statement that yours had made, his mind is made up. If you try to change his mind he will only become more determined. Let him have his way, I suspect he will regret his decision. Be cooperative, kind, and make sure you and your child's needs are met. That should be your priority right now. Down the road, once your mind is more clear, you can work on the other aspects of putting the pieces back together. I've been where you are. It was very painful. I survived to be a better person through it all. You will too.

Jeni	I'm very sorry to hear your having to deal with this right now, it is unfortunate however better to know now then to have more children by him. He probably won't be orderd to pay alimony, child support it based off of income. How much is he wanting to pay you? Child support is calculated for example you both combined make 3,000 they will look at a chart to determine for an income of that amount and raising one child is costs X (300.00) a month then they determine how much percent each of you make if he brings 70% of that 3,000 in then he will have to pay 70% of the 300.00 which would be 210.00 to you each month. Good Luck~ Take the *** hole for everything you can

Mars	i think you're going to need to get a career. in california, you're only required to pay alimony after 10 years of marriage. you may be @ssed out.

Tasheka	So sorry about what is happening to you, but you need to be strong for your daughter. Many times the obvious is right in our face and we still miss it. Is it possible you knew this was coming, but ignored it as most do? Get you an attorney to find out about child-support and alimony. You go on by placing one foot in front of the other at a time. God does not place more on us then we can bare. I am sure that I'm not saying what you want or need to hear, but learning experiences is what prepares us for the future. Lean on friends and family for support, but do not try and do this on your own. Best Wishes!!

LB	I'm so sorry this is happening. In many states the minimum support is a percentage of his income. Alimony depends on how long you've been married and how much more htan you he makes. Get a lawyer sooner rather than later.

jeepiegurl	Good luck...I think that there is something else behind this....you don't just not see this coming. Let him go.

windy1	first of all I am sorry you have to go through this. but it sounds like you are young enough to start over if you have to. I would try and encourage your husband to do couples therapy before he throws in the towel. if he does not want to go that route then try to get him to really pour his heart out and find out why he wants out, if it is something you can fix, then really work on it , if there is another woman or he has just fallen out of love with you, then you should try and move on with your life with your daughter, get therapy for your self , a new job and new friends and eventually find someone who really loves you.

kim	Men are idiots. He will be required to pay child support. It will be determined by the child support system how much. As far as alimony you have not been married very long so it is very unlikely. If you dont work at all they might make him pay a little for a short time. I have been through it recently after 24 yrs of marriage. You will go on. You have to for your child. It gets easier with time.

John B	Counseling ... that's an age old answer, but it's the one that will work, for both of you, or just for you if he won't go. What he is doing is calling for help, the help within the relationship. He may not want a divorce. But you have to figure out what is going on.

lsfrssn	im maybe not a big help.. cuz i juz wanna say that i HATE divorces. its so stupid geting married n then divorce..

April First	Every State has it's own guidelines for child support and alimony based on the husbands salary. I would let him have the divorce, as I wouldn't want to stay with someone who didn't want me. You will be OK, you just have to believe that. One door is closing and another one is opening.

ofsoundmind	Consult an attorney,don't let him control the whole situation or you might be getting ripped off. In some states he has to pay for the attorney. I'd also find some support groups in your area.

Rin	if you truely love soemething or someone in this case you would want them to be happy he seems to be pretty fair and is willing to pay alimony and child suport hes lookin for a fair divorce from you and not a fight. id let it happen you can alwayse find another man and be happy with him.

wizjp	Child support is formula determined by the state. What he thinks only matters if he wants to pay more. Protect yourself; get your assets in line, protect your share of house and cash, cancel credit cards you don't HAVE to have and get a lawyer.

Brittany	i am so sorry to hear that. have you asked him the specifics of why he is unhappy? all you can do is ask him to work out it, but you cant force him to if he doesnt want to. you may be better off without him if he isnt happy, that means he isnt giving his all. good luck :(