when the person you have loved for 4 years tells you they do not know if they love you how do you cope?

gypsy girl	get some counsleing it helps.

Sweet Sugar	Girl, Whoever that person was (I say that in past tense) was not worthy of your tears. You're gonna be in pain for awhile and of course this is painful but you will love someone again. Don't dwell on what you should have done or said because its not you, its him. Don't sit around crying about him, get out there and live. Spend time with your homegirls and family. Focus your positive energy in new things and people.

Stan M	Know that most spiritual traditions teach us that we are exactly where we should be and to have faith that all will work itself out. You never loose unless you loose the lesson. This is all happening for a reason and one day you will see this. This too shall pass. Feelings are the â€œlanguageâ€ of spirit. If we avoid our feelings, we are avoiding spirit. Our feelings give us insight all the time to show us more and more of who we really are. Whenever we change our negative thoughts to more positive thoughts (â€œpositiveâ€ and â€œnegativeâ€ being relative terms), we align ourselves with who we really are. If the negativity isnâ€™t there anymore to weigh us down, or blacken our awareness, the light of who we really are will begin to shine through from within our hearts. Love, light, spirit, & divine are all interchangeable terms for me. Love is all there is. Anything that suggests otherwise is only an illusion. Illusion must exist in order for us to have a physical reality. We are born into a physical reality, with a physical body. This is where we choose to forget our true spiritual essence. The purpose, and greatest joy in life, is re-membering what we have forgotten. In this we can experience over and over again this incredible joy. This is also how we experience spiritual growth. We grow through our experiences. The more our awareness expands, the grander our vision. The more rich in spirit our lives become. The more deeply we connect with our light. Namaste, Stan

feysunny	Life and sorrow come together in this world. Be an adult and thank God for the good times and move on cuz the next best prson is waiting just around the corner. I was in your shoes and am very happy now. Good Luck.

myhoneylips2002	It is a cop out! He should tell you the truth. And as soon as you get over him..move on..he is not in love with you anymore. Especially, if he said those words to you..it is obvious.

kathyw	One thing that happens when you've been with someone that long is your circle of acquaintances and friends shrinks. It makes you feel much much more vulnerable when the relationship doesn't work out. What is ahead is widening that circle of friends - ask them for help because you are leaving a relationship where you felt secure. Now you need to meet some new people - that's where friends can help. If the circle has shrunk so much that it looks pretty dismal looking around right now for a friend, then just think of it this way: you are at square one and there are a lot of good people out there to meet. Join a singles group or get into some activity that is support for singles. There are groups around like this and the emphasis is on having fun, nothing heavy, just lots of light fun and activities.

ms.sophisticate	You forget his name. You smile and walk with your head up. You wear pretty shoes, that do something to the way you walk... You look inside your heart, and start loving yourself. The point is: other people can only hurt you, if you let them. DON'T LET HIM HURT YOU ANY LONGER. Why are you making him THAT important? He is a wimp of a man. Do you know why he isn't sure about his feelings for you? Because he hopes to meet someone better tomorrow. He knows how wonderful you are, and still hopes to find someone else. Does that sound like someone worthy of your tears? He sounds to me like someone with a serious commitment phobia. People like that enjoy wasting your life, they never commit. He was a mistake on your part. So learn from it and move on to the greener pastures. I will keep you in my prayers sweetheart. Tomorrow will be a much better day, I promise.

Go GO Ressa	Get a strong belief in yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, there's something wrong with them. With time, the tears will go away and the thinking have not left you, you're just focused on the bad part of the whole thing. He'll be back. There's someone else he want to be with right now. Just remember, when he comes crawling back. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He will do it again and again. Find your strength in friends, God, Prayer or fixen and changing yourself. Do not let him call you and tell you, all that's wrong with you. Do not call him. NEVER EVER let him see you crying, angry or looking bad. Go change your hair, your sheets, your style of clothes keep your nails and feet pretty and thank God that it didn't get to marriage. You would really be in a bad way then. 4 years is along time to be with someone and then they decide that they want to jump ship. What you should do, when he call ( and he will call again) is ask him... why did you not let me know that you had decided that you wanted to tell me that you didn't love me? i could have been with other people that really cared about me? People always think they have got the heads up, when they see you are hurting. Stay busy. Never go into the places you all use to go, until you are ready. And most importantly. If you don't think anything about yourself, then how will anyone else gonna think good things about you? Forget their name. You'll be fine. Please stop crying.

lwheavenlyangel	It's hard. It's really hard and you have to learn to release the hurt in order to gain your life back. Cry all that you want to. But keep in mind that this too shall pass and you will get your life back together. When you lose someone that you love, it is never easy picking back up the pieces to your heart. It is easy for everyone to tell you that you will get over him, but in actuality, you'll never really get over someone that you have loved. You can however go on with your life and begin anew. It will be easier for you once you have learned the basic fundamentals of releasing pain..

Shana N	You would much rather know now and grieve than when you are married with kids. It is a blessing and we have all had the person that tore our heart from our chest. You will keep breathing. If they don't know now, they wont and he is wasting your time. You have to move on and let it go for your own well-being. There is someone else who will love you enough and more. You just have to get out of the way :-)

Klingon	Get therapy to get over those felings.

luka	usually when they tell you this is because they are involved with someone else.

James	i said the same thing to my first wife. i felt like i didn't love her at that moment. my depression left me numb..incapable of feeling anything. i was suffering from depression for years and years.. irritability is part of depression... things came out of my mouth when i was irritable caused a lot of pain for both of us. i'm not saying your loved one is suffering from anything close to what i've gone though, and going through, but maybe there's something there to understand that you're not aware of. after few months of struggle, my first wife couldn't understand my conditions and dumped me. a simple understanding can save a lot of pain in both parties. but then, understanding is never a simple thing.

free_angel	Tell them you love yourself more than you will ever love them, what's their point?

Lynn	I think you have wasted enough time and enough tears on this person! Tell me this: How can someone, after four years, not know if they love you? If they have doubt after four years, it is unlikely to ever go away. You need to move on, get some hobbies, do things with friends and learn to find happiness and worth within. Take a cruise with a girlfriend for a week, change jobs, change your haircolor, change your make up, change your clothes, but MOST of ALL change your MAN! Good Luck! It is only uphill from here! p.s: Stop wasting good tears over someone who doesn't even know if he loves you and stop wasting yourself on him!

Railhaven	I do not know your age. I wish I could talk to you, the majority of answeres you are getting are coming from very youg people. There is so much involved. It is going to hurt, your human. In my case 25 years of marriage to a milatary man, madly deeply truly in love. If there were any mistakes made, it was me. Without telling it to all I should have seen it coming. I forgave him one time, after 6 months of crying I let my guard down. I do not know are we allowed to contact each other by e-mail?

theladygeorge	It is always worse to be left than to leave. Go ahead and cry a lot, your thoughts are all mixed up and it might be like that for awhile. There is little you can do about your feelings but try and get with friends, find some one to talk with. Your feelings are right at the surface so be kind to yourself. 4 years seems like a long time to invest in someone and although he's gone remember even with all life's hard aches it is still worth your time to notice the sun set and sun rise. With each day you will become a little bit stronger even if you do not notice it. Hang in there I've been where you are way down there at the bottom. But if you think about it the only way to go now is up.

Caretaker	You didn't say what the relationship is. In these last four years what did he say? Does this represent a change or just the first time the question came up? I'm not a Psychologist but I think you may have some issues of personal esteem. Maybe you have let your love for this person be your guide and motivation for all you've done. But really if you did not have any confirmation of his feeling before, you did it by yourself. Don't let someone else's opinion dictate what you can do.

jaydee24	wow, i'm pretty much in the same predicament as you. This is my first time answering any question. Hopefully, i can make a diffrerence. I know that you find yourself dazzing off and crying. 2 months ago even 3 weeks ago i was feeling the same way. even though i ignore every attempt his made to talk to me, it still hurts and still have a lot of un answered questions. I has gotten a little bit easier. I can actually sleep half way through the night. I think that analyzing what i had and what he let go makes me move on a little step at a time. we need to stay strong and it seems like talking about it helps me too. i wish you the best.

Lyla	Okay, I was dating someone for less than a year and he told me the same thing. We broke off and he kept calling me to talk, and it happend maybe 4-6 times. I was strong enough to stop calling him but he would keep playing this game with me. Finally I just said stop calling me and hung up the phone on him, a year later he hooked up with his ex-girlfriend who ended up being the entire conflict. The hardest part for me was not being rejected but the games after the fact. Be true to yourself, LOVE yourself. BE STRONG and tell him to get a life. WHAT A LOSER. Your going to fing that perrrrfect guy only if you let go.

45 auto	Look at the bright side it not 10 yrs 3 kids.Get it together get pis=ed at him.Not revenge that way you can get over him find something to do with yourself. There are others that will make you feel better. Have fun we have all been threw this some more than others me included. It hurts but only as long as you let it. Read some of these others dramas they will make you think that yours not that bad.

goldwing	It is up to you ONLY to stop the pain, the hurt, the crying, ....anytime thoughts creep into your head about this, say, "NO I will not go there." Time heals all wounds, so give yourself time. You are the same person you were before you met this person, before you fell in love. You will be that person again if you just give it time. Get the hell out of the house, go places, do things (don't go spending a bunch of money or eating a lot of food....not going to change anything.). You have my best wishes for a full life, and one is waiting for you out there...just give it time.

ladylady4470	Love hurts....No one said it would be easy and part of that hurt is we are being rejected by that person. It will take time for you to start feeling better and, yes time heals all wounds. I know none of that helps the right now. But, you have to just keep going each day and you will start to feel better. Try not to see that person if you can and as far as your mind goes just start with the simple things pretty soon you will be back to normal.....good luck

shadow	Even though this person has told you they don't know if they love you. You need to remember that you are lovable. There is always someone out there to love you, even if you don't know who they are. There could even be someone waiting to love you, someone waiting for you to be there with them, they might even be in a similar situation. But as I said, just remember, YOU ARE LOVABLE, AND YOU ARE LOVED. You need to clear your mind and meditate on those words. I hope this helps. If you need to talk you can reach me at chaosrox@yahoo.com.

missingora	Have they told you for four years that they love you ??? And have they just now changed their mind? Hmmmm..... If this is new for him I'd tell him that he needs to leave and not contact me. If he ever decides he loves me, he can contact me then. If I'm free and still interested, I'll let him know. However, someone who wasted four years of my life and broke my heart will not be on the priority list of people to have in my life.

lynnetter	this is a hard one, but you have to know that the love you gave was real, and that you cannot control how another person can feel. know that in your heart, when you finally move on from this person, you did everything right. you can also appreciate this other person telling you the truth on their feelings. you can best believe there is that one person out there that will give you great love that you deserve and the one your with is not that person. good luck

Violet Pearl	I'd say, "I prefer to be with a person who KNOWS THEIR OWN MIND so if you ever get clear on how you feel, call me. I may or may not be available, so don't wait too long." Then I'd stop crying, get back to work, and start living life. Be strong, don't be a wimp.