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why is my mother in law mean to me?
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why is my mother in law mean to me?

I am always nice to the MIL. She is nice to me in front of my husband, but when he is not there, she is nasty. I have asked my husband to go and talk with her - which he did, and told her that he plans on being married to me for a long time, so she just has to get along with me. She cries and tells him she knows she is being nasty to me but she has a lot to deal with (her alcoholic husband). We know he is an alcoholic, but just as my husband talks to her about me, she puts it on to someone else. It just seems like a huge co-incidence to me, and of course, my husband feels sorry for her. Is she a liar - or just trying to shift the blame - or am I being silly? Anyone have any advice?







saywhat?
Rating
because all mother in law's are.


free_angel
One time my MIL treated me real nasty. I raised hell!!!! My husband had a sit down talk with her and he let her know we're not about to put up with her crap and if she doesn't knock it off she won't see him anymore. I totally ignore her. I don't like her and I'm not going to pretend to like her. She keeps her distance and doesn't cause any conflict. I advice your husband and you to do the same.


Coffee Drinker
Rating
The thing is to get along with a mil, you have to forgive her every 5 minutes. Really! She is not going to be like a mom to you or a bff. She has made that clear. For whatever reason instead of being overjoyed and open armed (like my wife was when we got a daughter in law) she has chosen to be vindictive and jealous of you. Its really sad that she is so selfish cause it sounds like she is missing out on a wonderful chance to have a close relationship with her dil. But anyway, think of it as a game and your going to beat her at it cause you are in control and you are compassionate. So when she is around you ask her questions. Even if you know the answer or have your own oppinon. Just ask her questions...what do you do if...how do ...waht do you thnk I... This makes her thinkyou think she is wise and talented etc. Then you constantly remind her waht an awesome job she did with her son and how lucky you are she raised her son this way cause he is a great husband. If she believes she is admired by you and needed by you she may eventually warm to you or at least treat you kindly. Your doing this for your husband and your future children. Because you dont NEED her but they do and they will be grateful to you for making peace happen. The other alternative is to move out of state to limit contact. Whatever, this is not about you personally. Its about her being a selfish controlling dominating female filled with jealousy and low self esteem.


Not so young whippersnapper
All MIL's get jealous of their sons wives. You have taken his little boy. I see it time and time again.


kitty
Rating
My MIL is the same way. I don't know if it because her little boy has been taken away or she is a control freak. You are actually fortunate that your husband said something, mine wouldn't think to "back talk" his mother. UGH! I think while I was getting fitted for my wedding dress, she was getting lessons in hatred. Its sad and I wish I had the answer. The best thing we ever did was move several hours away from "mommy". Good luck to you.


suffolker
Rating
She is probably jealous of your relationship with your husband. With her husband no support and her son now favouring you she may feel lonely and takes it out on you (and probably others). It is a self-defence mechanism. Best you try to be understanding and not react negatively. Let your husband you understand her difficulties and will compensate for them. This will show you are caring for one of his loved ones and make him love you more.


TheOne
Yes. Look up the following links. She needs help. Your family needs help. Don't abandon them. Good Luck. Peace. ☺♥☻







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