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why wont he get divorced?
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why wont he get divorced?

weve been together for two years and he says he wants to marry me,but he,s still married and in no rush to get divorce procedings going. he,s ex says that she wants to divorce him and shes better off financially then us,so is he just waiting for her to do it? sorry to all of you who answered by saying that im a home wrecker,blah blah, but he had been seperated from her for 6 months b4 we got together and she is also with someone else.







intelligentbutdizzy
Rating
If he really wanted to marry you then he would get divorced. End of story.


kinkybootsno1
Ask yourself this sweetie; if the shoe were on the other foot & he wanted you to divorce & get married to him, what would you do? well! there's your answer. By the way, in future when you post a question asking for other's advice, then give as much details as possible. that way those that have answered can be informed properly so as to make an informed reply. You can hardly have a go at members here for biting your fingers when you're the one feeding them.


shellysnapz
Rating
hi red...OK i think his ex should file for a divorce and get it over with, it seems that he's in no hurry....you cannot marry this man unless he's divorced, so tell him he is to either do it or find someone else....unless you don't mind waiting for a few more years, the sooner it's done, the better it will be for you both


Label Lady
You knew he was married. I think he does want to get divorced but then that will free him up to marry you which is not what he really wants.


eyes_of_iceblue
Your in quite a dilemma. I would tell him to make a choice and make it fast. Good Luck.


mongo862001
Rating
alamony? child support? all things that go with divorce, maybe he has a skeleton in his closet he know would get out in a divorced hearing


Quasimodo1957
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A very simple answer...but you may not like it. However here goes; He isn't divorcing her because she'll rake him over the coals money wise. Any kids in the marriage? Figure in child support. Does he own a house? Financial reasons there too if thats the case. Nothing worse than paying a mortagage on a place you don't live in. Now you on the other hand....have your own place? Oh yeah...an out of the way place the wife doesn't know about where he can get laid in comfort and security...plus no costs for hotel rooms. There's an old saying..."Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for nothing". Have I made my point here? Am I off the mark with the answer? Give it some thought. Take a good look at it and I think you'll see I'm right in this analysis. Of course its based upon speculation because you haven't provided many details but I think you'll come to the conclusion it's close to if not on target.


nickle
Rating
Maybee hes not ready for the prospect of remarrying and getting divorced would make that option available to be approached, so rather than stepping into a position where he may have to hurt you by saying hes not ready for that level of a commitment he just wont get divorced. But never know. It could mean many things and its hard to say, but you'll never find happiness if you base it off signs and signals alone. Just ask him in a loving, non aggressive, non confrontational, non accusing, and accepting way why he hasn't done the necessary steps toward divorce. Thats the only way you will ever get an answer. All you'll get here are guesses. Thats my suggestion and I only suggest this because I used to read waaaay toooo much into everything my hunny did. Everything put me into panic because I was sure it was a sign. Then I learned to just ask and realize that uh, he's a man and does not function the same way I do. Sometimes theres just really nothing too it except that a man prioritizes differently than a woman. What characteristics does he value...that is what his priorities are in line with. If he holds providing as being what defines him as a good man than he will try to prove his love by working really hard and doing what it takes to provide for you. In his mind this would put divorce on the back burner on the priorities that will provide and prove love. He may not understand the importance of the divorce to you and what that symbolyzes, so just ask him why he hasn't and tell him why it is important to you....why you need it. I understand how this can feel very threatening, but know that if being with you wasn't what he wanted he wouldn't be there. He just probably doesn't get it....as men sometimes don't. If you open up the lines of communication I'm sure he will try to understand. He wants to be a good man, just be sure to not make him feel as if he is inadequate by not getting divorced. That is a very sensitive process that he needs to be allowed to complete at his pace with your support and understanding. You have a right to ask questions, but support him in his process all the same...you do diserve the reassurance you need though...just tell him that you need that reassurance in a non-accusing way. Thats your best bet for getting it.


thehelper
he's not divorcing maybe because it is a tedious thing to do... think about it... maintaining a relationship wid his wife was too tedious for him, having an affair was convenient, though. now if you dress him up and drive him to court wid his wife, he'll find it convenient to divorce her.


Cybrocupid
Is it an out in the open 2 years or sneaking around 2 years? You don't say if you've been living together, if they officially separated, if she knows about you etc; sounds like: 1.) he could tell you they are getting divorced and really aren't and he's just hanging on to the good life as long as he can. 2.) waiting for her to get fed up and file so he doesn't feel like such a heel. 3.) really has no intention of leaving and is telling you so he can have it both ways. You need to be asking him this question. Not strangers in cyberspace. My guess? He's comfortable, and until you make it less comforable for him he's going to try and maintain this as long as possible.


Little One
Are there kids involved? Because I know a guy who also earned less than his (now ex) wife and despite this has to pay about 10% of his income for each child, to his wife. As a result, he's now insolvent and financially unstable. If there aren't kids involved, maybe others are right when they say that maybe he thinks you'll want to marry him as soon as he gets divorced. I think you two really need to sit and talk about it. Maybe all four of you could meet up (You, your boyfriend, his wife and her boyfriend); after all you are all adults and if there are kids involved you are all part of their lives...


bronzebabekentucky
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listen and listen good... he doesnt get divorced because he doesnt want to marry again... this way he never has to


lollipop
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Obviously he doesn't really want to marry you. Sorry. Walk and see if he chases.


PETER J
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so why u asking us he has told you why and you just told us. unless you can afford to pay for it wait. if you cant wait then decide what you are gonna do about it.


ruthie a
You can't be this blind!!....Do you actually think he is going to give up having the best of both worlds to struggle financially with you? He's playing you for a fool. Two years??!! And nothing is happening? He's not waiting for anything, he's got it all already. Find someone you can actually build a life with, not this guy. Ever heard the old saying 'if he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you.' ?You may not feel that way now, but even if he does get a divorce and marry you, how can you be sure YOU won't be the wife he cheats on next? you can't change him, but you can take yourself out of a REALLY bad situation. Even if it hurts now, how much can he really love you if he just keeps you hanging on, wasting your life and time? That isn't love. Open your eyes. See the light. Walk towards the light, no run towards it. Change your number, and drop this guy once and for all. Trust me he won't be all sad and alone after the breakup, that will be you. Realize that now and don't waste another day.


d1g1b0y
Why did everyone is so easy to get divorced? I think the next time after you married with him he will divorced you too


bambi
Sounds like to me that he wants her back!The reason i say that is b/c my husband and i seperated a couple of yrs ago,and he filed for a divorce,but never did get it done and come to find out he still wanted me in his life and i still loved him.So now......we`re back together and 2007 will be 9yrs worth of marriage for us off and on,but God has helped us through some rough times. Good luck to you hun,and God bless you.I hope everything works out for you.


gordielass32
Rating
i take it she left him not the other way round.... tell you why he wont divorce her, because he still loves her and thinks there might be a chance they might get back together. sorry harsh and not what you wanted to hear but get rid and find someone that will love you back the way you love him. this relationship ain't going any were sorry n good luck in what ever happens


veronica c
Your best bet would have been to find a single man, instead of wrecking homes!!!!!


Doorman
Rating
It doesn't have to cost much at all if they do it all by agreement. The leaflets with standard forms can be obtained from the government book shop and are not too hard to do yourself. Application for divorce is not the sole right of expensive solicitors to undertake. Once all is agreed it'll take 5 minutes ion a courtroom for a judge to approve it


val l
he's not going to divorce his wife... don't u understand?? your the other women


JEFF K
Sorry Red but we all agree that he is leading you up the garden path. You have to give him an ultimatum Divorce or gone Good Luck jeff


Lori
That could be one reason..... But, he could also be staying married so he won't feel pressured into getting into another marriage.......


spooks32003
you need to ask him, is he still hoping that they will get back together or is genuinely quite happy waiting for her to do it, instead of asking on here why don't you sit him down and have a heart to heart


Indymom
I think he may be waiting on her to do it.. especially if you guys don't have enough money to do it... If she doesn't do it soon, start saving your pennies, and do it yourself. I don't know where you live but I think you can file without attorneys and all that and it wont cost much, especially if there are no kids involved or a big fight over who gets what.. Check into that.. Call your local court house.. Good luck!!


vee_pee69
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it sounds like hes frightened of marriage after a failed one, and if he got divoced, maybe hes scared of u wanting to get married.


blakorkid
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probably, divorces cost a bit dont they, be patient n if you dont have to pay for divorce you can have a bigger wedding. and maybe have tiny chat with ex wifey about why they split up, yno just to be ahead in the plan


Marty K
Get out of his life and stop being a home wrecker! You should be ashamed of yourself!


crispy
Rating
He has no reason to get divorce. He has his wife to take care of him, and he's got you to make him feel wanted. Why should he give that up? He's in heaven! Take my advice: dump the loser and go find a single man.


Saint
You are dating a man who is married.? Do you have a bridge close? Jump!!()


Stevie t
Rating
Alarm bells!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sleazy P. Martini
Rating
If I remember, Divorce goes agaisnt the laws of God, do you want him to be a sinner?


BiancaVee
Rating
Ever heard the saying "blowing smoke up your ass" ?







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