what would you do fi you were in my situation?

fnyunj	If you go to the Ice Cream shop, and if you don't ask for the flavor you want, don't be surprised if you get something you DON'T want. Don't be a Conflict Avoider. Tell your guy that having Mitch live with you and interfere with your lives and cause problems is NOT OKAY. Tell him he can choose to have a happy marriage, or he can choose to continue to be his abusive friend's enabler. For your part, I hope you do what is best for YOU and your KIDS. Leave the scumbag, he is endangering you and your kids. You may feel as if you are financially dependent upon him, but you are not. You can divorce him, make him pay spousal and child support, and you can work. If you'd rather not-work, and put up with your husband's nasty friend, well, then that's the choice YOU'VE made, and maybe you should be a little more at-ease with that choice.

ladyren	First, I would have never been in your situation. When I was dating, I had my radar on, and would never have had even a second date with the guy you picked to sire your children. Brains, education, kindnesses and a guy having his head on straight were rather more important. My mom was strict, and hammered these four rules in my head beginning when I was 11. So, by the time the hormones turned on, guys you have described were a turn-off. I send them to you... maybe you can get back on track. 1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart. 2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to 3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decadesâ€¦. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are foreverâ€¦. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!! 4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.

KaTeLyN	since you've talked to him about the situation and he obviously doesn't care at all about what you say, you need to show him how serious you are. Leave him! I'm not talking about forever - unless that's what you really want - but just show him that you aren't playing, it's either you or his crazy friend b/c you're not having that kind of crap around you two (almost three) kids.

Lindsay	cry

huntershanequa	well to be honest he keeps doing this because of u a man can only do what u allow them to do u really need to have a one on one conversation with him and see what he says and if its positive then find a resolution if it isn't then have a talk with three of u figure out some arrangements and see if u can work this out if not u have to cause ain't no relationship worth ur happiness or ur children's well being

Benny	this is a tough situation your in, my suggestion is move in with your parents for now until your husband fully understand this can not continue this way best of luck

Valerie X Account #15- Awesome!	If you have two little kids and haven't worked in 5 YEARS then NO YOU CANNOT take care of those kids on your own- are you kidding??? Geez, you must be young, and stupid! If you have to go move in with Mommy, you ARE NOT SELF-SUFFICIENT! You younger women are TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE!

2Westies	I'm sorry you keep having babies with this guy. If Mitch moves in again pack up the kids and go stay with your mother.

Debbie	OK I'm going to answer as if I was in your situation. I would say to Shane - "I realize that you care about Mitch and I actually admire your taking care of him for so many years. But now you have a family and your children should be your first priority. It is unhealthy for your children to be exposed to all the stress that comes into our home when Mitch is here. I have told you how I felt about this in the past and yet I have tolerated him living in our home. It is time for you to start putting your family before your friends. I will not stay in this house as long as you have him staying here. If you chose to let him stay in spite of my feelings I will be taking the kids and going to live at my mom's. And if after I have told you how strongly I feel about this you still decide to let Mitch move into our home, it will only show me how little you respect my feelings or our childrens well being. I will not spend the rest of my life with a man that doesn't respect my feelings and who cares more for a "friend" who has repeatedly taken advantage of you by living off you for years." Plain and simple. Give him an ultimatum. He needs to make a choice between an old friend and his current family. It is time for him to grow up and show that his family is the most important thing in his life. And if he doesn't. Then you need to move on and find a man that does care about your feelings and who will put you first. Or get out and get a job and take care of your kids on your own. But file for child support for Shane's kids so he will remain financially responsible. And if he ever just shows up at home with Mitch without even talking with you about it first, pack up the kids and leave. Tell him on the way out where you can be reached when he is ready to respect the fact that it is your home also.

originata	I couldn't blame you for leaving because he keeps putting his friend before all of you. Whether this guy lives with you again or not, this should be a wakeup call to you to learn how to care of and support yourself because your husband doesn't seem to reliable.

.................	If I were in your situation... I would ask Shane why Mitch is calling again. If it's nothing to worry about then I'd forget about it. If he's looking for a couch to sleep on again then I would remind Shane how I feel about Mitch staying at the house. Then, if Shane ignores the fact that I don't want Mitch around, I wouldn't leave it up to Shane anymore. I would flat out tell Mitch that he is not welcome and make him leave.

Sandy Ego	I wouldn't be in your situation. When you keep having kids with a man who doesn't respect you, this is what you're going to get. The best thing to do in your situation is to get on birth control a.s.a.p. and stop overpopulating the planet.

lovejudy76	if he brings him home with him call your mom have your bags packed ask your boyfriend what kind of hold this man has on him, its not just you now you have kids thay see and hear everthing thay do not need to live with this man in the house,call your mom.

dolphingirl	get some birth control, jeez! so sick of losers like you over populating the world!

Amber M	I would simply tell your man that you can't take another pregnancy like the ones before. Tell him how bad it upsets you and how hard it makes it on you, and how you feel about him spending all his time with this other guy. Tell him, the last time, was the last time, and now you aren't gonna take it anymore. Tell him, it is either you or the other guy. And if he cares for you, then he will not get the guy this time. Hope everything works out for ya. Talk to ya later

LexMc	Tell him that Mitch is too much. You should explain that while you understand his dedication and maybe feelings of obligation towards Mitch, his children's safety and comfort need to come first. Make it clear that you are absolutely against Mitch moving in. After all its a 50/50 relationship, and the last times Mitch lived with you are your leverage.

Gary B	You need top have a strong face-to-face talk with your husband and let it be know that you cannot allow this other person in to your home any more. it is bad enough having that extra person around when they're OK, but a "high maintenance" person like this will destroy your marriage. If he insists, then you may have to file for a Legal Separation, and move out. In a legal separation you set down rules where he has to pay temporary child support and possibly alimony (depends on state law). he must continue paying his half of the rent and other bills you have incurred (car payments) and continue to provide insurance for you and the children. Its like a divorce, but without the dissolution of the marriage. you WILL return to him when this other person is gone. IF he chooses the other person over your (and that IS a possibility) you will need to file for divorce.

Peter M	mitch is a close friend of your hubby, deal with it cautisiously... what if you had a dear friend who was unstable (if mitch has some pscycho problems that are unhealthy and are unsafe for the children,,,, that is a serious issue) offer your hubby to put mitch up in a cheap motel for a week, or buy him a tent, and put him up at a camp ground for a month, or buy him a bus ticket back home to his parents..

Yoda	Stop having babies with a "man" who acts like a boy and then complain to us about it. You should have stopped with the first one. Obviously Shane has deeper feelings for Mitch then he does for you, or Mitch is more fun! You need to quit being an enabler for an enabler. You allow Mitch to step on you and your feelings and Mitch allows Shane to step on his babies mommas feelings. This is seriously screwed up and if you want it to stop then you will have to step up and be the "man" in this situation. Make it stop. And fro god's sake quit procreating with this pathetic excuse for a man. The kids deserve better. Yoda out

john	well i guess you must be blessed

Quasimodo	One....dump Shane Two: Get my tubes tied or put a cork in it.

absolute	One of the worst things for preg women is stress. It seems most of your problems with pregnancy were stress related. I would NICELY explain to your other half that, while you would love to help his friend out and many others you simply cannot. That the health of you and your unborn are more important than his friends problems, and that you both should really be making decisions together, i.e. who is living with you.

me	to other answer'ers-please dont judge people for havign kids out of wedlock its personal choice and not the issue here. Hun u need to sit your bloke down and tell him no more its unfair on you and making your pregnancy hard work! mitch needs to sort himself out and should be old enough to do so, so tell ur guy to tell mitch to stand on his own two feet and if he doesnt you try tellin him :-) goodluck xx

GEMINI-1966	Stress is unhealthy to the fetus... You need to discuss your concerns with Shane ASAP.. Mitch is going to be your relationship disaster and he will tear you and Shane apart.. Can you live with that ???? Are you able to raise your kidz on your own ???

Puhleeze!!!	Tell your husband NOOOOOO. As in NEVER again. If this guy has been living with you that many times then you could not possibly be communicating with your husband properly. Do you even say anything about it or do you just go with the flow? I don't get it. My husband has a friend that I don't like & I won't even speak to the dude & he's not allowed in my home.

Heatherrrrrrrr	5 years, not married and on your second child? Sounds like Shane is not mature. Sounds like Shane doesn't really care too much about you or what you think. Sounds like Shane likes Mitch more than you. Sounds like Shane is not going to be a good husband because he is not doing a good job communicating as a boyfriend. You should move out and be on your own. When Shane gets his sh*t together then he can be with you and the kids. Until then, don't put them or yourself in harms way.

kris_mccray	Use birth control? So many questions so many answers not really sure which question it is that you want answered.

abc	what I wouldn't have done was to get pregnant three times with a man I wasn't married to and one who had no respect for me; what I would do now is to tell him Mitch is not welcome in your home....but since he obviously doesn't care, I'd be making a plan to get the heck out ...

Nasty Na	everytime you get prego you have twins. the one your carrying and the one your husband is carrying.